I’ll try not to hurt my self this time :) Cya in 7

I wish

Annual pay review this week and I got… nothing. Because I’m now paid to much for my current grade. I didn’t use to be paid to much and my job hasn’t changed, no they just changed the grade system. They have also reduced my maximum bonus and taken away allowances. But the company is doing very well and should have the 2nd best year ever, the management all appear to be walking around with big smiles on their faces, this is probably because their salaries and bonus have all gone up. So not really happy about work at the moment, will try and milk them for more training and then get out.

Wednesday, feeling down about the above and so bunked off a little early. Decided to get the tube home for some reason, don’t normally do this, it’s slower than the train. Getting to the tube station involves a walk across a sort of moor/heath thing. As a I cross it, this dark grey cloud rolls in very very low and its starts snowing, hard. For 5 or 10 minutes I’m walking through a snowstorm, but then as I get to the other side, it stops, the cloud has moved on and the snow melts soon after. Was slightly magical.

Worked from home on Thursday, didn’t do a lot of actual work it has to be said. But I did get my boots. I’d been promising myself a new pair of thigh boots for ages and took the opportunity (well since I was going to be at home to receive the delivery) this week to order a pair, these to be exact. Was slightly worried Wednesday night when the order said it would be shipped in 5 days, but I checked gain on Thursday and I see they have been shipped and Parcel Force is on the case. Most of the morning I jumped up to the window whenever I heard a diesel van outside the flat. I’m like this with deliveries, I don’t know why. I also panic that the moment they arrive I’m going to be on the loo or something or just not manage to get down to the front door in time. I really do prefer getting things in a regular shops. Anyway, the boots finally arrive at lunchtime (jumping up to the window allows me to final spot the parcel force van and rush downstairs to meet the delivery guy). Rip open the packaging, yep it’s the boots I ordered, matt PU thigh boots with a 5 and 1/4 inch heel (but a 1 and a 1/4 inch platform, so it’s really only a 4″ heel, only!), laces down the back and a zip down the side. They fit, phew, in fact they are almost comfortable and the lacing allows me to adjust them to fit my thighs. Stride around the flat a bit in them, in Ian mode, when I should have been working, cheered me up a bit

Friday, I’m in and the rest of my team is working from home… Get out of work as fast as I can get away with in the afternoon. Pick up holiday tickets from the Travel agent on the way home, Austria, here we Also pick up the £20 valentines meal from M&S, well there’s about enough food in it for 4 solo meals, plus snacks and a bottle of Cava, so a good deal if you ask me. Would have been nice to have someone to share it with though, but M&S doesn’t sell those. Also picked up some lingerie, well not exactly lingerie, more very substantial firm control underwear in not sexy beige Wonder what the sale person thought, man buying these, not exactly sexy valentine’s undies are they, so are they for him? I wonder, and way I digress, reason for this purchase, is well because its was the Festival of Sins on Saturday and I wanted to wear my catsuit. I usually use M&S control underwear to keep all the unmentionable bits out of sight, but realised the ones I had where high leg and this caused VPL under the catsuit so had to get a longer leg pair (they are more like shorts). They worked, kept everything in and no VPL, size 12 to

Saturday, could be a late club night, and a more tiring one that usual (will explain later) so bit of a lie in and lazy bathe/shave. Helena mode in the day time, erm no, lets skip it, plenty of time for that later, need to pop out for a few bits and pieces. Just wanted some plasters from Boots, but found my self at the makeup counter (surprise), hey they have a redness reducing makeup primer, better try that, and oh they have the special offer on, spend £22 and get the free gift…. Oh sod it, pick up some eye shadow and blush as well and get my freebie. I’m such a sucker for these.

Back to the flat for lunch, well I had all the food to eat, but a little drink would be nice with it. Local offy hasn’t got any small bottles, so get a very cheap full bottle of Chilean white. Lunch and a glass of wine and another and er, where’s all the wine gone, and why do I feel so sleepy… Its around 5:30 before I wake up. I MUST stop doing this!!!

Wanted to get out the flat by 8, so I still have time, phew. Glad I shaved earlier. Makeup is heavy, expect most of the eye makeup will run down and make me look like Alice Cooper by midnight, but its OK for now. Right on with the outfit, its basically this one, a shinny lycra “catwoman” catsuit (with the strong control pants underneath), leather underbust corset (still can’t fasten it up fully like I used to be able to), leatherette opera gloves and my new thigh boots. Works quite well if you ask me, and although the corset is very tight and the heels very high, it all sort of feels rather nice, quite fancy myself in it (oh not its that auto thingy word again) But if I need the loo I’m stuffed, would have to take it all off, and in a small cubicle in a club, that might not be easy. Go easy on the drinks I think.

Change out of the thigh boots into my platform Goth boots, these are going to be my “comfortable” shoes for the night (but they still work with the outfit), to travel in and possibly to wear at the club if the heels get to much. Saying that they have got 4″ heels (with a platform) themselves, but they are actually quite comfortable and I’ve gone all night in them on a couple of occasions. Loosen off the corset a bit too. Gloves, boots and hat (a black peaked military cap with a skull and crossbones on it) go in a rucksack for traveling

By the time I’m made up and dressed, have the camera and every thing charged and packed and sorted everything out its around 8, better get on. No time for a photo shoot though, but well I’d shot this outfit before  anyway (well nearly this outfit) . But then again I still really like this outfit and plan to wear it out again, maybe to the Magic Theatre, so perhaps I do a shoot then.

Tube to Mornington Crescent, its Saturday night in Camden and so I’m virtually normal, barely raise an eyebrow on the tube (OK I have a big coat on covering the catsuit and corset). Over to the Purple Turtle and into the Festival.

But this time its slightly different. For a start I didn’t have to pay to get in, I’m on the list and get given a pass. An official photographer pass. Yep, I’m an official photographer for the Festival of Sins for the first time (well it a bit of a landmark for me as a snapographer) I have big camera, with big lens and big flash with me and we are gong to shoot till we drop. Which knowing Helena Lightweight Love, won’t be very long in coming

Find a spot to change my boots and put my gloves back on (decide not to tighten up my corset for comfort reasons), Mr J the DQ compare comes over and says Hi and gives me the code for the backstage area so I can dump my stuff there. Yep access to the glamorous backstage and everything tonight Mr J also warns me the first act will be on at 9, ah, not much time then, I had hoped for a little relax and strut around time in my outfit before it all started (like I do at the Magic Theatre), but not here tonight, have to get a move on.

Oh my, the exclusive backstage area, what’s it like then? Can’t find out straight away because I can’t get the code to work, I can barely see the key pad in the light, but someone opens the door for me anyway. Back stage is not exactly glamorous really, it’s a couple of small dressing rooms, a corridor and a couple of bits of space wedged in between air conditioning ducts. I get the camera out and dump my bags and stuff under a duct. There’s an attractive young woman in there too, thought she might be one of the Burlesque performers, she’s has great makeup. But it turns out she’s a model for the fashion show and she is a little concerned none of the other models have turned up yet. Didn’t get her name though, really should of, she isn’t very polite. But hey, gosh, hanging out with models backstage at a gig, this the life

She kindly agrees to let me do a camera test on her.

Good, all seems to work, right lets get to work. Cept I can’t even open the door out of the backstage, there must be a trick to it, lucky someone else comes in to let me out. Wander around, heels, manageable at the moment, but these gloves are a bit awkward (they are a touch baggy) and are a bit warm. Take a couple of pics of the more interesting punters, the crowd is a bit thin, but it is early.

1st Performer is a Burlesque act, VJ Spankie, she performs a routine to the Divinyls “I touch myself”, guess what the theme was Pics are a bit over flashed

Used the flash a bit, kind of harms the atmosphere a little for stage performers, but if they aren’t lit with stage lights its to dark otherwise. Burlesque performers are tricky to shoot, they often move fast so high shutter speed is required but the light is often very dim and you rather wish you could use a slower one to gather more light. On trick is, I think, to try and time it so you get your shot at the end of a move when they are almost stationary for a second or two. These are usually their strongest poses to.

DJ on after VJ and I start to wander around getting more people pics. It started to fill up now, it can be hard to manoeuvre in the crowd, esp with big heavy valuable camera and killer heals.

Again try various light positions (am using strobe on a rope) but as always, prefer the ceiling bounce.

Music’s picking up, some of my favourites come on, would like to have had a little dance, but things to do, things to do.

2nd performer is another Burlesque act, Blanche Dubois, hey I recognise her, she was at the Magic Theatre a couple of weeks ago, and she is doing the same number she did then.

Getting rather warm now, treat my self to a little drink, just a small lemonade, figured alcohol, killer heals, and an expensive camera wouldn’t be a good cocktail. Also worried I might need the loo and that would be well awkward as I explained above, so it had to be a small lemonade.

3rd Act is V J Spankie again doing another Burlesque turn, but more rock/goth this one with a cloak, cane and chain. Fun Stuff

Definitely to warm now, have to take the gloves off. I have a little shoulder bag with me for money, blot powder, lippy, etc. there’s just enough room to put the bracelets I had on in there, but there’s not enough room for the gloves. But hey, I can just stuff them in the top of my boots so I don’t have to go backstage, they will be safe there. They weren’t , checked later and one had gone missing and the other was trying to escape Pushed it right down in there. That wasn’t enough, it made a successful break for freedom later on and I was gloveless but one kind sole found one of them and handed in to the bar. But only one was found, so oh well I wanted a new pair of gloves anyway, those never fitted right.

It is crowded now, but try to get a few more people shots in. Recognise a few faces, Nicky and May, fail to recognise Nikita Sabier, again, sorry Nikita. Also fluffed the picture of her, it was soft, turns out I’d flicked off the focus assist light, and in the dark the camera couldn’t get an accurate focus lock without it. Sorry again.

Do pick up a few comments and words on my outfit. Which is nice. One guy said I looked like Marie Anne Faithfull in Girl on a Motorbike, now that’s a complement thank you sir. Another, erm what word shall I use, erm, man in a dress, looked like it was his first time, might of just been doing it for a laugh, asked tips on walking in heels, I just said practice. He also said he thought I was female for a short while. Another guy asked me if I knew so and so and went to Stunners. He seemed surprised that I didn’t and have never been there. Stunners, no I don’t want to go, its reputation has put me off. Music is loud though and most attempts at conversation fail a bit.

Some people are happy with a quick snap, others want to see the pic and have reshoots if they weren’t happy, it depends. Some are confident and demand pictures, some are shy but one older punk demands to know why I would want a photo him, I don’t have an answer apart from “just because”, so I gave up on him. I guess he had one of these ‘Who you looking at” attitudes, as if I’m making out he is some kind of freak to be stared at. Yeah and the 6′ tranny in dominatrix gear taking the pic is perfectly normal?

Most people (who did want thier photo takle) when asked, struck a pose immediately, but some ask how I would like them to stand, really don’t have a clue what to say in this case, I’ve never posed a model before, so wasn’t much use Turns out one of them asking was an actual model, she was another in the fashion show. A few ask for my card after the shoot, I have a some with me, but they are really buried in my bag and it’s a struggle to find them. Note to self, have them handier in future, stuff them in the top of the corset or something.

Next act is Frank Sanazi, the Lounge ubermiester of uneasy listenting himself. I’ve seen Frank a few times now, so his act is quite familiar, but I think a few in the audience where a little shocked. But he Festival of Sins isn’t meant to be light family entertainment, and a later act shocked a few more.

Frank had a bit better lighting than the other acts, so can make do without the flash. I think some of them came out quite atmospheric (but a little soft).

It was Franks birthday, so they presented him with a cake. I fluffed the shots of it though Spent the next interval getting more people shots, trying to make sure I haven’t missed anyone making the effort. Must of bumped someone, ended up with some drink spilled down me. Fortunately the cat suit is wipe clean and it missed the camera.

The Fashion show from Lacing Lilith was on next, and it was probably the most popular turn of the night. So popular in fact I couldn’t get to the front so had to rely on my height at shot over heads. See wearing killer heels wasn’t that bad an idea. Shot with out the flash, which was probably a bit of a mistake, stage lights weren’t strong. Quite a few pics where too soft or to high ISO to be of use

The clothing was nicely designed, might even go for one or two myself, but not in that colour, much as I love chocolate, it’s not my favourite colour for clothing.

Seems like a mixed crowd in, more couples than usual? And a few more trans, spot at least 4, didn’t know any of them.

We we warned about the next act, The Jackin man, warned to stay back as there might be splatter… It’s a performance pieces on self about well, self mutilation, a plastic pe###nis died for art. There was a little splatter and the crowd hung back. Apparently (I spoke to the guy in the backstage area later) some people where a bit shocked by it? Dunno it seemed humorous to me. There are things to get shocked at, but fake blood isn’t one of them.

Mr J mopped up after.

The young lady who I met earlier, the model in the fashion show, posed for me, we sort of cleared a space and shot a few poses.

The light wasn’t that interesting though and the shots are a touch dull, photographers fault, not the model or the outfit. I really need to learn how to direct models and stuff. I’ve been thinking of doing as fashion photography course, but think I need to get more laser done first, the one I’ve seen would be 3 long days in a row and I don’t think my face could manage that at the moment.

Few more people shots, mostly couple shots in fact while the band setup. The couples seems to be getting into the Valentine spirit

Only one band tonight, pity, but its Shh, the Argentinean electro duo I saw at the very first FoS I went to, so Yey, they rock. I have there album Gaucho boy and listen to quite a lot, even though its mostly in Spanish. They are doing a few more numbers in English this time. They where as good as I remember them Crowd where a little standoffish though, ah come on people, dance. Still this gave me plenty of room for photo taking. Took quite a few, Diana the singer is very dynamic.

Legs where starting to give up now though, I’d reached my limit for stiletto’s. Propped my self up again a wall for some of Shh’s set to take the weight off. It was probably gone one when the band finished, and I think I’d had enough of this event photographer lark for a night, I was tired, rather warm (and possibly a touch pungent), feet where shot and the camera’s memory card was nearly full, over 250 shots in there, and I’d been deleting ones throughout the night. Time to knock it on the head.

Still can’t open the door to the backstage but some one lets me in again. Off with the thigh boots and into the Goth boots. They still have quite a heel but really are comfortable enough for all night. There’s the model again, we must stop meeting like this. Think she was off too, she’d changed back into jeans and trainers. We both agreed on the need for comfortable footwear at this time of the morning. Take a few quick snaps of my photo pass and the backstage as a memento before packing up the camera

Do I want to leave just yet? OK I can manage a little longer, and with the camera safely packed away I can have a drink and a little dance. Try to get out of the door again, fail, what’s the trick? Lad lets me out, but it’s the one who did the Jackin’ man performance, he asks if I got any pictures, so I get the camera out again and let him have a look.

Pack it away again, but oh I didn’t realise there was another act on, its Blanche Dubois again. Decide not to go out and shoot, though, so just wish her luck (Break a leg, isn’t that what they say in the theatre) and try to get out through the coded door. Have to wait 5 minutes before someone lets me out.

Touch up makeup as best as I can and brush my straggly hair in the ladies, but even afterthat I’m till looking a little Alice cooper, then go down to the bar. A bottle of pear cider and a lots of ice please, its my cool down drink, goes down rather quickly.

Dance, well try to, the music isn’t quite to my tastes but I find one to bop along to, right in front of the speakers. Feet don’t really want to move though, too tired.

Oh well, I’ve had my dance and my drink, got all my photo’s and its well past bed time, (must be around 2) lets call it a night. Collect my coat and camera (and struggle with the door, yet again) and head off into the night.

Its nice and cool out. For some reason I don’t fancy chips, must be the corset, so straight to the cab office. There’s one ready right away, so home we go. Cabbie doesn’t really know the way though and goes the wrong way down Cally road, he apologies’ when I point this out. Journey is a little longer than usual, but for some reason much cheaper, £12.50, I’ve been charged £25 quid for the same journey, from the same cab office before. Weird, perhaps he was embarrassed about the wrong turn. If it wasn’t for the lost glove it was cheap night really.

Home, clean up, bed, must be 3 by the time I’m out.

Sunday, lie in for quite a while, but then get a craving for chips, probably since I missed then the night before. Have brunch in the local greasy spoon, egg, chips and beans, and mushrooms, and toast, and tea, and another cup of tea. Nice not exactly healthy though. Spend most of the rest of the day processing the photo’s, with the bottle of Cava (stuggle to open it) and the M&S valentine food for company.

So that’s it my first photo pass event, seemed to work mostly and there a few pictures worth keeping. The FoS people are cool and have said I can do it again too, but I think for the next event, in April, I’ll go along as a regular paying punter.

Next week, is MY HOLIDAY :):):):):):):) I’m off to Austria again, with my snowboard and it looks like there is plenty of snow. I’ll try not to hurt myself (like last time). But it is Ian who goes snowboarding, there will be no Helena time for a couple of weeks.

But then again, Lola’s is reopening on Wednesday, in a new location, hrmmm, might be able to sneak out for a few an hour or three …

Uneventful week work wise, but a few late nights (Khaaannn!!) so Saturday was a bit lazy. Got up and cleaned up, blemish on my neck left over from the laser (still) went nasty during the week and swelled up, it was like having a golf ball under my skin and it distorted my face. Double Trupple Yuk! I hate these things, but I’ve been getting them on and off since I started shaving. They are caused by in growing hairs, you see the laser isn’t just for my vanity, its actually to stop this sort of thing. This particular one occurred on a patch where the laser didn’t manage to do much clearance on BTW. By Saturday it was going down and not distorting my face any more (its twisted enough as it is) but was still visible Make was pretty minimal, well you see I was going to meet Jess for lunch, who barely wears any these days and I didn’t want to embarrass her by being the typical tranny with half a tonne of slap badly plastered on (i.e. my usual self) . What to wear what to wear, lunch in town on a Saturday, hrm better go casual and end up in a denim skirt grey opaque’s, tan boots, black sweater and after trying a dozen or so jackets on, an old and rather large (but getting increasingly the right size :() leather jacket that I got from Next (hrm I wore this one one on the first and only Boudoir night out…)

Lunch was at 2, but I was ready by 12, so well might as well pop to town for a look around. But I’d checked the balance and done the numbers, shopping was off the cards. Well I brought another photo brolly and some software in the week, Corel Draw X4, so I could get the latest version of PhotoPaint. I’ve been trying various photo package demos and found Photoshop elements to be weak, Paint Shop Pro not bad but it just wasn’t as good as Photopaint, I got the demo of the latest version and after a little digging I’ve found everything I needed the in the new version, so we are cooking on gas again. So that was a chunk of cash, also I need to save some for Holiday money, I still need a new board bag and I have promised my self some new thigh boots. So with all that, no more clothes for you missy. To be honest the flat is drowning in them any way, I need to wear what I’ve got more.

But a little look around for ideas wouldn’t hurt Well that was the plan, as I started to put it into action and leave for town, I hear my neighbours downstairs making a lot of noise going up and down the stairs and chatting (I have to pass their flat on the stairs to get out BTW). These neighbours haven’t, I think, seen Helena, bit apprehensive now. Look out the window, they are now talking to a woman with a car parked outside and she’s got a baby… Nerve now goes completely, if anyone going to freak out over a tranny its going to be a parent. Decide to wait a bit a few minutes, fortunately the woman with a baby drives off and the neighbours return to their flat and quieten down. Take advantage of the lull and get out the building quickly unseen.

Feel more nervous than usual walking to the tube station, but I don’t seem to be getting much attention, phew. Still nervy on the tube, hide behind a book for most of the journey. Get to my destination, Covent Garden, erm where’s that bit of paper I was using as book mark? Damm, well I’ll just hold it open. As the train slows down , I get up from my seat, book in one hand and the other is reaching for the hand rail and just then train lurches (slightly) and I loose my footing a bit (One hand holding the book not the hand rail you see). Don’t fall over, but stumble and look rather inelegant and the book goes flying and lands in a girls lap. She hands it back to me and I apologise profusely, and then get off the train as quickly as possible. Ok definitely flustered now, it hasn’t been a good start to the day.

Pop into the nearest shop opposite the tube, Warehouse I think, not really to look at the clothes but the check myself in the mirror to see if any damage had be done in my mishap. Find a mirror hair a little out of place, that’s about it, phew.

Have my little tour of the shops, well it passes the time and does seem to relax me, comments do not appear to be forthcoming and odd looks are few which all helps. There’s some rather nice shirt dresses in Zara, a couple of jackets I really like in Super Dry, one especially which is going all a bit Captain Jack Harness, pity a bout the 3 figure price tag, a nice petticoat in Rocket Vintage, but I don’t need one anymore and loads in H&M. In fact H&M (well their Divided sub brand, which is mostly aimed at teens and 20 something’s, oops) has the pick of the bunch, more shirt dresses, off the shoulder tops, some outrageous snake skin leggings, a mesh mini dress and a couple of mini skirts that are wandering into fetish territory and more of those lovely military styled jackets, they are definitely a trend that’s picking up again. Manage to restrain myself though, maybe next month… Also pop into a few places that are well out of my price range, just for a look see, Ted Baker, Paul Smith, All Saints etc.

Sales woman in Ted Baker is wearing skyscraper heals, they make me wince just looking at them, how’s she going to manage all day in them is beyond me, she’s already walking awkwardly and her calf muscles are really pumped up and its only just past lunch time. Find another gorgeous military style jacket in All Saints, black leather with sort of Napoleonic style buttons, short at the front and long, almost a tail at the back. Find it also has another 3 figure price tag, sigh.

In between shops I manged to find a couple of spots for the obligatory pictures.

Tis about 2, better find Jess, we agreed to meet outside the tube station at 2. And she’s there, waiting, good, right let’s find somewhere to eat, Jess just wants a light lunch but I’m hungry, its well past my normal lunch time. Fast foody salady sandwich place on Neal Street is a no, to busy and to er fast foody so I steer Jess towards Neals Yard (via the cheese shop for a free sample) to the Neal’s Yard Salad bar I know is good for healthy veggie eats, (plus they also do cake and wine :)).

Lunch turned out to be a slightly longer, bigger, boozier and more expensive affair than, I guess, either of us planned on. But it was very nice, Jess is one of the easiest people I know to talk to, so I sort of rambled on for a bit. The restaurant staff where friendly and even the other customers are untroubled by us (well me, Jess is very very passable these days), a couple of girls on the next table even ask us to take their photo, I obliged of course. Food was erm interesting rather than wonderful though, I went for a vegan Brazilian dish that was well, not bad (apart from the fired bananas) but I won’t be seeking it out regularly. Jess ordered the meat version of my dish, which turned out not just to have meat added, it was totally different, it had a sauce and mine was mostly dry, odd.

After dinner Jess wanted to go to Liberty (that half timbered upmarket department store near Carnaby Street) after the meal, I had no plans so I walked her there, via a few of my favourite places, mostly bakeries I picked up a chocolate muffin for later, me bad. Jess did have plans for later, a pre theatre meal and a show, so I bade her farewell at Liberty’s and headed towards the tube. Lovely to see you again Jess, hope you had a good time at the theatre

Well I was going to the tube, but decided to swing by a couple of shops on the way, New Look and Top Shop, well these aren’t Jess’ sort of shops anyway, they are just for us overgrown teenagers. The new New Look on Oxford street (it opened on Friday) turns out to be in what used to be Borders (which closed down), I though it would be where the old one was (before it burnt down). It of a blast from the past going into this building, for 4 years I actually worked there, well in the offices on the top floor, in the IT department of a now defunct (in the UK) woman’s clothing retailer, so having New Look here (who at one stage where thinking about buying the company I worked for) so it is slightly, I dunno, spooky. But it’s a great new shop, have an extended browse. On the top floor its all shoes and bags And oh have they got some nice new shoes, the new peep toe ankle boots are sex on a stick. But all can find is size 6, size 6, size 6 and more size 6, no 9’s checked website later, they do come in 9, but the new flagship store doesn’t appear to stock them. And they don’t come in 9 wide which is what I really need (in fact I was wearing New Look 9 wide boots at the time). Damm. Does seem they tend to select more of the frumpier styles to do in for wide fitting, which is a shame, us big foots like sexy shoes too! Did spot a couple of interesting other items as well, high heel trainers of all things, canvas lace up trainers with a 3” block heel. Think these might be big in spring/summer among the younger set. Can’t find any is a size bigger than 6 though.

The other interesting item was this particular pair of over the knee boots, over the knee boots have been a pretty big style this winter. Except they weren’t over the knee, they really were thigh boots, in black synthetic leather with a chrome stiletto heel. In fact they wouldn’t of looked too out of place in a Soho sex shop (or a Tranny shop…). Its odd how this sort of basically fetish wear (also saw that a skirt in H&M which was shiny black PVC ) has come into the mainstream. I have to have a closer look at the boots don’t I, biggest they come in is, apparently, 8 (and its not wide fitting either), bother, well er I sometimes get into 8s, so I could try… Right one goes on, but its crushing my toes a bit, but the zip goes up and it hugs the thigh nicely. Left goes on and its even tighter (my left foot is bigger than the right for some reason) and the zip feels too tight to do up, I don’t want to force it, so abandon the attempt. News at 11, 6’ tranny tries on fetish thigh boots in mainstream fashion store on Oxford street, the public recoils in horror, will somebody please think of the children. Except they don’t, as far as I can tell not an eyebrow was raised. Been like that most of the day really, which is unusual, but pleasant really (and esp since a little shadow might be showing though my light makeup).

Head back to the tube, via Top shop and Miss Selfridge, well they are on the way but again that’s just for a look around. Tube back, pop in to the off license near home for a bottle of Rosé and back up to the flat. For a non shopping trip to the shops it was quite successful, if that makes any sense, that plus the pleasure of Jess’s company for lunch and the general lack of reaction I got out and about and it really wasn’t a bad afternoon. Put feet up and open wine, I had a sort of plan to go to the Gypsy Hotel that evening but there was plenty of time before that.

Except I was a little apprehensive about it, not for the usual reasons, it was the fact that when I checked the event on facebook I saw she is going. Oh it’s a small venue and I don’t think she will be easy to avoid. Not good.

But the point is moot, two glasses of wine and what with the amount of midnight oil I’d been burning recently makes me rather sleepy and I just doze off. Its 10 when I wake, do I want to go out now? Nah can’t be bothered, Star Trek Online? no the server has crashed, actually I still feel tired, clean off my make up and just go to bed. again.

Sleep, Sleep, Sleep. Its 10am on Sunday before I get out, that’s a long time in bed, but I think I needed it. Scratch that, it was to long in bed, I did drink a bit on Saturday, but not enough to normally give me a hangover, but I felt headachy and dehydrated, think I’d just been without water for to long.

I am actually on call, but have been lucky so far, but Sunday there are a few things on the systems that have to be done, and then there’s laundry and my flats a tip, so lets get busy. Sneak in a light pub lunch between chores though New bar maid in the local is tall, flat chested, wears her hair pulled back in pony tail, has a big chin and unfortunately hairy arms and was wearing a black shirt, trousers and no makeup, but still unmistakably female, The signs are totally clear yet not directly visible if you know what I mean, its weird how it all works.

By 4 its all done, so back to Star Trek for a bit, I’m Lieutenant Commander now with my own light escort class (no not that sort of escort, think of the Defiant from DS9) vessel to cruise around in and blow up Klingons with. Fortunately for the Klingons the something crashes again around 5:15 and I’m kicked off.

So now what, well Diana Stone (you know, Elephant shelf and all that) posted on Roses that the Delta Ladies (the duo she does with Vicky Martin) would be playing in the ‘Round Midnight Jazz & Blues Bar in Islington (on the corner of Chapel Market, used to be a grubby pub called the Agricultural) tonight at about 7. I wasn’t dressed, I was on call and I didn’t have much time to change, but sod it, I want a music night, and I missed Saturday. Quick change is in order, I’d ran out of the good 5 blade razors, the only ones I had where the 2 blade ones, these can give a very close shave, but also tend to cut me up a bit. There really wasn’t much to shave off, so I thought I’d be OK without a full prep (hot bath, exfoliate etc) . Mistake, ouch, multiple small cuts. Note to self, buy razor blades. Don’t have much time to let the face rest, just enough to throw together an outfit in fact, jeans, grey jumper dress, black biker boots and furry jacket and then on with the slap. Face stop bleeding please! Concealer won’t conceal the cuts, so rather a lot of power goes on to cover everything up. Still end to end its probably a record change and I’m out the flat by 6:20 odd.

Band wasn’t on till 7 but I hadn’t eaten yet, does the Blues bar do food? Dunno, decide not to risk it and eat else where. Bus turns up in one minute and doesn’t get snarled up in traffic, which is a good sign.

So where to eat at Angel that’s quick but not junk, Mexican? Yeah why not, I liked it last time, pop into Chilango and get a veggie burrito. They make them like Subway, first person does the meat (not for me) rice and beans, then next the salads and then they pass it on to the cashier for you to pay up. Madam’s from the both the guy doing the beans/rice and the girl doing salads, cashier is less certain and leaves out pronouns. A win on points I say, which is pretty good considering the fast change and the rather botched hair removal. And it is a very good burrito, probably the best one I’ve ever had (but I’m not an expert, this is only the 2nd or 3rd one I’ve ever had). Nice quick that meal that.

Still on time, lets get to the blues bar. I’m on time, but Vicky and Di are still plugging stuff in when I get there. Yes usual procedure for Elephant shelf/Delta ladies, it takes them quite a while to plug everything in and twiddle knobs getting ready, then they play for hours I grab a glass of wine and get a small table near the stage, Di comes over and says hi. No sign of anyone else though, well T-girls that is, the bar is quite full for a Sunday night, Laura H said she might come down as she’s local too, but I’m not holding out much hope she will turn up.

Turns out the blue bar does do food, but its all rather carnivorous, the only veggie item on the menu is a bean burger, Think the Mexican was the better choice.

Vicky and Diana are on good form as ever and play a great first set, slipping in a slight rewoking of Muddy Water’s Hoochy Coochy man in along the way. I have big cam with me with the 50 f1.8 and manage to get a few shots in.

A cleaning truck goes by the window while the band are playing, its got the logo “Keeping Islington clean” on the side, behind the band it would of make an amusing photo, well it would off I’d been fast enough with my camera. Which I’m not. Missed the passing police car with its blue lights on too

They have a quick break in between sets, time for another glass of wine for me to. Be careful though, remember work tomorrow. Laura turns up in the 2nd set, I’m surprised but glad of the company. Saying that nobody in the bar is making any issue with us, I’m virtually invisible, but Vicky and Di have a couple of fans. Their version of “My Old Man’s a Dustman” goes down well. Chat to Laura with 3rd glass of wine, you bad! 2nd set finishes with a storming rendition of Hey Joe (and there’s a Hendrix poster just by the stage) and Diana and Vicky look worn out. They seem to have gone down well though, sounds like they will be back to this venue with the full band later in the year.

By the time they finish its nearly gone 9:30 and the alarm is set for 5:30 am on Monday, sob, better call it a night then, say bye bye to Laura and the Delta Ladies and head home.

Chips, want chips, I missed out on them by not going out on Saturday, so was going to have them tonight, diet, what diet. I think the wine was talking by now. Head back up Islington looking for an open takeaway for chips, takes a while, some are closed on Sunday. But get them eventually and scoff them all just before the bus arrives.

Home, straight in the bath to clean up and then bed. Alarm goes off as programmed at 5:30,I hide under the covers but it won’t go away.

Next week it’s Valentines, single girl here won’t be wined and dined, just like the last 41 Valentines, sob. But on the bright side, it’s the Festival of Sins on Saturday and they are celebrating lust .Although its highly unlikely I’ll get any lust, May, The Empress of the Sin, has kindly given me permission to bring big camera along, so will hopefully get some good photo’s of everyone else’s

During the week work was well, there, ah users, yes we asked for this thing and signed off the design and the prototype but it’s not actually what we wanted, what we actually wanted was that other thing. 3 days more work.

Decided to sub to Star Trek online, yes it’s a bit more pew pew and less drama than Trek, but often after work I really do feel the need to blow things up.

Arrive home on Friday with just a little more photographic gear (light stand and a bracket) to find a lovely hand written note from the Fancy Dress shop, they explained they tried to deliver my chainsaw, but I wasn’t in, so I could collect it from the store tomorrow. Even the handwriting was good. Only problem I paid extra (8-9 quid extra) for Saturday Delivery and Friday isn’t actually Saturday, so that’s why I wasn’t in to receive it.

Saturday, Magic Theatre tonight, not doing the hotel thing, as public transport worked OK last time. Want to look good for the the Theatre and the photoshoot and so need to save my face, so no Helena that morning (no its got nothing with staying up late blowing up stuff in STO :)) . Instead tube it over to Camden to get my Chainsaw. The shop have it there, no problems, I explain the Friday/Saturday thing but they say the mail order operation is actually a separate cooperation and I’ll have to take it up with them. Well I can’t really get mad at a shop assistant, it isn’t his fault, so I take my chainsaw and head home. Via a few detours around the markets of course

Get home just before lunch. So lets have a look at this saw, hrm, not bad, not totally unrealistic, a tad flimsy and a little shorter than I hoped though. Its got batteries in it though, if you press the button it makes a good chainsaw noise and the rubber blades spin around to Only real problem is it has big stickers on it advertising the fact it can make chainsaw noises and spin the blades around. And the stickers are the sort that don’t want to come off. Manufacturers of the world, please,please, please make your stickers stronger and your glue weaker, yes I know they can perform valuable marketing function, but when we have made our purchases we would like to be able to remove them cleanly. 15 minutes with some warm water, soap and a pan scourer got them off in the end.

Light lunch and just a little Trek and well I better get ready for this evening. Ok I had 6 hours before I had to go out, but you shouldn’t rush these things Think more hair has grown back on the face still it comes off easily enough, though there’s big lump on the left of my chin that’s taking an age to heal. Cover it all up with concealer as per.

Right on with the outfit, think I have the knack of getting into it now. The dress actually has a big bow on the back that you have to remove to get into it. Both times I tried the dress on previously I accidently pulled out one of the buttons that hold the bow in place, had to have a little sewing session on the previous Monday to fix that. Also fixed one pair of work trousers and reattached to buttons to a coat. If I lost weight I wouldn’t have to have done that.

Dress on, petticoats a gogo, lets take some pictures.

Call that first one Deconstructing Gender, trying to be sort of arty and failing. Set it up with 2 speedlights bouncing of brollies left and right, with some pinky gel on them and another one in a softbox just left of the camera. I’m still not convinced by that softbox, reckon brollies give a softer light, so I guess more camera shopping is needed. But that will be the last, honest.

Take quite a few really, with different props, trying to get a flattering look, which is hard with my increasingly saggy face, But tis still a fun outfit to pose in. Must work on expressions to, my default stern gaze/pout doesn’t really suit it. Also the little pink box hair grips I had didn’t really work out either.
Photo’s finished by 7, we are still on time. So how are we going to get all of this to the Rivoli, even my biggest coat can’t contain the Petticoats, so they come off, as does the lacy gloves and arm thingys, heels too, all into a rucksack, big camera, big lens, grip and strobe on a rope into the camera bag and money, Oyster and keys, emergency makeup and lollipops go into the little Hello Kitty bag. Surprising how much you can fit into that little thing. Oh yeah, Lolipops, I had a plan, if anyone didn’t want me to take their picture I would ask them again in a twee cutesy voice and offer them a lollipop (I’d been to the pound shop and bough a bag of them, yeah the pound shop, I could of gone to the 99p shop, but I thought, No, this is the Magic Theatre, only the best for them) and try and persuade them with a mixture of humour, bribery and/or embarrassment But in the end I didn’t try this, was to much of a wimp.

Lets go then, big coat covers most of the dress, but you can still see some pink bits and I have the white stay ups still on and as the Barbie doll hair (cover it up a little with a hat), so erm I’m not exactly inconspicuous, so erm this could be an uncomfortable journey. Cept it wasn’t, nobody seemed to pay me any attention at all, perhaps I’d ventured far enough into OTT to stop negative reactions, or then again its Saturday night, anything goes in Islington, spot someone painted green boarding the tube. Worst bit was the walk to the tube station, but that was just because it was too cold (and my stay ups didn’t want to stay up). Get to Victoria in plenty of time, so buy a cookie (I’m slipping into character aren’t I) before boarding the train. Hey I can use Oyster on the train now, no faffing around getting a ticket required, nice.

Arrive at 9, Darren spots me in the queue and waves me in. Except its not Darren, its Sophie, nice to see you at last Sophie, you look very natural. Right lets get the full outfit back on and have a little drink or two before getting the camera out. Dress up and touch up lippy then mince over the dance floor (this outfit makes you do things), get my drink and try and find a few familiar faces, hrm, there’s a few people I recognise but don’t really know, but ah Susan T, sitting alone, so I sort of invite myself to her table.

Tis a bit quiet for 9 hope it will fill up, and a little cooler than normal, a few people are even cold. Well it is January, but this outfit seems to regulate temperature well, not cold or hot all night, makes a change. Chat to Susan a little, get the latest gossip (the Treacles have split, again). Seems quite a few faces won’t be coming, other commitments, January blues etc, oh well. But do spot a couple of others I know, Lexy and Alison and Philipa and Penny get there later. So not a good turn out on the Roses front, but the place does actually seem to be filling up, it might not be a quite night after all, time to get the camera out.

But after I got the thing out and did a couple of test shots (thanks Susan and Lexy) the entertainment came on. Out compare …. Sang for us, we had an unconventional burlesque performance from Blanche DuBois and and accordionist erm erm erm, who gave us a very unusual rendition of I will survive.

Not sure the acts went down that well the audience, the entertainment is always a bit of a mixed bag at the MT though. But after they finished the compare got up and mentioned it was a bit cold, but people could warm up by dancing, and the he handed over to the DJ. And you know what, people did dance, in fact the dance floor filled right up and stayed busy all night Actually the Rivloi had filled up quite a bit now, not as busy as III or Halloween, but it was nicely full it, wasn’t going to be a quiet night after all.

Right lets get some shots in.

Thats not nearly all of them, for the rest hit my Flickr stream. Used the SB90 on the TTL coord, generally I took 2 or 3 quick shots of everyone, with the light in different directions and kept the one I liked most. And that was inevitably the one with the flash pointed right up doing a ceiling bounce, it lit up the room and gave the pics far more warmth than the direct flash. Trouble is the ceiling over than dance floor is rather high and even the mighty SB900 hasn’t got the juice to illuminate everything after a bounce like that, so the camera had to bump up the ISO a bit. Its The D700 is rather good at high ISO, but you still get a little noise over ISO1600, but I felt it was worth it to improve the ambience. Pics around the bar and the bit at the back fared better as the ceiling was lower and the ambient light brighter (the dance floor is very dark).

Interesting mix of people, as I said a few familiar faces missing, but plenty of new ones, some really got the dressing up thing (and a few who didn’t) the dance floor is still busy and there’s a good few who can properly dance. Notice one GG really dancing away, she knows how to move and so does her dress dress, its got a long flared sort of 50’s skirt on it (Possibly from Vivian of Holloway?) and she has even more petticoats that I have on under it, it really spins around and moves following after the dancer, its almost part of the dance itself. I think I mighthave to get one these dresses…

Put the camera away after a bit, need a break and a drink, time has been flying, its getting late already. Have a bit of a dance, bit of a chat, an recognised by a couple of people, from Angels or Flickr, I try my best to make conversation, but as you know, not my strong point (as is remembering names :(). Also have a bit of a pose, a couple of cameras are pointed my way so I oblige. Get a few complements on the outfit to, from a range of people, not just the OTT T-girls but GG’s, TS and even men, think it raises a few smiles, and possibly a few eyebrows, its not as creative, glamorous or slinky as many of the outfits on show, but its one of the silliest Also think it prompts a couple of people to even dance (briefly) with me.

Missed a few people so out with the camera again.

Fluffed a few pics on the way, think I knocked the camera into manual focus mode (again), either that or I’m not getting the focus points right. My excuse, well, its dark, I have to work fast, I’m in heels and I’ve had a couple to drink (and er the bottle before I came out…) and well I’m just an ickle girl Nah poor excuses, need to be more careful. One recurring problem is when I light the camera up in portrait the strap often blocks the viewfinder, hrmm, must be possible to do something about this. Again most people are happy getting there photo taken, do get a few looks from people though, perhaps cause I didn’t ask them for a photo? But do they actually care? Me not taking your pic isn’t a snub, honest, I can’t do everyone and not everyone wants a photo either, I try, honest Do get a couple of picky people who want reshoots, end up with a useable one of most of them in the end. Well if the subject isn’t happy with the result, I can’t really use it can I. One pair of girls stood out though, I asked them for a photo in the bar and they went scouting out the best location and actually asked people sitting at tables to move so they could be photographed there as they liked the spot. Just a bit diva if you ask me.

Right camera away again for a last drink and dance. Dunno about everyone else but I’m nicely warm. Time really has flown, always the sign of a good night. About quarter one I decide to knock it on the head, there was the possibility of the after party and so on, but well there’s that long taxi ride home and the long wait to get that taxi, so guessed I better go. Petticoats and heels (OMG even my feet don’t hurt, makes a change doesn’t it) back in the bag and of across the road to the Taxi Office.

There’s going to be a 20 minute wait for the car, bother. And I’m early to (so it would be horrendous later I guess). Wait quietly in the cab office, with a group of others, don’t think I saw most them a the Rivoli, they look to er normal? But they seem to be friendly and engage me in a little conversation. Since they are perfectly friendly, I try my best. Me being a silly tranny in a curly blonde wig doesn’t seem to phase them in the slightest, which is nice.

A free cab turns up in less than 20 minutes and the driver though, not chatty, feels like a safe driver and gets me home efficiently. But £30 for the cab ride, ouch, still I suppose it is still a little cheaper than a hotel room (and cab fares to and from it) (I do rather like the Greenwich Novatel though).

Clean up, bed, lie in on Sunday. Had a vague sort of plan to do a Helena day on Sunday, go to the drawing club etc, but its gone 11 before I’m out of bed and I had photo’s to process and er Star Trek to play.

So overall another good night at the Rivoli, the next one is on the 24th of April, I plan to be there, you to? As for the outfit, silly, yes, easy to wear, no (the waist line is at least 3″ above my own for a start), practical, no (actually its not that bad) and sissy, well sort of. Sissy has all sorts of conations and is often linked to submissive behaviour, force feminisation and various other various fetishes and I think its rather looked down on by the more serious members of the TG community, as its just so not what real women wear and is primarily fetish. But its load of fun and in away, liberating, plus it seems to give others a smile too, people saw the funny side of it all. Also I think this outfit might have another benefit, all rumours I might be TS have now been proven wrong

Anyway its not even really sissy, its Elegant Gothic Lolita, and EGL is an actual Japanese fashion, worn by actual GG’s, not just trannies

I enjoyed my time in petticoats, so this outfit has to go out again, maybe to the Festival of Sins or Torture Garden perhaps. Also maybe, if I’m feeling very brave, outside into the world, purely for shits and giggles (probably mostly me shitting my self and other people giggling) , maybe not for long and probably not Tescos, but hey wait a minute, there’s this little Sainsbury’s Local near the Purple Turtle where the FOS is held….

Next week, back on call, so outings are going to be limited