Didn’t manage to behave during in the week, suppose with all the hassle of the previous weekend I just didn’t have the strength, so a bit to much food and a few drinks But the weekend was approaching, Wahey Friday, the bank has my new debit card, phew, I can rejoin civilised society, blow some money on full retail copy of Aion and look around the shops thinking I like that, and that and that. What I really needed was something really fashionable, but still daytime and wearable for Sunday, nothing I had seemed to work.

Should of spent Friday night working out outfits, but sort of got into Aion…

Saturday, well it’s going to be a long day, up just before dawn and do the usual routine, face still has a manky bit near the corner of my mouth, its healing but still needs a blob of concealer to hide it fully. Clothes, lets do the shirt dress again, cropped tan jacket appear to work with and use a tight (to tight these days :() waist belt to pull me in a bit and give some shape. Shirt dress is just long enough to wear with just leggings, so go with cropped ones and flats. Should be comfortable enough for all day. It needs to be. Needed a massive hunt around my flat to find the bag I want to use.

No time for photo’s, have to get on. Its 10 before I get out though, tube is down, so it’s the long bus ride to the West End (no Victoria line this weekend, Meh). Some shopping to do first, still looking for that fashionable outfit and I have a few hours to kill before I have to meet up. Off the bus near Selfridges and head down towards Marble Arch, have a little look in M&S and the Next sale is a bun fight as usual, a number of places have those oh so fashionable over the knee boots, none in my size, but New Look is the one with the goods.

Seems there are refurbing the store a little, it looks lighter and slightly bigger, which is good Find a nice pair of shoes (wish this branch put of the wide styles together in a single section like others do), size 9 wide, black leather mid heel courts and a thin strap, sensible work sort of shoes. But I don’t go to work like this and I have some fairly similar ones already so do I really need another pair of shoes like this? No, but they fit really well, are easy to walk in, are real leather and they are cheap and oh well, I’ll have them. Tour the store looking for that elusive fashionable outfit, don’t find it, well not a day time one anyway, but there’s a lot of shinny party wear in at the moment (It’s a bit early for Christmas isn’t it ) and among them there’s this dark grey top,  asymmetric to be worn off the shoulder,  the material is some for of fine stretchy material and there’s a large section around the top covered in small black sequins. It speaks to me It’s in some sort of limited collection (doesn’t have a New Look label) and is only available in one size. Would it fit? Hold it up to the mirror, erm, probably (its not easy to try on stuff like this in a shop with a face covered in heavy makeup), sod it want that one too. It’s not exactly day wear though. Pick up a pair of black sequin leggings to go with it. Sequins on the leggings are not quite the same size as the top, so it they don’t quite match Go to pay, sales girl notices the party clothes as asks if I’m going out anywhere, maybe I answer. And maybe is the answer, realise when I got home I already have another black sequin top and mini skirt I’ve never worn out, and now I have this. I really have to go clubbing more often, there’s PP in a couple of weeks I suppose, but the outfit for that is already set. Try the top on when I got it home, it does actually fit rather well and its just long enough to be worn as a dress, but only just I would probably wear it with a skirt or leggings when out for modesties sake.

Look around Dotty P next, alarm goes of as I go in and as I leave, must be a tag or something left on the clothes. I show my bag for the smirking security guard to check, he might of called me “mate”, dunno

Evans, for shoes and bangles, but no bangles I like this time, though there was this sort of black lace sort of pin thing with a shinny bit in the middle (don’t know the proper name for that), I can use that. And the shoes, hrm, none really work and it looks like Evans is the only place without over the knee boots but hey, they look interesting.. Lace up heeled ankle/mid calf boots that are almost bordering on fetish wear, might be useful for dressing up outfits? Size 9 way to big, 7 a tad tight, so take the 8. They are nice, but are way too generous at the calf (always the case with Evans), will need packing out with socks or jeans or something. Yeah I’ll take them.

As I pay I hear a twang and feel a snapping at my back, I look around but there’s no one behind me, then I realise, ah, bra strap has come undone, oh, dam My larger frame put more stress on my bras, I’d noticed this one had bent hooks when I put it one, seems it failed under to the strain No need to panic, no need to panic, boobs are still in place, they are the slightly sticky Bosom Friend ones, that helps. Need to find a changing room though to see if I can reattach.

Decide I can’t use Evans, try Primark over the road but its way to busy and end up in H&M. Grab a grey jacket of approximately the right size and go to the changing rooms. They give me the one item token and wave me in (I’ve never had any problems with changing rooms, I must be lucky). Don’t even try the jacket on, it wasn’t really my sort of thing anyway, but undo the buttons to look like I did, instead sort out my bra, hooks are not broke and it fastens up properly (and stays secure for the rest of the day). Check hair and makeup, all still on good, quick brush and out, hand the jacket to the sales assistant with a “No, Sorry”.

There’s some nice jumpers and an awesome silver sequin dress down stairs in H&M, (the Diverse section), but the dress as very pricey and I already have far to many sequin things, and it’s not cold enough for jumpers yet.

Time has been getting on, I’d arrange to meet Jess and Jane on Haymarket at around 1:30, I had plenty of time before then, but wanted to get lunch first so I made my way across Mayfair to Regents street. Find a few spots to try and get a picture, some have people hanging around in them and not all the shots work out, but I think I get one OK one.

What is a Dry Riser Inlet? A lad notices me taking the pictures, and I think he might of tried to snap me with his mobile, paranoia creeps in, is he following me? Two other lads passing me who erupt into mean laughter as they get a proper look doesn’t help. Duck into a ladies wear store (forget which, not one of usual places anyway) to hide for a sec, think I lost him. Cross the street afterwards just to make sure. And to have a look in Zara and Mango Nice window display in Zara, that’s a lot of leather for a high street retailer, is everything going a bit fetishy for AW09/10 ?

Over to Piccadilly circus and then Haymarket, confidence a little down to find the bar Tiger Tiger I had agreed to meet J&J in. Same one I had dinner with Clarissa in earlier in the year. Get a glass or wine and order a fish finger sandwich and settle in a booth. Woman notices me, sure she says “That’s a transvestite” to her friends that doesn’t help. But the wine is good, I have a book (the new Neil Asher novel “Orbus”, one of the Splatterjay ones, not normally my favourites of his but this is actually rather good, well with you like big Space Opera that is) and the food arrives. Actually it arrives twice, the staff got a little confused and try to bring me a 2nd fish finger sandwich, they apologise.

Finish my meal and get a 2nd glass of wine and continue reading. Hear “Excuse me are you a Transvestite” but its just Jess, she read my last weeks blog post I see. She’s looking well, the new less foundation look she has really works and I swear her face has gotten smaller somehow. She’d been to the Tate Britain this morning to see the Turner exhibition, she was having a cultural day. Jane turns up in a bit and we are set. Reason for the meet up, the Theatre, at Jane’s suggestion Jess has booked us seats to see the Matinee performance of Breakfast at Tiffanies at the Theatre Royal Haymarket (It was going to be an evening performance, but Jess had a rare blonde moment) .

Theatre isn’t far and the tickets are all booked so it doesn’t take long for us to find our seat. We are in the upper circle and I find it slightly vertigo inducing, it’s a long way up, but there are still loads of people above us and our view of the stage is uninterrupted. Not sure I liked the look of those stairs down to the front of the circle, heels and one glass of wine to many and you could take a tumble, theatre seems to think this too and  has put glass shields at the bottom of the stair well to stop you going over the edge.

I’ve never seen the film Breakfast at Tiffanies or read the book (me bad), but like everyone else, have the seen the iconic pictures of Audrey Hepburn in the movie. Didn’t really know what to expect, but kind of assumed it was going to be a musical… suppose cause of the location in the West End I guess, but no it was a regular play. First one of those I’d seen in a long while. Don’t want to spoil it but its sort of about Holly Golightly and bright, beautiful, adorable and vivacious but unpredictable (and a bit flaky) young woman people just love to be around, even if she drives them crazy. Think it was a good production, though I have to say I was nodding in a couple of bits of the first half. Sets where simple and symbolic, which mostly works, apart from the horse ridding bit, which was rather silly.  Another thing I wasn’t expecting was the nudity, yes both the male and female leads get naked, unusual, esp in a posh theatre in the middle of the afternoon. Overall, yeah not bad, but I preferred Priscilla. I am so not a theatre critic. The play is apparently much closer to the book than the film BTW, different ending.

No pictures allowed in the theatre (usher wagged his finger at me) sorry.

We got out of the theatre just before 6, Jane had booked us tickets for a comedy club at 8 so we decided to grab an early dinner. The Comedy club was near Charing Cross, in fact it was the same one the three of us went to last year, so we decided to walk towards it, across Trafalgar square, looking for a place to eat.

We ended up at the Texas Embassy, a large Tex Mex place just before the square, because well, it looked OK. Staff where very polite and attentive and have us seated with a bowl of nachos in no time.  We share a starter, another bowl of nachos with a chilli cheese dip, very moreish, but I think it blew my entire weeks allowance of carbs and fat in one go. Try to talk but I’m useless as usual and Jess surfs the web on her mobile. Think she tended to walk a little behind me and Jane on the way here too. We really are at quite different places and levels these days, she’s doing charity work in stealth and I’m just a weekend princess in a shoddy wig and heavy makeup who goes to clubs. Oh well.

Main course, most of Tex Mex appears to be wraps I get 3, veggie, different flavours with beans and rice, very nice, especially the 2nd one, couldn’t identify the contents (Black bean?) but it tasted great. Wolf my food in no time as usual, silly person. Jane ordered something Monterey but can’t eat it, as she doesn’t like cheese, dam Mexican/Tex Mex is bad a choice for a non cheese eater, its often covered in the stuff, should of remembered she doesn’t eat it and Monterrey usually mean Monterrey Jack Cheese. I skip desert, but the others go for it, well Jane has to make up for the missing main course.

We still have a little time before the comedy show, a snap a few pics of the square and the “empty” plinth as we cross before we find a table in the Ha Ha Bar around the corner from the club (same place we went last year as well) Think I drink most of the bottle wine when I’m there, me bad, no more wine for you Missy.

To the club then, we aren’t seated at the front this time, which is a bit of a relief, we can hide in the dark in a mid row and escape the compare noticing us (well this time it would just be me). As before there are 3 acts and a compare, 3 male comics but the compare is a woman, as expected she takes the Michael a bit from the people on the front row and the 3 acts, 1st very good, 2nd, hrm OK, 3rd pretty good. Their names? what are these name things again? Had a few good hard laughs and that’s what going to a comedy club is for

The Covent Garden Comedy club gives you a stamp afterwards that’s lets you into a nearby night club, Motion (but not into Heaven, which is held in the same venue as the comedy club) so we decide to have a look. We did this last year didn’t we. Club seems to have a slightly different vibe than last year for some reason, more serious clubbers and heavier music, less hen parties and cheesy pop, hrmmm. There is a downstairs bit I didn’t see last year though, that’s where the main dance floor is.

Jane and Jess don’t stay long, they need to call to partners and just sleep, but I stay a little longer, just to have a bit of a boogie really. Its so dark and loud downstairs I don’t think the tall older odd looking woman was noticed much, especially among the pretty young things in there club wear. But the music isn’t really happening for me and it has been a long day, 3 or 4 tracks and I’m out of there.

But it is a clear night and I have big camera with me so don’t waste opportunity for a few night shots. Night photography is usually done with a tripod and long exposures, but I don’t have the kit or the time, so just grab snapshots and push the ISO.

Head back towards Charing Cross road to my bus stop, still snapping away, but with a detour into a 24 hour shop, I needed stuff for breakfast. Point at slightly over done looking croissant and pain au chocolate from hot cabinet at the back of the store and the Sikh guy serving gets them out with tongs and puts them in a bag, but as he passes them over to me they drop on the floor Dunno if it was me or the bag was upside down or what. Guy serving just shrugs his shoulders and picks another pair of pastries from the cabinet. I manage not to drop them this time.

Bus home, it’s not that late, before midnight, but its been a long day in makeup, and even in flats I’ve got a blister

Sunday and the alarm goes off at 6 again, drag myself out of bed by 7 and run the bath.

Do I want to do this all again? Well I had arranged something so I guess I should. Jess was going back home to sail her yacht, but Jane was still in town, so I’d got tickets for us to go to London Fashion Weekend, the public part of London Fashion week, we where meeting up at one. This was the event I wanted the fashionable outfit for and I didn’t have one.

 Scrape face with razor, nasty bit near mouth is getting better, but bit near in growing eyebrow with a tweezered out a few days ago is going a bit yuk. In growing hairs really mess up my face.

Takes ages to figure out what to wear, and when I do it isn’t anything special, just jeans, black tee, jacket and big boots. Surprised I fitted the jeans, they’re Next 12’s, though with padded pants as well it was pushing the zips limits. I removed the padding to ease the strain. Jacket was that military styled leartherish one from Primark (going to a Fasionista do in Primark, how sad) cause it has slightly puffy shoulders which is a current look and the big boots where the nearest I had to over the knee.

Was still unsure weather I wanted to go out, part of me just wanted to play Aion, then go to the pub for lunch and finish the novel, have a lazy boy day after Saturday, but I’d paid for the tickets and didn’t want to let Jane down, so well if I must. Try smearing red lippy on my face before applying the foundation to mask the blue shadow for a change. Think I used to much, foundation goes to pinky and needs a lot of powder to return it to a normal shade. Hair, use new big hair as I think it will go with the look. Mistake, It’s really hard to get this wig to look OK it just doesn’t sit right.

Change the camera lens to the good 24-70, well there’s going to be a catwalk show and head out. Its sunny but a bit cold still. Get a bus to the West End again, jumping off near Drury Lane.

Its about 11:40 when I get there, well I wanted to have a quick look at the shops and then grab lunch before I meet Jane. But I’m too early, most of Covent Garden doesn’t open till 12 on a Sunday. Wander around a bit until Forbidden Planet opens, there a sequel to the Quiet War that looks interesting, but I think I’ll leave it to another day. Peek at a few more shops before finding a pub near Covent Garden tube for lunch.  You think in a prime tourist spot like this they would do it up a bit, the interior is very er Traditional Brit pub (i.e. had been decorated for donkeys). Cheese sandwich, chips and beer for Sunday lunch, well its what I fancied. Explaining that lot to the eastern European barmaid was a bit difficult. Settle in a booth in the corner with my food and drink and another chapter or two of the book until one.

Freshen up before I leave the pub, hair is out of control and it’s getting warm, a bit to warm for this jacket. Weather forecast was pessimistic

Quick tour of Oasis and French Connection before finding Jane and off we trot to the Strand. We have to go to Somerset house and neither of us is exactly sure where to go, but we find it eventually (the sign posts helped).

Inside, there’s a big black tent thing for the catwalk shows in the middle of the courtyard, but the fashion show isn’t till 2, so we have a tour of the designers selling there wares in the main building

The bulk of the show appears to be designers who have set up little stalls in the rooms to sell on there wares, mostly at reduced prices. Some where reduced quite a bit, e.g. from £200-£300 to £50-£75, but 50 -75 is still lot of money. And then there was the articles themselves, was it me or was it not exactly the most fashionable? Seemed like a lot of people where just getting rid of old stock. Then there was the sizes, I did see a blouse I quite liked and looked on the rack for my size, they had 4 (British 4 = the infamous US size 0), 6 and 8 and nothing bigger. Like I was going to fit those. This trend was repeated quite a bit, always very small sizes for very thin (and probably wealthy) women, not 6′ trannies. To be honest I think I will stick to New Look.

But we did have a good tour, Jane was looking for bags anyway, and there where plenty of those on display. She didn’t find one she liked though. I saw one or two I liked though, absolutely enormous they where, perfect for big camera and all my stuff. Problem was they didn’t have a price tag on them, if you have to ask you can’t afford it as the old phrase goes. Was a bit difficult to move though some times, the event was popular, and the small rooms and corridors didn’t help. Predicably 95% of the attending public where female, and often young and fashionable. Some models too perhaps, I guess this becuase they where very pretty and cause they where the only ones who could come up to my chin. I think I got a few looks, possible causes :- the height (Those big brown boots have 4″ heels adding to my 6′) my shoddy clothes or just cause I’m a tranny. Nobody I heard commented though. Perhaps I just looked andro or a guy with long hair in high heels.

The building itself was interesting though, Somerset house is a funny old place, very grand on the outside, Georgian originally I think, but with lots of smallish, very plain empty rooms inside that appear to have no function connected by narrow corridors.. I wonder what it is all used for most of the time? Does it stand empty ?

About quarter to 2 we go and find our places at the catwalk. Black suited usher said Ladies and then he might of added “and gentleman” this way as he directed us to the seats But we sort of lucked out with them, the place was very busy, 5 rows of seats each side packet in tight, so I wasn’t expecting a good view, but we got sent right down the 4th row of seats to the very end, giving me a clear view of the start of the catwalk, perfect for photo’s Also there was a carton of juice on every seat

There where 4 collections in the show, plus video’s and a compare who did a little fun Zoolander style walk off between two of the audience to win a show bag, a petite pretty young Russian girl and some girls dad. The dad camped it up rotten and got a big laugh, winning the bag. I had a ticket for a show bag anyway, had to pick that up later.

Any way back to the shows, they where themed around trends mostly and do as a demonstration of a catwalk show to use the general public, not a real fashion industry event. Think that worked though, the host was informative and fun, not condescending.

First walk was a general show on big shoulders, said it was a current trend.

Likes that one, possible my fave. I loved the huge feather skirt on the last girl (who was by far the best model there, loads of character and a great walk, plus she even smiled).

2nd was print dresses, which are apparently the new little black dress. I expected them to be a bit I dunno, wilder, more mixed up, but they all looks a tad staid.

3rd collection was from an Paris based Indian designer as an example of couture and high fashion, flamboyant and colourful if not exactly supermarket wearable.

And the last show was from Yeager, from there AW09/10 collection, more sort of wearable useable fashion. Dunno, didn’t appeal for some reason, can’t say why, just not my sort of thing and that’s not because it was “wearable”/”useable” and I’m a tranny, I do wear practical clothes you know (occasionaly), hell I was in jeans that day.

In between the shows we had videos from Tony and Guy showing hair styles (they where an even sponsor), Elizabeth Arden (the event makeup sponsor) and a look at some SS10 styles.

I really did enjoy the catwalk show, best bit of the day, made coming out worth it. Pictures worked to I think. Could of done with a faster shutter and wider aperture for more depth of field I suppose but I was fighting for light, tried flash for a bit, but it didn’t give me what I wanted, but spot metering on the models (using continuous 3d tracking focus) just exposed them (they where illuminated by strong lights on the catwalk) and left background almost pitch black, which was a good effect. An ugly bit of scaffolding did appear in a lot of the shots though, but this was disappeared into the black background during post processing Could of done with a longer lens though, 70mm is was just that bit short and I had to crop.

After the show everyone jumped up and started taking photo’s, inc me Ushers had to keep telling people to get off the catwalk. I get one shot of Jane, but the one she took of me with my cam was badly over exposed (my fault with the setting, not Jane’s). In fact no pictures of me came out that day, which was probably a good thing really.

Quick look at the Elizebeth Arden demo going on after the show (oops forgot to put the photo on Flickr) but its mostly skin care and the sort of makeup you can use when you don’t have a beard shadow to cover.

Hot now, jacket was too much in this sunshine, we had quick drink on the terrace and then off to the 2nd location, which was 5 minutes up the stand in an empty office building. Some many empty spaces in central London ::(  Again this was a sort of designer jumble sale, we have tour, Jane spot a few bags, but there’s no keepers. I do get my show bag though, the contents are a bit of a mixed bag, there’s some coffee (Lavazza, an Italian coffee company who does cool adds was another event sponser) a brolly, some booklets, some Tony and Guy conditioner and a little Elizabeth Arden folding compact thingy that had a multi tone bronzer and 4 eye shadows in it  and a couple of small brushes. Actually that compact was probably worth the asking price (Google tells me it goes for between 9 and 13 quid retail).

Well that was it really, London Fashion week, catwalk show good, show bag, probably worth it, designer jumble sale, Meh, esp if you are a size 14. Don’t think I’ll go next year.

Outside I said good bye to Jane and went to find a bus. Sorry for not being great company Jane and I think I over charged you for the ticket since you paid for the comedy night, I owe you at least a large cocktail or something.

Home, via the local shop for stuff for dinner, but end up just eating dry wholemeal pita bread (cause I like it). Rest of the day Aion (huge queues to get a server slot), book and photo processing.

Was a long weekend, and as much as I look forward to Helena time on Saturday,  I also look sort of orward to the lazy Sunday wind down as well, especially if I have a good book and am not on call. I just need to rest a bit at my age.

Next week, er well I have an out fit to get ready, but I think I have most of it and er that’s about it, so I should get a little break. But the weekend after that, should be all go. Yikes!

As weeks go it wasn’t too bad, I’m on support this week but only get one or two calls (when they shouldn’t have really called me anyway). Manage to behave too, kept off the booze (that really does help), ate sensibly and got a lot of walking in. Don’t get out of work that early on Friday, but eventually get out and half the weekend starts here.

Trouble is work had given me another thing to support over the weekend and 2 of the systems I normally just react to had to be monitored directly, mostly for political reasons, sigh, so Sunday was really just going to be spent in my flat staring at my laptop. But Saturday I should be OK and that was a Corset and Diamond night for Saturday daytime I had planned a photo shoot (as I was still callable), hadn’t done one of them for a while, and in corset and diamonds honour (and since the Star Trek uniform hadn’t turned up) I had planned a corset themed one

Was woken by work on Saturday morning, two calls, one no you shouldn’t be calling me and the other yeah I have to do something manage to get cleaned up and defuzzed (completely) and paint my nails red during the work, but had really wanted to be made up and shooting photo’s by 10:30, its 11:30 before I’m ready. Face is still a bit nasty, another flare up near my mouth has to be covered up.

First outfit was the catwoman catsuit, with a leather under bust corset, leather thighboots and leatherette long gloves with the new hair and the extra extra large forms. Rather fetishy I think, but I dunno, I rather like it, and its actually reasonably comfortable too, the catsuit is coated lycra type stuff, not PVC or Latex and is actually really light and nice on. Takes a bit of time to get the lights close to how I want them though (Need more room in my “studio”) and that hair is awkward, it never seems to sit quite right. And work calls again, felt “slightly” weird answering a work call whilst dressed in this outfit, thank goodness its not a video phone. Get the lights to almost acceptable in the end and manage to get a few keepers. Really need more room in my studio (kitchen) to get things how I would like though.

Yes there was a bit of post processing going on, mostly boosting levels and colours, with a little touch up (mostly around my neck), but this is a fantasy photoshoot,  its not meant to be “real” so I don’t feel too dishonest doing this. Named the pic after a Russ Myer’s film (the huge boobs see) Faster Pussy Cat Kill Kill, came to be a bit of a theme for the shoot

You know I really like this outfit, I sat having lunch in it (with wine, more about that later) afterwards just because. I want to go out in it sometime, it could work at Torture garden or RUB, maybe even the Festival of Sins. Might loose the padded pants though, they looked lumpy and wrong, will just have to lace as tight as possible to get a good waist to hips ratio. There is a problem though, it’s a front zip catsuit that doesn’t extend around the crotch like most fetish ones do, I do think those sort of wrap around the privates zips do look a bit tacky and prefer the look without them, but I suppose it would make having a bio break possible (Though this is probably not their main purpose is it). With mine I would have to completely disrobe (inc corset) to take a pee add to that the likely heat build up and its not a practical going out outfit. Will think about it, might have to get a proper cat suit to go out in.

Next outfit isn’t much of an outfit more just underwear with my usual hair had defuzzed the chest just for this one. Am going to try and shave my chest every week if I can keep the in growing hairs at bay (exfoliate exfoliate exfoliate as the Darlek beauty therapist said). It appear to help if you keep doing it. This shoot goes really well, many keepers in the bag very quickly, think it took longer just to find a pair of un laddered holdups to wear.

Warm coloured light is flattering I find. Think the garter was a mistake though, doesn’t fit well with the outfit, and the bra should be less lacy. Perhaps I should of tried the cleavage trick and taped myself up? It might have worked. Wanted to do another set of pics in this outfit on the bed, I’d bought a red satin duvet cover just for that, but it would of taken to much time to get everything set up, and work had delayed me to much already. Save that shoot for another day.

Third outfit is my burlesque outfit from last year (Corset and Diamonds Moulin Rouge) sans skirt, well its that sort of day:) Slightly different lace top this time and new lace gloves though (had lost one of the old pair) and shoes I wouldn’t wear out again (to tight). Again the shoot goes well.

Slightly adjust the colour of the forms in post so they didn’t look so fake. Really I should of put makeup on them to match my chest instead. Like this outfit too, it needs to get out again (though probably with the skirt and comfier shoes), perhaps the magic theatre or FoS or something new?. That burgundy corset is showing signs of wear though, already!

Had a bit of a rest after this, nice salad for evening meal, low carb and fat and everything, but with olives and tuna it was rather nice. Had been in corsets all day, all tightly laced and was still feeling good. Had some more wine, in fact, I’d drank half a bottle on Friday night, had finished that at lunch time and had opened another bottle for dinner… Was probably a bit tispy by now, but didn’t seem to notice it. I usually can, not a good sign. Keeping off the booze during the week only to binge at the weekend isn’t the solution.

Reboot the makeup a bit, and go for a really really red gloss on the lips and change into the final outfit, the one I was planning to wear to CnD, the gangster burlesque one. Pictures a bit hard to take this time, didn’t seem to be working as well.

Actually I think the outfit was a bit of a disappointment, it didn’t quite gel like I hoped it would, something about the proportions. Stockings where to low too, I wanted just a glimpse of the tops and the hat sits to high. Needed more accessories as well, wanted big chunky silver signet rings, but couldn’t find any cheap ones, used a big “Diamond” ring (£3.99 from Superdrug) and my Rolex watch (which is as real as the ring), but a cigar, some cufflinks, braces, handkerchief and/or a Tommy gun would of worked. Saw some toy Tommy guns in fancy dress shops but they where to small and the details where wrong, an Airsoft would have worked, but they cost a packet and can’t easily be bought. Also should of kept my legs together for a few more poses as well. Still I have this outfit now, it will be worn again, with a few adjustments, if FoS do a greed sin theme, I can swap the Fedora for a Bowler hat and with a copy of the FT I can go as a merchant banker Real problem is the shoes though, they are not easy to walk in, my stocking feet seem to slip forward and the toes get crushed a bit. Look around for gel pads to see if they would help (cushioning and tracktion), but can’t find any. Still it’s too late to change the outfit now.

Still have a little time before CnD, so just chill for a bit and you guessed, drank more wine. Perhaps I should of done the bed shoot. And drank less.

Right time to go, pack up big cam with the grip and flash on the bracket in the bag, that, plus my emergency makeup, hairbrush, wallet, keys and oyster fills the big camera bag. Think about packing flats as well, but don’t really have room to carry them. Loosen the corset a bit, put on the hat and the big leather coat and off to find a bus. The heels are even harder work on the pavement, its slow going.

Bus gets there eventually and drops me off at Mount Pleasant. Corset and Diamonds is in the Priory this month (like it was last November), which means a 10 minute walk from here to Clerkenwell, its mostly down hill which feels harder than it should be in those shoes and it takes 5 minutes longer to get there than normal. I should gone in flats shouldn’t I.

At the Priory and yup, I’m on the guest list, Monica, the nights promoter, had put me on it because of the photo of mine Time Out picked for their article. Oh looks quiet, but its only half 9, the night is still young. Pop down to the loo’s first, to use the facilities and to check my outfit. My that’s a really really big mirror in there, but I can’t use it, the place is packed with girls doing up their corsets and adjusting their makeup (find later most where all part of a hen party) and using the mirror. No one seemed to mind me being in there and its rather nice and girly been in there with them

Need to tighten up my corset, ask one girl to help, she asks weather she should start with the top or the bottom laces, no need I say, just and just reached around, grabbed the loops and yanked them hard, I’d been in a corset most of the day and my body was ready for it. Think she was a little impressed on the tightness I managed. She gives them a bit more of a tug and ties them off in a nice bow, which is the hard bit to do by yourself. Thank you very much hun.

Upstairs, get a glass of wine (yet more) and wait for the fun to begin. Trouble is this time I’m a bit alone, none of the other T-girls I know who usually turn up to this event where coming this time Even by the end of the night I only spot two other t-girls, one I was aware of from Roses form (Neil, She doesn’t do fem names) and another girl I didn’t know at all. Not a good showing on our front, but I suppose this is really a Lesbian night and we are always going to be a tiny minority. Still nobody seemed to have any problems with any of us.

Being alone (OK I said Hi to a couple of people I sort of know) mostly I just went around photographing people, mostly the Burlesque performers, posed shots and a few candid’s. This isn’t of them, go to my FLicr stream to get the rest.

Loaded all as full sized ones onto flickr. Had the flash on the bracket pointing up to try and get ceiling bounce, but the ceiling was high in the Bar, limiting this. Had the compensation turned down a stop and the flash by -.7 to try and keep the bar’s shadowy atmosphere, but decided they mostly to dark afterwards. Brightened most of them with shadow recovery in NX2, but this seemed to bring in some noise, so not many great shots. But for a change I had a zoom lens on not a prime, so I think I managed to vary the shots a bit more. All part of the learning curve.

Virtually everyone had made a good effort with the outfits, but the Gangster theme was rather popular, with the boys and the girls. They had Bugsy Malone running a loop on the video screen.

We had 4 burlesque acts, Bella De Jac was first, doing a traditional fan dance in a very bold red outfit.

Ginger Blush had a take on the diet coke ads with Blush the builder, starting off as as a labourer and ending up in stockings. Flash lead came unplugged during this one, doh, so I missed the finale

Next girl Alaska Blue had a nice flapper dress and ended up pouring champagne down her self Don’t think it was actually champagne, (that would of been a waste)

The last act was CnD regular World Mistress with yet another look, I can only recognise her by the tattoos sometimes.

It was also World Mistresses birthday, so Miss Katy treated her to a lap dance  (and laddered her stocking)

Ruby Rosa gave us some more songs, she performed a few sitting down, are you Ok love?

Other thing, well a costume contest as usual, the hen party got btough on stage and there was some rather unusual apple bobbing to add to the fun.

Time seemed to pass quickly, even when I was alone and niether the shoes or the corset seemed to hurt that much. Didn’t even drink to much, think I only got one more drink, a rather nice French Martini, which I had to bolt as another Burlesque act was starting up and pictures needed taking.

There where a couple of other shooters in the house, no cameras where pointed my way though, my outfit didn’t gel and I am old an ugly, but the guy with the cameras where (I assume) straight guys, they generally are less likely want to photograph a T-girl. In the end I just lent one my camera to shoot me. He was impressed by my lens though.

Think there was also a little photo booth set up on the mezzanine floor, they had hot lights and stuff, not sure what that was about, didn’t investigate. There was also the usual girl doing makeup and a couple of others where doing back rubs (might of gone for that).

By about one I’d had enough, the entertainment had finished and the music was starting to pick up and a few people where dancing, but I wasn’t in the mood. Get my coat and call it a night. Not a bad CnD night, but not the best. Oh Well.

Walk back towards Rosebury avenue Its hard going in the shoes still, tiredness and booze didn’t help. My walk must look really awkward, so even in the dark in a big coat I’m clocked. As I walk past another bar, a girl outside says “Are you a transvestite?” I just duck my head and carry on, “You look good” she says as I pass, guess she was just the curious type. Pass pub further up, a quite drunk looking woman pushes some sort of flashing microphone thingy inf ront of me an mumbles something, again, head down, keep walking, guy in the same group says “They are shy” or something. Don’t really know what was going on there.

Its hard work up the hill but eventually I make it to the Chicken shop and the Cab office. Get some chips first then try to get a cab at the 2nd. Woman stops me outside the office, she’s a Big Issue seller and she says she only needed another £1.20 to get a burger, I give her a 2 pound coin. Right after that I probably did something very silly.

It’s a 5 minute wait for the car, I just wait in the office eating my chips. There’s not much room in the back of the car and the cabbie doesn’t want me eating, so I wrap up my chips. As we get close to my road I get my wallet out to pay. Except I can’t, I can’t find my wallet, Oh shit, Oh Shit Oh Shit, and other un lady like language (but in my best girl voice). Check pockets, check the floor of the cab, check bag three times. No Wallet. Oh fuck, its got my debit card in and cash and various bits of my life. Dammm, OMFG what am I going to do I can’t pay the man. He sees me so frantic about wallet I guess he takes pity or just doesn’t want to fight about a 7 pound cab ride at half one on Sunday morning with a 6′ tranny, so he lets me off without paying. Nice guy, me  idiot. I guess it was after I gave the homeless woman some cash I dropped it.

Since it had cash in (40-50 quid) it and a debit card I assumed I would never see it again. Walk around the corner to my flat, very dejected what an end to an evening. Luckily it was only my wallet was lost, still had my keys, Oyster and most importantly my camera. I don’t know what I would do if I lost that.

De-tart and clean up, then make the call to cancel the debit card. I have no cash, but I should be able to get some out with my savings card on Sunday. I never carry that with me normally, so its safe at home. Bed.

Sunday morning and I have work to do and the worst hangover I’ve had in a few years. I didn’t feel that pissed on Saturday, but I guess I must have been, all the wine though the day added up. Guess that was the reason I lost my wallet too.  Check the job I have to check and its failed then few calls later and I find why its failed, backup is running, why now, problems with the tape system I’m told. Personally I think it’s a mistake to run offline backups on a database when a long complex load job is running on a production system is using it, but apparently I’m in a minority on this opinion. Then there’s a problem with another system, not one I have to fix but it could lead to a delay in something I do have to look after. Oh and then that other thing that I had to look after as well has a yet another problem and I have to manually run a few loads and reports.

Arrrgggg, I felt utterly rotten, miserable and useless, wanted to just go back to bed and hide under the duvet until it all went away very much a low point or the weekend.

The hangover seemed to get worse, in the end I er had to drive the porcelain bus (you know what that means). It’s been a long time since I had to do that. But I felt much better after it (as you always do). Few more calls and some hacking about and I’m getting on top of some of the work problems.

Feeling a little better now, have more salad and tuna for lunch and see what I can do about cash. Since I only use my savings card in emergencies I’ve forgotten the PIN arrgg,  hunt around in my draws to see if I still have the slip of paper with it on, but but no, can’t find it, must of thrown it out. Do find pair of gel pads and think I now remember the pin for the savings.

Try the pin I thought I remembered in the machine in the post office, but it isn’t right found about just over a pound in change in the flat, that’s my cash supply til the banks open.

But its not all to bad, I had some food left and should be able to get cash with a cheque on Monday, and hopefully my new debit card will arrive by Friday.

Back to work, the delayed job got sorted and its now running. But with the delay it means it will finish past 2am and I have to make sure it finishes OK and balance it, so it’s going to be a long day Other job, well I think I’ve got some of it moving.

Then I get another call on my mobile, oh no not again. But it’s a withheld number, Hello Mr XXXX, it’s the police. Oh no what now…. but no, they where calling to say my wallet had been handed in to the police station, with cards and cash intact! I’m over the moon, yeah I cancelled my card but still what a result, there are still some honest people in the world. I tell the police man to give the cash in the wallet to the person who handed it in, but they had already left. Work was in a lull so it’s of to the police station. I run a few bits.

Get there quite quick, yes it’s my wallet, I present my Passport as ID and they hand the wallet over, no paper work (apparently they hadn’t got around to doing it), no problem. Relief. I have cash now too. Seems the person who handed the wallet in, “Amy”, left there number on my a card in the wallet. I had to ring her and thank her and offer a reward. But after I get some more cash out on Monday, I needed this cash. One thing I still don’t get though is where they got my mobile number from, my work card was in the wallet, with my work number on it, not my mobile. Hrmmm. Walk back home, picking up some beer on the way, hangover was gone and I needed one.

Work, still continuing, one bit, some errors, but nothing important, other bit, well I’m out of my depth, think I did something wrong, its not a system I normally work on. Am on the phone to my boss who does work on that system, he offers to sort it all out. No brownie points for me.

Well I just had one last system to monitor, and that won’t finish till 2 so busy myself with sorting out the photo’s from the shoot and CnD. This takes till 1, then I have to get them up to Flickr. 94 fullsized files take a long time to upload. Its 3am before they are done and I can unplug the modem from my PC and plug it into the work laptop to check work. The job did finish and it balances, phew. Text the people I have to text (work politics) and crawl into bed at about 3:45.

Told my boss I was working from home on Monday. By the time I’ve crawled out of bed and had a bath its lunch time. I ain’t working from home, I’m having a day off. Work gave me it Lieu for the Sunday.

Go to bank and write a cheque for cash,  then went to  the cab office from Saturday and give them a twenty, I didn’t want to not pay the fare. I try to explain and the controller, who actually remembers the incident and says thanks for the money, I initially said it was for a friend who lost her wallet, but got a little confused over genders. Think he probably realised what was up (I still had the red nail varnish on too).

Have lunch in a pub after with a couple of pints, well for courage, then phone the number of the good Samaritan. I get voice mail, I leave a message thanking her profusely. Should I follow up?

Back home, and I the prestart for Aion is running, so I just spend an evening with the kobolds.

Next week, breakfast at Tiffanies. 

Working from home Friday, reason, well I had a flat viewing booked, I’d already scoped out the building, it was a new development with some part buy/part rent units by a basin off the Canal, on the sort of the Dalston/Hoxton border (OK Haggerston or even De Beauvoir town if you are feeling cruel/accurate), a bit run down in parts but also an coming area, good transport links (New tube station being built 5 minutes away) and handy for shops and did I mention, by water

I walked over (it’s so near my place I can walk there), get suited up in a hard hat, reflective jacket and safety wellies (The place was still being built, so health and safety rules and all that, but the kit was provided) and get shown the 2 bed flat. I liked it, 2nd bedroom was small, but it would make a nice studio, there was good storage, bath and shower, gas heating but the best bit was this winter garden thing (Sort of like an glass enclosed balcony) at the end of the main room and the master bedroom, it was a sunny day and the light just filled the place, and the view over the canal basin with the sun glinting off it was quite lovely. I could afford it and I wanted it. I was ready to put down the reservation fee there and then. Problem was 2 other people where viewing at the same time as me, and they wanted it too, and there was about another 20-30 people viewing that day too. Oh well, decided to fill in the reservation form anyway, but there was this points thing, you got points for living in the borough, points for being a key worker, points for living in council accommodation etc. Guess what, I didn’t qualify for any of them, that would put me at the bottom of the list and then the kicker, I didn’t qualify for the development at all anyway, because I live in North London and the part buy/part rent scheme was only for residents of East London Boroughs (The building was in the borough of Hackney). Wasted trip, I wasn’t happy, I swear I read it was the East London applicants had priority that’s all. Kick in the teeth, I walked towards home and 300 meters up the street, I cross in to the borough of Islington, “North London”, yeah residents of a borough 300m away where not allowed, but people miles away where Post code lottery.

Good news, my phaser arrived I’ve ordered a star trek uniform (cause I’m a nerd see) from Forbidden Planet, but found some accessories (phaser and Tricorder) cheap on Amazon as well. The delivery person came, but since I wasn’t in at the time I found a slip on the doormat saying they had left them with a neighbour at number XX. I live at XX, so I went around all the flats in my building, nope, nobody had picked up the delivery. So I rang the delivery company, turns out they left it at number XZ, Flat A. Why on earth didn’t they write that on the card? So I ask at XZ Flat A, nope no delivery there. Pretty worried now, one last thing to try, Flat B. Turns out Flat B’s resident, who must of only just got up and had half a face pack still on, did take the delivery. Thank you very much girl at XZ Flat B. So I now have my phaser, so where’s my uniform? Ring up, turns out they are having problems with the supplier and its not expected till the end of next week I really don’t like web shopping.

Other slightly better news, Aion now works, in the last few days of the open Beta they sent out version 1.5.0.4 and that works for me, no more Game Guard errors after 5 minutes, I can now play for hours…. So a “little” time has been spent MMORPGing. It runs OK even on my rather old hardware, villages and towns get a touch choppy, but the main game is fast enough and it still looks good too even on low/medium settings. So far, well its not that different from most MMORPG’s (it mostly follows the WoW model) a bit linear, but it does feel slightly more involved and a touch harder than most. I guess its big USP is flight, at level 10 (a days or two’s play) you get a pair of angelic wings most parts of the game you can only use them to glide, but in a few zones (OK only one I’ve found so far, but I’m only level 15) you can fly. Even there is limited to a minute at a time. But latter in the games there’s a big RvR PvP areas called the abyss that features a lot of flying and ariel combat. Beta ends today, but I think I will give the live version a shot when its relapsed in a week or two, I’m likely to get bored of it within 2 months, but it should be fun for a while. If MMORPG, WoW, PvP, RvR mean nothing to you, don’t worry, all it means is you have a life and I don’t.

Oh yeah tranny stuff, well yeah I still do that (Oh that Star Trek Uniform I ordered, it’s a girl’s one of course). Up late on Saturday (er due to playing Aion late on Friday) and have a lazy bath and defuzz. My that’s a lot of fluff to get rid off.  Bell rings when I’m in the bath. Dam. Pop down stairs after shaving and look, another card on the dormat. This time from the post office, parcel to big for the letter box. I was expecting another parcel, guess this was it. Right dash to the sorting office on the off chance it had got back there already. I was in Ian mode, but ah, I’d ordered this item as Helena Love, and the post office usually demands ID before it releases parcels at the sorting office, could be a problem I took my passport and proof of address and prepared a story about the parcel being for my girl friend who was out of town. Turns out the package had got back to the office and since it didn’t require a signature, they just gave it to me, no ID or story required. Bit odd since it clearly stated Helena Love on the front. Got lucky for a change I guess.

Contents of the parcel? a skirt if you must know, from Jed Phoenix. A short black (more very charcoal grey really) pinstripe skirt to be exact, unusual because it has a zip at the front and a set of rings down the back to which you lace a pinstripe and black silk bustle to. It is rather unusual fetish/burlesque sort of design in business pinstripe. Try on, fits properly now I just need a corset to match. You see its Corset and Diamonds next week, with a 20’s theme, and this skirt is going to form part of a “Gangster Burlesque” outfi”, black and white shoes, stockings, that pinstripe skirt, a pinstripe underbust corset, white shirt, black tie and a fedora. Think it will work, but still had to get the corset and the hat, so today’s plan was a trip to Camden to get them and since the skirt had arrived bang on time, I can take it with me to make sure I get a match. The package also included a couple of flyers and a hand written note from Jed from Jed Phoenix (I’d been in email contact) which is very nice, good customer service there.

Ok that’s the last of me moaning about deliveries, back to Helena. Outfit, I did have a plan, but the weather put a stop to it, forecast said cold, but it was warm out, so rethink, out goes the jacket and long skirt, in goes a black tee, black skirt, grey tights, silver boots (again) and a oversized checked shirt, with a belt to try and give me a little bit of a figure. Gawd I’m fat these days Tee shirt was an AC/DC one, simply cause I couldn’t find a plain black one, still it looked OK I guess.

So after makeup and faffing about I’m finally ready to go, it’s nearly one. No time for a photo shoot, just do an arm outstretched shot near the window with good light.

Nasty lump thingy on my chin has nearly healed, but still have to cover the remnants with a blob of concealer. Off to Camden then, walk then train then walk, shall I stop for lunch, er better not if I’m corset shopping don’t want to bloat. Weather is lovely for mid September.

So off to my favourite corset stall. But to be honest, I think its going a bit down hill a bit, its still got a lot of stock, but more and more are just fashion corsets and bustiers, these are cheaper, but don’t give you the shape like a proper boned corset with a steel busk and given my current lard gut situation, I really need a proper one. They don’t have any 28″ proper underbust corsets in pinstripe in stock damm. They have fashion ones, but I don’t really want one of those. Right lets try the other places then, next place turns out to just be another branch of the first place, mostly fashion ones (but they do have one that matches the skirt…) next place, no pinstripe, OK last place I know and er Oh, its now an army surplus store, damm. I need this corset.

Go back to the 2nd place I tried and look at the fashion one. It’s got a zip at the front, no real bones but it does lace up. Girl running the unit it is smiley and helpful and doesn’t have a problem with me trying it on. Have to disrobe a bit down to just the tee shirt, it gets around my waist loosely laced, the shop girl tightens it up. She has a right good tug on it (I have to brace myself) and does it up as tightly as she can (confirms my belief all GG’s get a certain pleasure out of lacing up Tgirls into corsets very tightly). Ok it doesn’t look too bad, it does nip me in a little and its only 30 quid. Sod it, it will have to do. Bemoan to the girl in the shop that they don’t have any steel ones, but she says “Oh they are only for fat girls, you have a straight figure”. Flatterer and it’s not true.

Trouble is I tried it on again at home, and its virtually impossible to do up yourself tightly, it just bends out of shape and the laces at the top and bottom stay loose So unless I get assistance, it’s a no go. Sod it. I started looking around for proper pinstripe corsets on line instead. As luck would have it,Honour had one, underbust, steel busk, pinstripe, £60, and I’ve already got one of there’s, they are well made and fit well, so I think we are on to a winner. So I popped into there shop in Watford this lunchtime and got one Useful shop that, its attached to their warehouse, so they always have everything in stock. But £30 I spent on the other will  be a bit wasted unless I loose weight.

Back to the plot, corset sorted (so I’d thought), now I need the 2nd outfit. There’s the Magic Theatre and Festival of Sins coming up in October, the MT is on Halloween, and the sin for FoS is “Sloth”, so pushing the themes a little, I’d decided to go get a black gothic Lolita dress, to wear with lots of black eyeliner and thigh boots and wear it to both (don’t think anybody else goes to both nights, so I guess I  can get away with wearing it twice), a sort of Goth/Sloth/dark/Funeral/Halloween etc look, I know its tenuous, but I have to economise a bit and can’t get to many new outfits.  See one dress I quite like in one of the Lolita places (Camden has at least 3, though there are probably all just branches of the same store), and they have it in large too. Can I try it on? No problem, so I trot into the cubicle. It’s got 3 parts, a high waist skirt, a shirt top and a hair accessory. Try the skirt first, and Oh bugger, I can’t get the zip done up fat girl strikes again. And it’s Large!!! In my defence, the outfits are designed for petite Japanese girls and large is about size 12. Not a good defence, I probably used to be able to fit them.

Ok if large doesn’t fit need a rethink. Go into one of the other places and look at a few black shirts instead, they are quite ornate, with bell sleeves etc. figure I could wear one of these with my leather underbust corset, my lacy skirt and the thigh boots. As I have one of these sort of shirts already in white in size large and reckon I can sill get into it I should be OK? Pick up a large one and ask the girl working there about them, with all smiles and the best intentions, points out they come in extra large too and the lacing on the back can be loosened…. She was just being helpful and wanted to make sure it fitted, she also shows me to other similar designs they have and how it all looks on a mannequin outside. So I decide to go with the extra large. Do you take cards? No sorry only cash, ah used my last £30 on that corset. There’s a cash machine in the market she says, no I know better, that will have a huge queue and it will charge you. She holds the shirt for me whilst I made a quick dash to Morrison’s instead, though the back stairs, three free cash machines with no queue. Back to the shop and that’s my shirt purchased, figure I now have the outfits sorted. Tried the shirt on later at home, waist is fine, even slightly loose, shoulders are OK, but it’s the chest that’s very tight, might have to go A cup. Found a hat I hadn’t worn in ages works nicely with it and I can dress it all up with lace and black roses.

That’s the outfit shopping done, and its nearly 3 and all I’ve eaten all day is a small yogurt (zero fat Weight Watchers) and a small croissant, so HUNGRY! Over the road looking for somewhere to eat I end up in the Lock Tavern, as well it looked nice and the food sounded OK (bit to fattening perhaps), not crowded either. Order a veggie burger from polite but slightly nonplussed long haired barman and was going to order my usual Rose, but oh, they have Frulli on tap Frulli is a Belgian Strawberry Wheat beer, its pink and really does taste of Strawberries, its absolutely gorgeous. Order that instead, feeling securing enough in my femininity (even if other people aren’t) to drink pints of pink beer in public Tis cool, fruity and lovely. Settle into a comfy sofa with my pint and a book waiting for my Veggie burger. Curious guy working in the kitchen speaks to me, asking about my book, I answer politely, guess he hasn’t seen than many tranny sci fi nerds. Burger arrives, its mostly just a chunk of butternut squash, which is er different. Doesn’t taste to bad really. Book gets good, so order a small glass of Rose (Beer was nice, but that’s a lot of liquid) and finish another chapter or two with the last  of the chips.

Right accessories, gangster outfit needed a hat and there’s the fancy dress shop They have gangster hats, but they are pretty naff, don’t fit right, and aren’t pinstripe. Don’t bother, will look elsewhere. Head back towards the centre of Camden, looping through the market again, just to see if they have opened up any new bits and to just browse a bit. Have to remind my self not to stare too hard at a couple of very cute girls in Cyberdog.

Have I ever been up that staircase I wonder? No, why not, don’t know, so go up there? Well why not. So I did. There’s no shops at the top, looks like there could be a couple of store rooms or workshops or something, not sure I’m supposed to be here but no one seems to mind. But there are a couple of handy looking ledges, right lets get a photo.

Actually I got a few, but that was probably the best, lens flare was a total accident, but I like it.

Out of the Stables and over the canal, and oh yeah there are loads of tourist shops in Camden that sell hats. Find a pinstripe Fedora in one, better made than the costume shop ones and it fits to right that will do, how much, £25 shop man says smiling, no way, OK £20, no thanks and I just walk out the shop, I can’t stand bargaining. Spot an identical hat in a shop a few doors down, how much? £10 says the man, OK, I pay. Was still probably too much but as I said, I don’t like bargaining (I’m so English at times).

There’s H&M, pop in, use the mirrors to check face. Yes its still there, kid my self I look good ind today’s gone quitr well hasn’t it? Spot a mini, leather (ish), I like leather mini’s but already have several black ones, but this is grey, I like grey, buy it

That’s about it, oh maybe not, Stockings, have I got a pair of lace top black unladdered back seemed ones? Probably not, better get some. Gangster burlesque demands stockings, worn with a garter with the tops peaking from the bottom of the skirt Can’t find the exact pair I want in the good hosiery shop so I ask, slightly camp guy working there is pleased to help and locates just the right pair, in large.

Ok that’s definitely the shopping done. Clothes shopping anyway, still need stuff for dinner. £10 deal in M&S, no, all sold out of the veggie option, lets not bother, go to Tesco nearer home. Out of M&S and cross the street, “Awright Darlin” snigger snigger I hear behind me in a very loud mocking blokey tone as I cross, don’t bother to look who said it, carry on, try not to give satisfaction, but I stumble a little on my kitten heel as I get on the pavement and that probably adds his amusement. Oh well, every one else was nice.

OK back to the train station, train is already there and I just manage to get in before the doors close. Stop in Tesco’s for wine, olives (thanks for showing me where they where Tesco person) and veggie sushi and then home. Spend the rest of the night trying on clothes, drinking wine, playing Aion and watching DVD’s.

Sunday, sort of had half a plan to spend that in Helena mode, but Aion got in the way (Hey my character in there is female, so its sort of like Helena mode :)) But do manage to pop out to a nearby pub for lunch and to finish my book. Hey they have Frulli as well

It’s been a bit dull recently, but that should change, next week is Corset and Diamonds, week after that the Theatre and in October there’s FoS, MT and for the first time, BNO!

Friday, wanted to get out work early, but the Boss wanted me to work on something so I have to stay an extra hour or two, bah! But finally get out of there. Pick up a pre order for Aion (sort of new MMORPG) on the way home that lets you get into the Beta. Right the weekend then and oh, family dinner with my mum, brother, sister in law and nephew on Saturday night had been planned (by them) so that sort of puts a limit on Helena time doesn’t it. So I’ll have Helena time on Sunday then won’t I.

So what to do on Saturday before dinner, well I had laundry to do, but since the weather has gone all autumnal I’ve been thinking about snowboarding again, so I resolved to go boarding first thing Saturday morning. Spent Friday night making sure the board was OK, get the laundry ready to take to the laundrette and downloaded Aion, well some of it, its 9gb!

Don’t sleep well on Friday night and wake up with stomach ache, don’t feel well at all. But I GOING boarding anyway I tell myself. Lug everything to the station, for a change the tube is running. I was actually planning to go to Milton Keynes because I wasn’t that impressed with Hemel Hemstead Snow Centre its shorter and not quite as interesting and it costs more esp when you have to get a Taxi from the station (though it is better ran), but MK had park events Friday and Saturday night and this is bad if you go on Saturday morning for recreational riding. The problem is they will almost away close one half of the slope for tobogganing and on the other half there will be roped off freestyle toys, this forces all slope users into a narrow little stretch at the bottom of the slop which becomes sheet ice, this is not fun. So back to Hemel we go.

Still felt rough on the train, felt like ages to get a cab at Hemel (well it was 8am on a Saturday) but was probably only a 10 minute wait, but by the time I was kitted up and ready to ride I felt better, perhaps it was adrenaline? Riding didn’t turn out bad, turns good, switch didn;t prove impossible, but couldn’t get 180’s to go. Slope conditions where smooth and not overcrowded, lifts stopped a few times perhaps but overall, not a bad session. Have seen a beginner freestyle weekend course advertised there, hrrmmmm interesting, might have to get a short soft springy freestyle board though, think mine is just to stiff to pop for my puny legs. There’s no photo restrictions on the slope at Hemel, unlike MK, so take a few snaps with my little waterproof cam.

Only problem, tiredness, 2 hours really took it out of me, even my appetite is gone, manage a beer and a handful of chips and that’s about it in the bar afterwards. Taxi back to the station just in time for the train and back to London. Pick up copy of Time Out in Euston and tube/bus home, then just crash. Dunno if it was my lack of fitness, the poor nights sleep or the belly ache that was the problem But I suppose with the lack of queues for lifts etc I did get an awful lot of runs in my 2 hours which might of contributed to my fatigue though.

Back in the land of the living by 3, just enough time to do the washing and read Time out. There’s a reason for me mentioning Time Out. On Friday I got a message from Monica, the promoter of the Corset and Diamonds night I go to, saying she had been contacted by Time Out, they wanted some info and photo’s from C&D to use in an article, she sent some along and they picked one of mine to use the magazine So here’s my copy and on page 88 there’s a mention of C&D in an article on “London’s New Lesbian scene”, a pic I took (slightly cropped) at the top right and in very tiny letters down the right hand side of the page, “Helena Love”, woot !

So I’m a magazine published photographer then Actually I don’t think the pic they used is one of the best I’ve done, but I can’t really complain can I.

Laundry done and off to the family. OK it was quite pleasant really, got to make a train track with my nephew and read him a bed night story.

Back home and manage to get the rest of Aion downloaded by 1am, well the open beta was starting Sunday 9th, so give it a go? Turns out it started Sunday 9th and 9am, Pacific time, which was 5pm UK time. So sleep.

Sunday and still didn’t feel great, spot on my chin had turned nasty and generally I looked and felt a bit shit. No Helena today, can’t manage it

Drag myself out the flat at lunch time, eat a sandwich in a bar and go to the pictures. Film was District 9, the new South African Sci-fi film that’s been getting a huge buzz. The director Neill Blomkamp is apparently a former special effects guy, and he certainly know his stuff (I’m sure I’ve seen one of his shorts before) there is a ton of CG in the film but its superbly done, beautifully lit to match the live action. Oh there’s a story and plot to, yeah sorry, geek out over the graphics , shan’t spoil it all, but aliens sort of land in Johannesburg and get resettled in a slum shanty town under there space ship, aliens mostly seem intelligent and almost feral and are segregated and unpopular. There’s quite a big apartheid analogy going on. There’s a resettlement effort to move the aliens to another camp outside town and then every goes off. It ends with rather a lot of shooting and bodies being gibbed. Its rated 15, but its pretty bloody and there’s an awful lot of (very South African) swearing if this offends. But overall its a bit different from the standard Hollywood SF faire, in setting, cast, story and attitude. Definitely worth seeing. The ending and the success its had makes a sequel very likely I think.

Back home, should be able to play Aion now. Can’t first the servers can’t cope with the load, and when I eventually get in, a bug in the security software chucks me out after minutes. This bug seems to be affecting a lot of people, the boards are full of it, but there’s no word from the developers

So not much of a weekend then Promise to do better next one.

Didn’t feel up to work on Tuesday, stayed home, sick, ish… Well I was up to gone 3 the night before finishing off all the photo’s from the Magic Theatre and publishing them on flickr, so basically was just to tired, plus work sucks at the moment. Also had laundry to do, so well I pulled a sicky. Me bad, sorry. Was, I think the only sick day I’ve had for 8 months (and we have people in our office off with swine flu). Flickr went mad with the photo’s, probably the busiest day ever on my stream, glad people liked them.

Friday, day off, had a big plan for this bank holiday weekend, a trip to Berlin, travel in Ian mode but spend a whole day in Berlin as Helena. But I never got around to organising it and to be honest was scared, I don’t have a clue about Berlin, where to go, what to see and my German is limited to a handful of phrases, so basically I just wimped out. Maybe another day if I work up the nerve. So what was I going to do instead, er not a lot. There didn’t seem to be a lot on, there might have been a gig or two I could visit and there was carnival I suppose, but I’ve been before and didn’t really enjoy it, too crowded and just far far too many whistles.

So Friday I just had a slob day in Ian mode, wandering into town to do some geeky shopping and drop my poorly SB600 off to be repaired. Picked up a flash bracket so I can use the flashgun above the lens (but still attached to the camera) in portrait mode as I felt having the two separate is really awkward at the MT. Also got the new Walter John Williams novel, 6 blade razor (it was on offer), 4 DVD’s for a £2 and an expansion pack for Fallout 3. Dropped into the cinema on the way back to see Inglourious Basterds, Tarantino’s latest. Its long, and rather wordy, and every so “slightly” historically inaccurate but I rather enjoyed it, feels like a western in some ways, it’s a stylish as ever and funny in places, with some very good performances (mostly from the supporting cast) but then again most of Tarantino’s films feel like westerns to me.

Back home, phone call from Mum. Daisy had to be put down Daisy dog was their old black Labrador, she had been struggling for the past few months and everyone knew she didn’t have much time left, but she had finally got to the point where she could no longer stand or move She was 14, which for a Labrador, is very old. She was a lovely soppy friendly dog, never hurt a fly and was scared of loud noises. I’ll miss her

Saturday, usual Helena day, but what with the news about Daisy, lack of things to do and a general malaise, I’m not sure my heart was in it. Usual bathe/shave/dress (6 blade razor is comfy, but I’m not sure it gives as close a shave as the 2 or 3 blade ones), with a new shirt dress I got a week or two ago. Added a hat cause it looked windy. Went with a denim mini and thin tights underneath the dress. On reflection this was not a good idea, far too much leg for daylight.

So what to do, I didn’t want to do the West End, Camden, Dalston, Westfield or any of my usual haunts, so where then? Ended up deciding to go to Reading. Why Reading, well because I’d never been there before, I could get there quickly on a fast train and it would have all the shops I wanted to see anyway, so why not. Plus the festival was on, so sort of hoped there would be a few more alternative types around town that would make me less visible.

Out the house and walk to the tube (which is actually running this weekend), as I walk though the park, hear “Hello Mate” behind me, OMFG I’ve been clocked already, locally too but actually no, was just some bloke on his mobile discussing building work, he didn’t even look my way.

On the tube, sat next to a GG who was virtually my height and was also wearing a shirt dress, so perhaps I don’t stand out that much? Paddington, just enough time to get my ticket and get on the train, expected it to be packed, well it was pretty full, but got a seat and it all ran on time.

Reading, had checked the web before and had drawn a little map of the shopping areas and such, which actually proved unnecessary, all the shops are virtually next to the station. As I leave the station, there’s a bunch of “Geezers” touting festival tickets. I don’t like geezer types, there even (just) below Chavs and Gangstas IMHO, they are usually ugly, rude, aggressive, dishonest and full of themselves for no adequately explained reason, but mostly because I always tend to get abuse from them. And true to form I did here. As I pass (not to close, not looking at them) there’s a shout directed my way “Hello Doug” “Still working at the docks Doug” in a mocking tone voice, hilarious, to them. I don’t give them the satisfaction of showing a visible reaction and keep walking. Few seconds later as I walk away comes “Tranny!” in a more aggressive manor. I keep walking.

I didn’t show reaction, but it hurt a bit, and made me more self conscious, felt I was being noticed and watched, felt uncomfortable, Reading not a good idea. It was probably the amount of leg on display that got me noticed initially, siad it was a bad idea didn’t I.

But I was here and it was lunch time, checked a few bars, just chains, All Bar One, Revolution, Slug and Lettuce, normally reasonable places, but they where all rather full and I didn’t like the look of most of the male customers. Was probably still down on confidence.

But I was here so I might as well tour the shops, down the road, via a little arcade (not very interesting) to the main shopping street, Broad Street or something, I turned right and continued down the pedestrianised bit, stopping in a few places, H&M, Next, Evans etc but found nothing of interest. At the end of the street was a Mall (like my little map said), could see there was New Look and TK Max, so in we go.

This appeared to be the more downmarket end of the shopping area (a bit er “Chavy” ?), that didn’t help the confidence, stayed out of peoples way and didn’t try to attract attention as I went around the shops. Still nothing grabs, wish I could find the silver sequined shoes in New Look in a 9 wide.

Out, around past the market, past a few more bars that could do for lunch, but no, and down the main street again, looping around a few more places and back to Primark (which I missed on the first pass). Spot quite a few people who must be festival goers, especially the girls, sure the vest/tee shirt with denim shorts/minis was a common look, but it was the wellies they all seemed to sport was the giveaway. Guess the festival site had got a bit muddy.

Back down the main street, stop in BHS, looking for a particular grey sweater I saw in the Watford branch, they don’t have it (neither did the Oxford street one). Carry to the other Mall. The other mall, the Oracle or something looks a little nicer, but seems to have most of the same shops, but I do wander into another H&M on the off chance. Oh they look nice, little lycra or jersey or something stretchy minis, cheap too, pick up a grey and a red one, maybe a bit to thin and tight to wear on there own (well in public anyway), but could be own over leggings etc. Pay move on, but what’s that? Hrrmm gold You see there’s this Angels meet up at the Pink Punters BNO night in October, and its been suggested we go with a theme and the theme is gold, I did have some gold leggings, but wasn’t sure about them, but there’s this dark gold oversized top I missed earlier, think that would work, worn off the shoulder with a belt and wet look skirt or leggings and lots of black bling. So back to the till with that. Experiments with the top and various skirts and accessories on Monday proved it very successful, we have a winner.

Right on a roll, into another New Look branch next door. Nope no silver sequin shoes in size 9 wide, but there’s a nice pair in plain silver, and New Look 9 wides fit so well it would be shame not to get them, so I did. Sales girl is very polite and smiley.

Its gone lunch now, and I’d read this mall has an outdoor bit with restaurants and bars. And it does and the canal runs right through it which is unusual, but there’s nothing I fancy among the food places, take a few snaps and move on.

Around a few more streets and a little, rather empty shopping arcade called The Walk I end up back near the main shops, and that looks promising. A bar called Muse is opposite, quite large, sofa’s, nicely decorated, reasonable food menu and mostly empty, that will do. Glass of wine, an unusual, but not at all unpleasant veggie “burger” and a couple of chapters of my book helps restore my spirits. Bar staff (student girls) are friendly and helpful, guess they didn’t have a lot to do

Ok that’s enough Reading, I’ve been there now, and to be honest haven’t got a reason to return, its nothing special, perhaps even slightly rougher than I expected, yes it was a change but was it worth it ?

Back to the station, via a slightly different route to avoid the touts (rhymes with louts doesn’t it), have to wait a bit for the train, so it’s a bit of railway station spotting whilst I wait.

Back to Paddington. Hey I didn’t know you could get to Cardiff in 2 hours, maybe I should go one day (could go and see Torchwood :)), never been to Wales?

So what now, its only mid afternoon, the weather is pleasant, my feet don’t hurt and I’m not completely shopped out, so Bayswater? Hadn’t been to Whiteleys in a while and seemed to remember they had a few less common shops, so head west, wasn’t sure of the exact route, but found it easily enough.

It looks like they have finished the refurb, there’s some sort of upmarket supermarket spread over the ground floor, but a lot of the shop units are still empty. Visit a handful of the ones till trading, but no nothing I need (want).

Must of done enough shopping by now, so head back down Queensway, past the Tourist shops and the Chinese Restaurants to the main road, bus/tube home? Bus, there’s one going the right way.

Bus runs into near grid lock near Oxford street, so just get out and walk. Well since I’m at street level one or two more shops perhaps? Well if I must, but again there’s not a lot new.

As a pass a couple of the pavement, the boy asks the girl “Is that a transvestite”. I walk on before hearing her answer. Noticed on Oxford Street, sigh, not been a good day has it.

Get to Oxford Circus and jump on the rather warm tube home, stopping at the shop for some wine. Snap a couple of photo’s when I get in.

Then it shoes off, wine open, DVD on, sleep. Not a great one that.

Sunday, decide to alternate boy/girl so its back to Ian, but don’t do much, sort out the photo’s, pop out, eat a sarnie and finish my book (EVE The Empyrean Age, a sprawling space opera based in the EVE MMORPG universe, not great, esp if you are not really into that game, like me) then back home and just play Fallout 3. The dull weekend continues.

Monday, bank holidays are a good idea in theory, but often end up like having 2 quiet Sundays in a row, which if you are single and lonely, not great. Not sure if I want to dress, but just sort of do it anyway, face doesn’t look great after shaving. Choosing an outfit takes forever and I’m not sure it worked, pink punky fish tee, New Look jackets, grey leggings and one of those skirts I bought on Saturday. Tried minimal makeup (as I realise I’m virtually out of the transparent powder I use to set the Studio tech) , full coverage and coral paint stick on the muzzle, then power, Studio Fix and Select, eye’s just a little eye liner and mascara and unlined lips in MAC Twig lippy, which is the nearest one I have to my natural tone.

Leave photo’s for later, got up late and took so long figuring out the outfit its nearly 12 before I leave the house. Don’t even pack a camera, big cam is to big and little cam’s battery is flat. Its sunny, but windy out, and the wind is a little cold, have I underdressed, forecast said it would get warm later though.

Bus to town, the lack of powder gives me something to do, go to MAC. But lunch first, have a hankering for Salmon Teriyaki. Off the bus at Cambridge circus and start to cross Soho. Oh there’s a Japanese place I haven’t tried before, Bincho, seems to be a Yakitori (grilled meat on sticks) place but there’s stuff on the menu I can eat, no Salmon Teriyaki though. Right this will do, place is empty, so waitress says sit anywhere you like, by the bar is to hot (they have an open kitchen with a charcoal grill), so get a table towards the back. The waitress gives me a menu and a card with weekday lunch menu on it and on the top of that, Salmon Teriyaki Don And its one of the best examples of that dish I’ve ever had. That plus a glass of nice wine and finding me new book (That new Walter John Williams one “This is not a game”) is rather good and my spirits are lifted a bit. Sun is shinning too.

Right off to MAC, the powder I had came from their Pro range so I could only get it in Soho, but the assistant shows me some new stuff, even finer than the stuff I had, so I go with that.

Right, what next, book was good, want to continue it, but hey there’s Miss 60, OK I’ll have a look. Didn’t really want to go shopping again, but I sort of ended up doing it, Miss 60 as I said, H&M, the Apple Store (just to use their Wifi) Top Shop, Miss Selfridge etc, basically the other half of Oxford street I didn’t do Saturday. But only end up getting a DVD in HMV.

So where am I going to read my book I think as I drift into Soho again, Revolution, might be OK if it’s quiet. It is quiet and rather pleasant really, they have free Wifi, air con, the house Rosé is good, comfy seats and a friendly barman. Kick off my shoes and stay for a 2nd glass.

That’s it really, just get a bus or two home, T-dar pings a maybe on the bus (dressing too young and to much makeup (look whos talking), but nah, she wasn’t) .

Home, well lets take a picture then

Framing was off, hair too high and I need to try and sort out the backdrop so it looks smoother. Spend some time trying on outfits and just have an extended tranny moment strutting around my flat in very short skirt and very high heels. Then it’s the bath, Helena has to be cleaned off ready for work tomorrow.

Monday, it feels autumnal, like the weather knows its September. So that’s it, an over long, rather dull, lonely and partly unsuccessful wasted weekend. Life just trickling on by. Plus I drank far to much.

Next week and Saturday will be a bust, have to meet the family.