Went for a couple of eye tests during the week, first was conventional, find I still have two eye’s and they work pretty much the same as they did the last time I had a test, but the 2nd test was for contact lenses. Said I would do this earlier in the year, gave the excuse it was for snowboarding, they would make sense under goggles, but really it’s for vanity and Helena time. Initial tests went OK, I do have a stigmatism in both eye’s so require slightly more complex and expensive lenses, but it’s not a big problem and I can still get daily disposables. No after the nice optician placed them on my eye balls, then it all went wrong.

You see I have a phobia about medical procedures, mostly about blood, needles, operations etc especially around the eyes, if I see or even here people talking about stuff like this I can go light headed, get hot flushes and feel faint, in some cases (not recently mind) have completely fainted. I’ve even felt ill in films where there are realistic medical procedures like transfusions etc. The odd thing is that gore doesn’t affect me, gun shots, knives wounds, decapitations etc in a film, no affect, it’s just if it is realistic and medical. No I don’t get it. Like I said I’m squeamish about eyes to, but I’ve figured I’d been putting on eye makeup weekly for the last 2 years, and I do the inside of my lids in Kohl quite often, even get flecks of eyeshadow on my eyeballs every now and then, all no bother, so I thought I could handle contacts now.

I couldn’t, as she (the optician) did some more eye tests; I went pale, got flushes and started feeling very bad. Had to lean over, head between knees to get blood back to my head and the optician got me some water to sip. I got a little better, but couldn’t proceed with the tests and I had to take them out th lenses myself, which didn’t help. Needless to say I didn’t buy any, even though my eye technically could cope with them. Perhaps it would be better if I put them on myself (as if I cut myself with razors or poke my self in the eye with eyeliner doesn’t seem to affect me)? Dunno, I may be back to try again (the optician said to try), but not this week. Total wimp aren’t I.

Wednesday, duck out of work early, my big camera lens had come back from Sigma, all repaired and I had to dash to the shop to pick it up. Lens does seem fixed, no more focus problems, but did a few tests with new cam, tis a bit soft under f5, which for a constant f2.8 lens ain’t that useful. Also picked up the new Charles Stross Family Trade novel and an 8gb compact flash card. Got home and washed my fancy pants (and they are fancy, they cames from What Katie Did).

Thursday, work from home, actually do some work, but also dash out to a local Salon, twice, first to book, second time (late lunch break) for the Wax. Ouch, just the back done cause I can’t reach it with a razor and well this weekend it might be seen and its not normally very pretty. Girl doing the waxing says I’m the most ticklish person she has ever back waxed, as I jumped a little every time she applied the stuff. I think it’s probably because the stuff was quite warm and also I’m just not used to being touched. Raised pint of liquid pain killer to St George afterwards in the pub opposite, it was downed very quickly afterwards. Ouch. Felt strange and jumpy/edgy going home.

Friday, day off, the sun is shinning and I have a mission. Change into something comfortable, black polo, black cropped leggings, white skirt, tan jacket and black flats. Did originally plan to go with tan boots (I was copying a look I saw a GG work really well a few weeks ago), but figured I would need the comfort of the flats, and cropped leggings and ballet flats work if you ask me. White skirt is a little too baggy, it was a very generous 14 from Peacock. A practical, comfortable and anonymous look, though I popped a seam on the first black top I put on, what a fat bastard am I am No time for a fancy shoot, and the outfit was plain anyway, so just one shot on the stairs.

Pack fully charged big cam with the newly repaired lens, the 4gb and new 8gb CF cards and its off to Camden before 11. Oh there again, well my mission was due to start at 1:15 so had some time to kill and needed a couple of bits and pieces to finish off the outfit for Saturday anyway. Picked up a black and red Venetian style mask and some seamed stockings, Saturday’s night out was Corset & Diamonds and the theme was “Eyes Wide Shut” (that Stanley Kubrick film with Nicole Kidman/Tom Cruise) and masks where down on the dress code. Planned to wear the mask with my Helena Page outfit (well underwear) and needed new stockings to go with. Find stockings tend to be one use only items with clumsy me. After I find the right the stockings (black Leg Avenue ones with a little bow on the heel) saw them in another shop a pound cheaper, oh well, I’ll survive the financial hard ship.

Time was getting on, tube to Liverpool Street and wander over to Spitalfields market. The main event for the day was the London Alternative Fashion week, it had been running here since Monday and today was the last day. I’ve been here the last 2 years running, its fun really, free and its not everyday you get to attend at catwalk show, plus I get to be able to photograph models in couture and don’t need a press pass. Was there an hour early, took a few shots to test, decided on no flash, F5.6, 1/200 shutter (they walk quick those models) and let the auto ISO handle the exposure.

All the good places at the end of the catwalk where already colonised by press photogs, an hour before the show was meant to start, not a good sign. I couldn’t face standing around for a hour trying to get a place by the edge, do decided to get lunch and try my luck for a spot later.

Walk all around the market looking for somewhere I fancied for lunch, there’s lots of choice but nothing grabbed, ended back near the catwalk at a branch of Giraffe, and had a Salmon and Sushi rice salad and a glass of white. I’ve decided the waiters called me ma’am not man, but they wheren’t totally clear, but waiters never call you man, even in male mode do they? Food, OK, but I’ve had better sushi salad, needed a bit more of soy saltyness, vinegary tang and wasabi heat.

Back to the show, I’m still 20 minutes early but there’s quite a big crowd, manage to manoeuvre myself around so I can get a clear shot of the catwalk, from the side, so I just hope the models turn this way. Even though its crowded, “alternative” and I’m dressed down, I do get the odd look, maybe even the odd camera (there are 100’s about though) is pointed my way, but apart from that no issues. But as the show begins all eye’s (and cameras) turn to the catwalk anyway

As I shoot some people move around, and a girl with big hair gets in front of me, she’s not a pro or press, just snapping with a superzoom compact and there’s even a empty seat she could sit in, but she still just stands there obscuring my shot of the end of the catwalk So as you can see, most of the pics from the later collections are of the models are they walk up the runway. Filled up the entire 4gb card and a bit of the 8gb one (it’s a cheep slow one) with shots even with that.

I count 12 collections, though the program said there was 14, and I didn’t take notes, so I can’t put names against them all, but I do think I recall seeing Waltham Forest College (The LBDs), Chelsea College of art and design (the last rather wild collection) and Sahhara (The swimwear)

Some of the collections are just Avante-garde, creative and fun but totally unwearable in the real world, but a few, hey I would wear that. I do find fashion shows fun and exciting, plus they can be a challenge to shoot. Arms was aching from holding the heavy big camera and lens by the end though, and since I was standing all the way through, was glad of the flats.

As the finale started I went around the back to get more shots of the models off the catwalk.

That swimwear collection is called Goddess, and was by a designer called Sahhara (yes 2 h’s). Do you notice something abut some of the models? Yes my T-dar is pinging too, though I’m pretty sure only half of them where TG. One of them gave me a knowing little smile as well. Googling later I find Sahhara is actually a Drag Queen as well as a designer. Not sure if everyone got that though and the models certainly where popular with the photographers.

Well that’s alternative fashion week over again for another year, what to do next? Well I need to get home to sort out the pics, but the sun is shinning and its only around 3, lets get a drink first and look at a shop or two now I’m in the fashion mood.

Wander slightly indirectly towards Moorgate, but the way the sun is glinting off the glass buildings demands more photo’s

Past Finsbury circus, stop at a cash machine and then pop into an All Bar One for a cool glass of wine, a packet of crisps and another chapter of the book. Feeling quiet relaxed after that, quick pit stop and decided to pop into that big branch of New Look down the road. Out on the street, relaxed and warm in the sunshine is really pleasant, got that comforting “I’m no longer dressed, I’m just am me and its right” feeling. It’s nice. Really to get this feeling all I need is to be relaxed, comfortable and not being commented on or noticed much (though sunshine and wine help a lot too). Its possibly one of the biggest pleasures of going out dressed.

As I feel so good I pop into Hotel Chocolate for a few choccies. Staff are smiley and offer a free sample. Pick up a little packet of boozy ones.

New look, just a browse, but hey they have this great dress I saw in the week earlier in the Tall collection, pink and strapless its not normally something I would consider, but on the mannequin it was shown over a long sleeved dark grey/black slash neck top and cropped leggings, suddenly making it far more wearable for me. Get it, in 14 just in case. Also get an oversize grey print tee/dress and a purple belt. Figure I would like the top I saw on the mannequin to go with it but can’t fins it and there’s also this black denim mini and pink stretchy mini (which one of the cute sales assistants was rocking) I saw and wanted, but alas they didn’t have any 14s (or 12s even) left . Well this isn’t they only branch of New Look is it.

Walk to St Pauls and tube it to Holborn. This was actually the branch I first saw the dress. They do have the top (sales assistant guy has to help me find it though) so I get it, but neither the pink or black mini well it is a very small branch. But its still not the only one, so off again we trot, up to the Brunswick, to that branch. But nope, no skirts I want there either T-GPS tells me the next nearest big branch is the other end of Oxford Street, too far, wait till another day for those skirts I guess.

Wander around a couple of shops, but it’s really time to get home isn’t it. But I need some food for dinner and some sugar free sweets. Was particular about those sweets, they where for Saturday, I had reasons. Normally chemist are the best place to get the, Boots Diabetic range in particular, but all the little branches of boots I’d stopped at along the way didn’t have the right ones, perhaps they don’t do them anymore. So think think, big branch of Boots might, where’s one nearby, think, think, ah St Pancras. Another trot.

Even in flats (OK they have a 1″ block heel, but that doesn’t count) my feet where complaining by now, get a little bit of rubbing going on near the left big toe. That branch of Boots doesn’t have what I want either, but pick up some low calorie snacks, decide to just have them for dinner. Head back home, walking still, well I need the exercise, sod the foot, up to Angel, via Superdrug, nope no sweets I like. Foot doesn’t like being sodded, and complains loudly now, there’s a red mark there too, oh well, jump on the bus home.

Home, shoes off, oww, there’s a little blister on my foot Try on dress, ARRGGG!!! It doesn’t fit, I can’t get it done up, waist is OK, but it’s my chest it won’t go around. Guess its meant to be tight around there as its strapless and its not made out of stretchy material, but a 14 not fitting my chest, Sob Grey top does fit though, mope around the flat in that for the rest of the evening sorting out the pictures.

Saturday, another sunny day, lie in a bit and then er not get changed. Well the only thing planned for the day was Corset and Diamonds in the evening and since I’d done the full tranny grade shave yesterday I decided to put off changing till later to let my face heel a bit more. Sort out photo’s from Friday and figure out what to do.

Still wanted those sweets, you see certain brands of sugar free sweets have a warning on the packet that goes something like “may have a mild laxative affect if excess is consumed” (probably have mentioned this before haven’t I). Well if I eat a packet of these there’s no “may” in it, and although this is not really a good thing to do (but hey its just a packet of sweets isn’t it?), it does help get rid of any bloating etc I might have, which is good if you want to wear a corset all night. Better go out and find some of that. Plus I’d used the last of my Clarin’s Skin Difference lotion that makes shaving easier, so need some more of that. Plus again, the exercise won’t kill me.

Wander through Islington, first is Rymans for a little stapler. You see that mask I got had a sort of hair band thing to hold it on, but it didn’t work over my big head, wig and glasses, so wanted to replace it, found a ribbon amongst my bits and bobs I could use to tie it around my head but needed to attach it some how and staples proved the easiest method. Back to those sweets, ah yes of course, Holland and Barrett, yes they do have them, didn’t need a chemist after all. But I did need one for Skin Difference and Islington Boots is too small for a Clarins concession, so where? St Pancras again! They have it, phew. Guy on the Clarin’s counter is helpful and offers me some free samples as well. But after a look around he can’t actually find any samples for male products. “If you have female ones, I know someone who would like them” I say, ah he has some of them and puts them in my bag That someone who would like them was of course Helena. Pick up a little salad for dinner too (watching what I eat today) and the worlds cheapest electric razor, figure that would be easier than a wet shave for body hair. Walk back home, via off license. Was getting nervous about going out in that Helena Page outfit, it was far to skimpy, so figured a little liquid courage would help. Eat the sweets going home, they take a couple of hours to work.

Lazing in the afternoon back in the flat, didn’t have to get ready even then, but let’s sort out the outfit. Try on the Bra. Oh, Oh dear, I can get it on, it’s a 36b, but its not stretchy, it’s a What Katie did Faux Retro made out of period synthetic materials and it really pulls in the flab , giving me huge bingo wings Oh gawd I look terrible, bra also sits too high to go with the corset. Arrgg this outfit was OK last year, why did I eat all the pies

I can’t go out like that, no way, no way at all. Sob. What to do, what to do, I really need to start getting ready soon too, its 3:15. Formulate plan, where something else? No not got anything suitable but let’s check, yes these bra’s do come in bigger sizes, I just need to get to the shop. What Katie Did is in Portabello, it will take, about an hour and half to get their, get a bigger bra and get back, if I go now, I will still just have enough time to change. So out I go. Some running is involved, get off at Royal Oak, hazy memory leads me to the market, get out of my way F**king slow people (I think, but don’t actually say) into the little shopping arcade under the west way and into the shop. They have 38’s, no 40’s is that big enough? And what about the suspenders and pants? In the end get a 38D and size 14 pants and suspender belt. Not cheap, but I’m obsessed, I have to get it right, hang the cost. Girl in shop informs me Ladbrook Grove tube is much nearer, argg, could of saved myself 10 minutes. Oh shit (literally) I’d eaten those sweets, it gets a little uncomfortable, but at least there are no accidents. This is too much information.

Back towards home on the tube, is 38 big enough, is it? Not sure, can’t make another mistake, more racking of brains, ahh bra extenders, little things that make the strap bigger, I’ll get one of them, just in case, but where from. M&S is the undies king, and there’s on at St Pancras where I have to change tube anyway. Oh there again! Third time in 2 days. Before I get to M&S though there’s La Senza, remember they have a lot of bra accessories and bits, bit of a frantic search though a display and yes, 2 hook black bra extender, perfect. Must of looked a right nutter in Ian mode doing all this, also am sure girl in What Katie Did twigged it was all for me, but I guess that shops no stranger to the transgendered. Back home, it’s gone 5, lets get ready.

Bathe and extensive defuzz, everywhere that could be visible. Takes too long, OMFG it gone 7, makeup, which doesn’t go on right, takes a few attempts and then not great, some body make up is required too, dress, new bra does fit, with one notch on the extender there’s no bingo wings at all and it hangs low enough to work with the corset. Takes a bit to fill though and my forms aren’t bullet shaped, takes a pair for forms and some chicken fillets to fill, but its not that secure. Wig on, still don’t think black suits me, sort out camera, rush around, get accessories, find shoes, pack bags, find outfit to travel in (wear my flats, long skirt, a shrug and a big coat) and am finally ready to go, past half 9. I should have been there by now and there’s no time for photo’s. Not sure I want a photo either, not sure I even want to go out like this, but no I have to, I went to all that effort, got the ticket, I am going out, to hell with it.

Bus doesn’t take to long to come, and makes reasonable progress, plenty of people on it at this time of night too, even looking as stupid as I do no one says a word or even looks, phew. Off at Rosebury avenue and walk quickly to the club, have to queue a little to get in, but finnally I’ve made it. Looks busy. Go down stairs to change. Off with coat and shrug, on with shoes, gloves and bling. So I’m here, long black wig, collar with diamante padlock dangling from it, black D cup bullet bra, black corset I can’t do up fully, black old fashioned 6 strap deep suspender belt, big retro knickers (with a 2nd pair of magic pants underneath to make absolutely sure everything nasty stays well out of sight), black opera gloves, seamed stockings and 6″ platform shoes I can barely walk in. Under ideal photographic conditions, less fat, good makeup, careful lighting and a little touch afterwards up this picture can look OK, on a PC monitor. Live, in a club, it must of looked absolutely ridiculous . I know this because there where pictures, pictures I deleted afterwards (the only mirror in the place is in the ladies). This must be the first night out I’ve done where there are no pictures of me. This is a good thing, trust me. I’m just glad everyone was nice and suppressed the urge to laugh. Why exactly did I choose to wear this in the first place?

Totter up the stairs, get a drink, the entertainment hasn’t started yet, made it in time. There’s Olga, who’s skimpy outfit works a lot better than mine, say hello. Spot a few more familiar faces, introduce Olga to Phillippa and Penny, Anthea finds us, spot Elena a Belgium girl who had messaged me on Angels, and Louise and Saffy turn up later (they had gone to see Priscilla Queen of the Desert beforehand) to make up the TG MtF contingent (I think). Glad a few turned up, it would of been horrible for someone just to be stuck with me all night. Do spot a couple of others I know of two, Monica and Katy who run/compare it, they didn’t recognise me at first, had to lift the mask up. Ditched the mask after a while, it was uncomfortable worn over glasses and it got them dirty. Boobs kept slipping to and poking out of the bra just making me look even sillier.

Do my usual, wander around the room, make a couple of feeble attempts at small talk, but mostly drink a bit to much, make a the odd social faux-pas (sorry Jake :() and take photos.

Disappointed in the pics, not that sharp and a lot feel cold with dull lighting, was using the popup flash and high ISO to try an get more club lighting, unsuccessfully most of the time. Best one of the night was of this particular girl in a fantastic outfit, loved the bustle and the red light in the background provide great contrast.

Mostly avoided other peoples cameras myself though. We also had some entertainment, burlesque from Miss Kitten Von Strumpet, Mademoiselle Katerina, World Mistress, Frivolitease and Effie Vescent (I think). All really well done, well er apart from one, which to be honest didn’t seem to put as much effort into it, you can guess which one that is from the number of pictures taken. As well has the burlesque we had a last minute addition of a American magician Paul Nathan who was a good entertainer and a rather odd performance from Miss Katy the compare and here friends, funny, but not as much as it should have been perhaps, but there was high degree of nudity

There was also cup cakes as this was Corset & Diamonds first birthday, they where nice, but I only had a little one, thinking about the weight you see. I don’t think I was the only one who resisted temptation with the cakes, what with half the people there in corsets.

After the entertainment, most people drifted downstairs for the dancing (and weirdly enough the pool tables). As I went down the stairs (3 glasses of Rose, 1 Raspberry Caipirinha at the venue, half a bottle of wine and beer during the day before, in 6″ stilettos) I slipped, lost my footing and did a sort of ungraceful slow fall on to my arse, trying desperately not to smash my camera. My camera survived, my dignity did not. There was another person on the stairs at the time, the magician Paul Nathan, he was a gentleman and helped me get back up and not smash the camera, thank you sir.

Spent most of the rest of the night downstairs, danced a little with the other T-girls (no GG wanted to dance with me :(), but those shoes where getting more and more painful. Changed back into my flats about half one and eventually called it a night around 1:50. Hope the rest of you had a good time, it looked like you did. Sorry I was such an embarrassment

Changed back into my travelling clothes and walked back to Rosebury avenue, getting chips from the Kebab shop and a quick taxi home from the cab office. Driver called me “Darling”, but it was very dark in the cab. My face was anything but “Darling” by the time I was home and ready to take it off. Stocking where laddered and holed too, said they where one use.

Not a great night really, I find it hard to relax and have fun if my outfit is uncomfortable and I look (more) embarrassing (than usual), but then I get these idea’s in my head and have to follow them through, when common sense (that rare commodity) should of made quit. Still we learn by our mistakes, I hope, or do I just learn new mistakes to make.

There’s no more Corset & Diamonds nights on the Calendar, but Monica did say there was a possibility of one in June, perhaps with a Pirates of the Caribbean theme, but nothing was definite. Guess it gives me plenty of time to work out new ways to make a fool of myself.

Next week, back to geekyness over the bank holiday weekend with the London Sci Fi Film festival. There’s absolutely no way on Earth (or Mars) I’m wearing my Princess Leia outfit for that one though.

Work, very quiet, in fact I have virtually nothing to do, but hey after the Easter weekend, I needed a rest anyway. But by Wednesday I was back in Helena mode, again. Various posts around the place seemed to indicate quite a crowd was going down to Lola in Soho on Wednesday, so with work being so slack (in fact half my team where “working” from home that day) I ducked out of work a little early, dashed back home and changed.

Shaving was, after so much recently, and no prep with a bath and skin difference, a complete blood bath, YUK!. Makeup didn’t go on very well and clothes, well, nothing special, purple top and leather jacket like the trip to Lemon Squeeze, was planning to wear jeans, keep it simple and all, but decided at the last minute to go with a skirt. After going though loads of my skirts, the tiny little denim ones don’t really fit any more, sob, I can get them on, but now they sit right on my waist, and that puts them into knicker flashing territory not right. Went with a black leather ish one that was fairly baggy and black worked, but wimped out of that one as well, to much for a Wednesday. That left that black denim one I wore to Code it sits low enough to be decent, but it still missing the button (It popped off due to my fatness :(). Out with the needle and thread then.

Dressed and ready by 8ish, so out and on a bus to Soho. Aimed to get there for 9, but the bus got a move on and I got to Soho a little early.

Down the street from Cambridge Circus, find a place, think that’s it, but there’s no sign, but T-dar pings as couple of rather tall girls get out a Taxi opposite, must be the place then. It’s in the down stairs bar, yep this looks like it, quite a few T-girls here already, but not exclusively TG, its not packed, but it ain’t deserted either. Get a glass of wine and recognise Olga from the Angels meals, and she introduces me to her friends (before moving off to talk to other people). Rest of the night, well, just talking, mostly to Tiffany and Jade, Olga’s friend’s, then a few people I recognised from Roses turned up, Claire Tall, Sarah T, Laura Handbag, Chrissie and Jenny Jackson. Did turn out to be quite a big night, managed to talk to quite a few people, most where friendly, though a couple of Divas weren’t so talkative. Laura had even brought a celeb friend along, Grayson Perry, the famous Turner prize winning potter and well known TV. Drank a few more glasses of wine, and a Cosmo, wine good, Cosmopolitan, although the Barmaid put quite a bit of effort into it, wasn’t the best. Probably stayed a little longer and drank a bit more than I should for a Wednesday, but that the sign of a good night out isn’t it. Thanks to every one for talking to me. Camera came out, Laura was doing her pro photog bit, I tagged along talking a few snaps, was determined not to use the flash, to capture the atmosphere, but the club was very dimly lit and even the D700 struggled a bit.

It’s a nice place, good décor, non intrusive music, reasonable mix of people, good drinks at reasonable (for Soho) prices. Think it works as a place simply to chat, most TG clubs get this wrong and emphasize cabaret, loud music and flashing lights, whereas I think most people would rather sit around and natter in a safe and pleasant environment and Lola’s provides that. For a new TG club it appears to be doing well, it was certainly busy, much busier than the regular bar on the ground floor.

I’ll go back, but it won’t be that often, Wednesday that’s the problem. Thursday morning I overslept and had a little hangover, got into work late, can’t do that every week. Glad things are so slack at the moment.

Weekend, right determined to keep it simple, just a wander, no clubs, no shopping, just some fresh air and exercise. Like I could keep to that plan. After some rest days and a proper prep the face cleans up much more easily and makeup, not great, but not the worst I’ve done. Clothes, jeans, brown top, white jacket (found the furry trim can be removed) soft boots - comfortable, plain, mismatched and anonymous. Feminine? Mostly I think, could be considered a bit androgynous though. No real pic, time was getting on and the outfit wasn’t worth the effort.

Out into the sunshine, where to go, well plan is for a walk in the fresh air, so hrrmm, Clissold Park, not far and it’s a nice bit of green space.

Have big cam with me. Have to be careful with it though, lots of kids around in the park, I certainly don’t want to take pictures of them, just the scenery and wild life, but with the level of peodohisteria around, I didn’t want to be accused of something I didn’t do and me being a T-girl wouldn’t help my defence as I’m not “normal”. Camera is fairly discrete, I only have a little lens on it and I put it away after each shot though. All goes well, barely get a 2nd glance, guess I look anonymous enough.

They have a few animals and birds in enclosures, try to get pictures of them, but the cages have lots of bars and the lens is too wide to poke through the narrow mesh.

The walk in the park is pleasant, but its lunch time now, so I continue down my walk down Stoke Newington’s pleasant Church street where I know there are several nice pubs, restaurants and cafes. I rather like Church street, cool, but relaxed and a little off the map. Have a browse though a couple of the vintage clothing shops, some nice stuff actually, nearly bought one dress. Nearly.

Visit the farmers market, well mainly to grab free samples like a tart, but there’s this cheese stall and the Caerphilly cheese is just to die for, so I had to have some, that and some nice bread is dinner sorted.

Looking for lunch I end up at a gastro pub at the end of the road called the Three Crowns. Looks nice, large airy, menu was interesting, gastro rather than regular pub grub and priced a bit higher to match. Settle on a comfy sofa at the back, smiley friendly barmaid brings me a large glass of Pinot Gringo and a Goats Cheese tart with Rocket salad. That, plus the latest Neil Asher novel and it’s a lovely relaxed lunch. Nice pub, but the diet isn’t going well is it.

Next, well, I wasn’t going to go shopping, but well I figured I could do with a couple of size 14 skirts to over my fat arse, so decided to wander down Stoke Newington Road to the shops and market at Dalston.

Had eaten but stop at the nice food shop/café opposite the pub, Lemon Monkey or something, just for a look see, oooh Roquefort I love that cheese, get a little. Gawd this is turning very cheesy (but then again this blog is always cheesy .

Stop in a little indie clothing shop, some cheep clubby clothes and interesting hosiery, but hey they have that! Pick up a sheer body, the type I used in my Leather Goddess of Phobos pics, very hard to find these and they ladder so easily, what a turn up

Turning out to be a good day, continue my wander through Stokie, barely getting a 2nd glance, suppose cause I’m dressed down and its such a diverse area anyway.

Find a shoe shop, advertising large sizes, hrmm, OK, but no sale, nothing perfect, but Its nice to know there’s one local. But do get some Wasabi peas at a Chinese groccers.

Wandering around the little shopping centre at Dalston, find a couple of suitable size 14 Minis in Dotty P and Newlook. but they are a bit more than I wanted to pay for, but I am a tight arse, and if I can every get on the diet properly, hopefully in a few months, a slightly smaller arse. Little indy shop is interesting, very much club wear and its not for the shy, there’s stuff in there I wouldn’t (or couldn’t) even wear. Those shinny stretchy leggings with seams and belt loops to look like jeans are interesting as are those oversize tops (with the logo “Everyone needs a hug”), but no sale today.

Continue through the stores, ah Matalan and I have my card with me for a change, they are bound to have some denim mini’s. Cept they don’t none at all, odd I though they where a staple. But they do have shoes, wide fittings now too. Some rather OTT shinny black strappy sandals catch my eye, 5″ heel, 1″ platform, multiple ankle straps, almost bordering on fetish. But the largest size is 7 wide, dam, but I try them anyway, and to my surprise I can get in them, they are not agony either (they probably would be after an hour though). Trying them on is hard though, there is only one little 2 person bench to sit on, one size is occupied by a young woman trying on shoes, the other side is what looks like her mum just sitting there. Didn’t have enough courage to ask her to move and struggle trying them on standing up. Decide to get the shoes, they where only £16 and I don’t actually have that many pairs of going out shoes. Get a belt to match too.

Little tour of the market and the big new Afro hair and cosmetics shop as these always have lots of wigs in them, find no minis or wigs that I need, but hey, remember Peacocks, on the other side of the road. Yep they do have a suitable skirts, cheapish too, get white and blue denim ones, wanted a black one as well but none are in to be seen. I think that’s a successfully shopping trip, even though I didn’t plan on going shopping. Time to head home.

As I’m mulling the lack of reaction I’m getting and assuming its probably cause I appear unassuming and andro, I stopped in a little shop off Newington Green to get a can of Lemonade (thirsty work this tranny lark) and the elderly Asian shop keeper calls me Darling as he hands me my change. Oh guess it’s not that andro then

Walk back home, find a new route that’s a bit faster and stop off at the local shops for bread and wine to go with all that cheese. Bread, wine and cheese, some of the good things in life Been on my feet for hours, but it was in comfy soft boots so little pain and its nice to get about locally on foot without having to be on trains busses and tubes anyway. Rather pleasant day that, was feeling kinda good about it all, Helena time is good time.

Right about I expected to be putting my feet up and watching a DVD, as I said I wasn’t going out didn’t I. Well I wasn’t, well until I passed a certain doorway on Stoke Newington Road that afternoon. The doorway is fairly unassuming, but today it had a poster on it. The poster was for the Gypsy Hotel, that alternative music/cabaret night I had planned to go to ages ago but never made iit and the doorway actually led down to Bardens Boudoir. Well it said it was on tonight, and the Vivid Angel was on the bill, I’d seen her perform Burlesque at the Magic Theatre a couple of times. Well I wasn’t tired, didn’t have anything better to do (OK I was technically on support but due to a change at work the chance of me being called the evening was basically nil) so why not What to wear then? Oh lets go trashy, I’m sure that will suit the Gypsy Hotel’s “Bourbon Soaked Snake Charming Rock’n'Roll Cabaret”, Added extra slap and changed into a Blondie tee shirt, lots of bling, leather jacket, pink patterned tights, that leather skirt I wimped out of wearing on Wednesday and my most comfortable pair of heeled leather black boots. Well I knew I would have to walk there. Was trying to go “Trashy” not “Slutty” there is a difference you know :), but it probably ended up as cheep tranny hooker. Took some studio pics, uses a magenta gel on the fill lights, that sort of came out pink, which worked, but I couldn’t get them to fill the background entirely, though they added some nice pink highlights onto the (synthetic) leather.

Well I’d drank my wine and eaten most of my cheese and felt, to be honest rather fat and ridiculous. That and the fact I was going to an unknown club that may or may not have any TG people their and have to walk all the way down dark streets had me nervous and 3/4 of a bottle of wine wasn’t helping enough.

Got out the house around eight thirty, deep breath, don’t look at anyone and walk quickly. Turned out OK in the end, no real attention, no creeps or negative comments, though I think a van driver bipped me and I got a rather half hearted wolf whistle, thats all. Took a slightly different route and wasn’t 100% sure which way to turn when I got to Stoke Newington Road, guessed, got it right, there’s the club, phew it was rather busy on the street, lets get inside quick.

Inside, pay my cover charge, get a beer (Rock’n'Roll see) and look around. Ahh, I appear to have got the outfit completely wrong a lot of people are just in casual but say 30% have dressed up, but dressed up in Burlseque/40’s/50’s/Rock’n'Roll/Rockabilly type outfits, no tranny hookers at all and I’m probably the only T* too, feel very self conscious now. I’m there just before 9, the acts are supposed start at 9, they don’t (alternative and tranny clubs never run to time table it seems) more hanging around, 2nd beer goes down quite quickly.

But they do get started eventually. First act is a short magic act from er I forget, somebody the London Magician, who’s act is drinking a wine glass full of Stanley knife blades (and wine) and then pulling them out of his mouth on a string. Not sure how he did it, magic I guess.

He didn’t have any more tricks. 2nd act, The Button Dawg Blues Band is just a novelty too, the compare said that there where many musicians in the audience who, at sometime in their career, have played to an audience of one man and his dog, well this one man and his dog performing to you And it was, Ok there was one dog, but a man and a girl. The man played a harmonica and the dog yowled talong to it a bit. Daft really.

Think there was supposed to be band on after that, cept none appeared, and there was another big awkward gap before the next act, had another beer and danced a little to tunes the DJ was spinning. Music selection was eclectic and I doubt any of it was recorded after 1979, but some good tunes came up.

3rd Act was a burlesque act, an Aussie girl who did a good girl turned bad themed performance (seems a fairly common Burlesque theme) with a ballet twist (she dance en pointe) and as she went bad, instead of stripping, she cut her clothes off with a pair of scissors, unusual, but rather well done.

Forgot here name though and she isn’t listed on the web site. It looks like the bill got rearranged a little at the last minute.

Had finished the 3rd bottle of beer by now, but decided to call it a limit at that, as well to be honest I was to self conscious and nervous to use the ladies (and I ain’t using the gents in Helena mode under any circumstances) so decided more beer would be a bad idea. But to be honest reaction wise, it wasn’t too bad, worst I go was one barman referring to me as “Mate” (the other ones where cool) other than that saw a quick a few nudges as people pointed me out to their mates. But a few where nicer, the odd smile, a few well dressed girls let me photograph them, a few people even spoke, to me, couple of people asked me about my camera “Is that a Holga?”, another asked “was I a friend of Lloyd” No I replied, but he said no worries and was glad I came anyway. Not as bad as it could have been I guess, they do say this club gets a rather varied customer based anyway, I could go again, albeit dressed more appropriately.

Things moved a little quicker now and the next band came on, Slim’s Cider Co, who weren’t slim and there was no cider to be seen, but they did have an accordion. They where an old school rock’n'roll band who where perhaps not the youngest, prettiest or trendiest band in the world, but they knew how to play, sing and give the audience a good time. Best band of the night, really enjoyed them. The sing along to Bare Necessities (you know from the Jungle Book) was fun too

Pics getting better, trying to balance ISO, shutter, aperture and flash, you don’t want to go to slower shutter as you get motion blur, but you don’t want to much flash either as it kills the stage lighting an atmosphere, but even at high ISO you need some light. Think I got a few good shots, but not all where keepers.

Next act was Luna Rose another burlesque act, not much of a story or theme to this one, but she could dance, and phew, what a body!!!!!!!

After her was the 2nd band, The Flaming Stars think they where pretty much the headline act, I checked afterwards looks like they had been around a while and have released several albums, but before tonight, I don’t think I’d heard of them before. All blokes, in severe suits, they looked like agents from the Matrix and the played loud and fast garage rock. Very very loud and it seemed to get louder as they went on, and in the small club with low ceilings, they sort of hit my (admittedly low) pain threshold, the young and/or the crazy audience members seemed to enjoy it though, I must be getting old. I struggled to get a good position for pics, they seemed to be the band everyone wanted to see, so it was hard to manoeuvre, and I couldn’t get to close to the speaker stacks either (as they hurt). Did get a few usable shots in the end, the lead singer is quite photogenic in a strange sort of way, he certainly had the attitude.

They played quite a long set, after I’d got enough pics I moved away, to get some relief from the volume, but it was a small club, and I couldn’t get that far away. Tried to step outside, but the smokers where congregated around the door, and I didn’t like the smell and felt exposed on the street, so quickly back inside.

Spotted a familiar face around now, the Vivid Angel had turned up and was chatting to some people at the edge of the club. I went up to her and said hello, and she actually recognised me from the Magic Theatre (where she kissed my glove), which was nice. She posed for a photo, but the settings I had the camera on for the bands didn’t work so well in the rest of the club as the light was different, so it wasn’t a keeper.

The Flaming Stars finished eventually and I manoeuvred back into position during the gap between the acts. It had got a bit warm around the stage. When the vivid angel cam on I was expecting one of her Burlesque routines, but she had been billed as “Vaudeville Freak Show Diva”. The act we got wasn’t a trad burlesque, it was far more “VaudevilleFreek show”. She pieced her self several times, walked on ground glass and several other things that made me wince a bit (but I am incredibly squemish when it comes to this sort of stuff), whilst lip syncing to Lisa Minnelli. Not sure if was all for real (if it was surely there would be blood?) but it did make me a little uncomfortable, but I guess that was the aim.

But it did seem to go down well, the audience where cheering her along, one guy liked it a bit to much and was perhaps a bit too drunk, he pushed his way to the front and started crazy dancing, think one of the men he pushed by was a little unhappy about it and for a moment I thought there was going to be a fight, tried to move away and guard my camera. But it all blew over, drunk guy moved away and the act continued.

After the performance I though about hanging around, to say good night to the Angel, but by now my feet had had enough, it was about 1:30 and I’d been on my heels since about 8:30, there wasn’t a lot of places to sit in the club, so 95% of the time I was standing. And I had to walk home as well, in the early hours, in a leather mini skirt. Damm. Decided to try and get home pronto.

Just of the main street onto a more residential one some men in a car spot me, they call out something, then move the car closer and call out “Hey Tall”, the tone is more come on than aggressive, but still I don’t look, don’t pay them any attention, keep walking. They get the message and leave. Not sure they realised what they where calling to.

That wasn’t the last attention I got, down another street, towards Newington Green, I was followed, quite relentlessly…

You see there was this little ginger cat, youngish I think and a bit nervous (I think cats often revert a bit to instinct when out on the prowl) , it was hiding under a car. Well I can’t resist a cat can I, so I kneel down and go Puss Puss Puss. The cat is unsure, but after a few more calls, it’s rubbing around my legs and it wants a fuss. It’s a cute little thing really. But I don’t have all night, after a minute or two of attention I give it one last tickle behind the ear, get up and carry on home. But the cat hasn’t had enough and it follows me halfway up the street demanding more attention. I don’t want to encourage it, but I don’t want to scare it either, but it shouldn’t get to far from home, so I ignore it, and eventually it gets the message. Sorry for leading you on little kitty, it was only a one night fuss.

Rest of the journey home is uneventful, even this little alley I was a bit nervous about. All the fast food places where closed by now though, no chips

Home just gone 2, feet killing me, need bed. Lie in till 11:30 Sunday, small blister on my foot and don’t get much done all day .

Next week, there’s a lot that could go on, not sure if I can manage it all though. But my ticket to Corset and Diamonds has arrived, so think I’ll manage that one

Extra long weekend for me, got Wednesday and Thursday off as well as the Friday and Monday Bank Holidays, whoo hooo. Wednesday, up early on the train to MK and the snowdome. Wasn’t a bad session, yeah bits roped off cause of tobogganing and repairs, but it wasn’t to busy to make it bad. The staff even built a small kicker later we could use. Managed a few small jumps and flat 180’s, even tried jibbing on a little barrel top they had out, slid or fell off it though. Yeah not a bad session really, though my switch riding has gone to pot. Not sure I’ll be back though, Hemel Hempstead snow centre opens in May, its nearer, and they won’t have tobogganing on the main slope and hopefully it will be better maintained and ran, if its any good, MK is history for me.

Back home, original plan was to change and go out, to that Lola’s club and Tranny shack, but well I was knackered, no one I knew seemed to be going to Lola’s and Tranny shack had male strippers on that night, not really my cup of tea. So in the end I didn’t bother, stayed in Ian mode, did go out for a bit though, went for some food and then had a walk around Islington and the Regents canal with the new camera shooting anything that looked interesting.

I like those pictures, the canal in the warm evening light was really pretty and the camera captured it so well.

Thursday, since I skipped Wednesday decedide to have a full girly day. Change into out fit I saw on a mannequin in New Look, go with blonde Barbie wig cause it seemed to suit the cowgirl look.

Very little post was required on those, and I look almost cute Used two flashes bounced of brollies either side as the main lights, and 2 more, attached to the same stands, but bounced of the walls as fills. So much light I was turning the flash power down to 1/3 nd the aperture to a tiny F9 or 10. Nice as it was I couldn’t go out dressed like that, hair is too silly, skirt way to short and the boots a pain after an hour. Tone it all down, jeans, low heal boots, normal hair.

Not so cute, but more practical and comfortable, and less noticeable. Out late, by the time I’m in the West End its lunch time, so first stop is a sandwich in O’Neils Carnaby street (its cheep and chearfull). Really fancied a cheese sandwich, but it’s just about the only thing they don’t have on the menu, so it’s veggie sausage instead. Why do I have a cheese sandwich craving at the moment?

Wander down the west part of Oxford street, as I’ve done a hundred (well it feels like it) times, did intend to get some undies, just practical ones, from M&S but that’s at the other end of the street, so might as well look at some other shops on the way Also on the lookout for oversized teeshirts, since I didn’t go out on Wednesday, going out Thursday seemed like a plan, and facebook had provided me with a couple of options, a local music night, from what looked like mostly same people who ran that Lemon Squeeze comedy, and an 80’s night in Camden. Actually I fancied the 80’s night and though going to the music night would be a bit stalkerish anyway, so what to wear, big overside tee with something printed on it (though Frankie says relax would be sto much of a cliché) and shinny leggings came to mind, hence the tee shirt search. Been noticing a trend with leggings recently, the shinny ones have made a little come back, and young women are wearing them differently, I had gathered they should be worn like tights, with a dress or skirt or long top covering the crotch and bum, but I’ve noticed a few occasions recently where girls are just wearing them uncovered, in one case on the tube escalator her’s weren’t totally opaque either. It’s a fairly bold fashion given the thinness and tightness of the garments, can’t complain really but its probably not a look I can pull off.

Most tee-shirts I find don’t look right or are totally overpriced, but finally Primark supplies a couple of very cheap ones I can wear with red or black leggings. None are as good as one I saw in Select in Watford though.

Get my undies from M&S too, beige, sensible, practical (and not cheap) day time ones, went up to 38 on the bra band for comfort. Spending so much time in Helena mode these days, I needed more daytime underwear.

I’d done that half of Oxford street now, needed a breather, pick up some sushi for dinner and a frapuchinno from Starbucks and exit Oxford street looking for somewhere for a quiet sit down. Grosvenor square (where the US Embassy is) is quiet, have a moment by a fountain.

A couple come up to the fountains to take pics with their Holga’s, a world away from my G9. Never got into film, I’m a member of the 8bit generation and chemically film is all a bit alien. Home time, wander though Mayfair and Bond Street to Piccadilly to find my bus.

Back home, dinner and check the web sites, ahhh, that 80’s night is on the 9th, the 9th of May not April, oops. Guess its Chicks Rock them. Slightly apprehensive, cause well it’s a lesbian night, and though I do have a preference for genetic women, I don’t really think this qualifies me as a lesbian. The other slight worry is it might look like I’m following the nights compare, Miss Katy, around as I saw here less than a week ago. Oh and its new night and I have no idea what it will be like. Get a word of encouragement from Facebook and decide to risk it. Pack new big camera to see what its like at gig photography. Had found the place on my Thursday wander, it’s near enough for me to walk, but I take the bus most of the way thinking I was late.

(Pic taken on Thursday)

The venue, The Zenith Bar, was down a side street that ain’t well lit (its dark by now) and there’s this strange looking man, but nothing came of it, but it didn’t help my nerve. Get there in the end, bit late perhaps, and oh, there’s Katy outside with some others having a chat. She sees, then recognises me and says hello (not sure she actually remembered my name though), she’s warm and friendly and an air kiss happens, makes me feel less worried, phew. Go inside to get a drink, I’m not late, the acts are still doing sound checks. Hey isn’t that the same bar man as before at Lemon Squeeze?

Lurk in a corner until the acts start. Hey I know her, that’s er what’s her name from Elephant Shelf isn’t it, I say hello, it is, Rosie (I’d forgotten, me bad). It happens that she’d performed at this night before, without the band.

Acts start, its pretty much all one girl and a guitar performances (though one uses a ukulele for a bit), quality is high, but I think a couple stand out, Amy Sutton, she’s in a full size band Neon Choir that a releasing an EP soon and have a gig at the Scala soon, she’s got a great voice and has I dunno that little extra, think she and her band might go far. The other was Tabitha, she was the one that played the ukulele for a bit, she got a lovely voice, she had a CD for sale, I bought one.PicsCamera performed beautifully, there was plenty of light for get good shots without the flash for most of the acts, though I couldn’t crank the shutter up enough to stop all the motion, so there’s some blur on the hand strumming the guitar, but it doesn’t seem to distract. I much prefer the colours when the pictures of a performance are taken without flash, they feel much more alive, the stage lighting isn’t lost and they are far more accurate representation of how things looked to the naked eye.

Had a few more drinks, switched to beer, as well everyone else was drinking it. But that has the usual affect and I had to use the loo. The loo door didn’t have a lock. Try to hold it closed as I, erm, do what you do, but a woman pushes against the door, yikes. Much apologies from both parties follows and she didn’t appear to have an issue with me.

Miss Katy did here usual bouncy compare bit between the acts, she seemed much happier than she was at Lemon Squeeze. There was a little bit of Easter egg hunt, well not really a hunt more a placing of eggs on one person whilst another ate them off then, with much hilarity all round. But this was very much for the gay girls there, with some things going over my little head, I hung back, felt a little out of place and didn’t take pictures. Well until Katy asked people to take pictures as they wanted it all recorded. Well I had to then.

We also sang happy birthday down the mobile phone to the girlfriend of the promoter, Esther. Infact there was quite a bit of sillyness going on really, which was fun, and not quite what you expect from a Lesbian rock night.

As well as the music acts, we had a performance artist, Janine got her illuminated hula hoop out and gave is a great display. The lights went down, I tried to take pics with a slow shutter rear flash, quality wasn’t great, I need more practice at these but I think it sort of showed what was going on. More light hearted fun, and Janine, more than a bit wow.

After the acts had finished I called it a night, I’d had a few beers (well everyone else was), some wine, and er some wine before hand and I’m a little wobbly. I think the others carried on into the night. As I left, Janine was leading a hula hoops session outside the bar, hula hooping on the streets of Islington past midnight was a little surreal but sort of suited the silly feeling that had developed though the evening.

Walk towards home along main streets, but stop at the kebab shop for chips. Bloke in the shop calls me Darling. Get home late and a bit worst for wear, crash out. It’s a fun night out, recommended, would like to go back, perhaps see if I could get others to come along (esp those that can play and sing), but they usually have it on Thursdays, which might be awkward though:(

Friday, good Friday, well more like rainy grey Friday. Slightly hung over I decide to walk it off. Ian mode again, seem to be back to the pattern of alternating when I have a few days off work. Needed to save the face for Saturday anyway. End up walking all the way to Waterloo in the drizzle, look in a few shops, don’t buy, others I wanted to look in (Honour, some camera shops) are shut anyway. Stop for a cheese sarnie (that craving again) in a pub in the West End and raid the Slow Food fair at the South Bank for free samples. Even though the weather is a bit crap and shops where shut, it’s not unpleasant, a good long walk give you time to think and see stuff. Have little camera with me, pop off a few random shots.

Walk back up to Islington via Blackfriars and St Pauls, stop at the supermarket and jump on the bus for the last leg home, feet had had enough. Back home, gosh that’s a lot of pictures to sort out from Wednesday and Thursday, and that Capture NX software, which although gives good results, ain’t quick on my old single core machine.

Saturday, big night out planned, so decided to stay off changing till later and instead pop to Camden (again) in Ian mode. The big night out was Festival of Sins : Pride” an alternative/fetish/goth night, I had the outfit planned, but well wasn’t 100% sure about it, original plan was for my killer heel strappy platform shoes, this was revised to my knee length boots with the 4″ heel I wimped out from wearing a few weeks ago, as the boots sort of went with the gloves and corset better. But these boots are a little plain, what would work would be some gothy ones, or platform ones with laces. Boots like this are easy to get in my size. On the internet. But you can’t try them on first over the internet and getting this sort of thing retail on the other hand has always proved difficult.. Camden was my best bet, there are lots of places that stock that sort of boot, but unfortunately they rarely seem to have them in my far to big size.

Trawled a lot of shops, to be honest nothing looked perfect, but there where a few close matches, but when I enquired about them in Euro size 43, nope, they didn’t have any Leave Camden bootless, but I do pass that Select shop and they have that tee shirt I liked. What slightly worries me is that when I bought my thigh boots in Camden, and they are the New Rock Goth Boots brand like the ones I was looking at on Saturday, they did have 43. Perhaps it was because I was in girl mode at the time? Nah I’m being paranoid.

Walk towards home, the longer way, past Mornington Crescent, noting the time of the last tube, also noting the location of the mini cab office. The Festival of Sins was held at the Purple Turtle in Camden, which is just around the corner from Mornington Crescent, so I wanted to check on my options to get home, I wouldn’t be walking it. Well I wouldn’t be walking it at night in heels, but the boy walked home, via the supermarket again.

All that walking helped a little, getting the corset on was a bit easier. Spent most of the rest of the day getting ready to go out. Tried a similar light setup to Thursday, but with red gels on the wall bounced lights.

The light wasn’t as flattering as before, or perhaps I just looked worse and the hair is all over the place, needed some post work to tidy up. After the photo’s I realise I’d laddered my tights, arrrggg, first time I’d worn that pair to and they where £6 from M&S. Right pain to get almost every thing off to change them. Pack to go, I’d had an email exchange with the people from the club about cameras, the policy was to only allow a small group of pro’s with passes to have SLR’s, everyone else was limited to little cameras. Since I’m not a pro, pack little camera then. But then I thought sod it, let’s sin a little, and packed new big camera as well. I knew little one would struggle in a dim club, but big new one would excel, and well I wanted to have pride in my pictures. Me bad? Well it was Festival of Sin : Pride …

By the time I had everything sorted it was about 8:40, wanted to be there for about 9:20 (as the entertainment started at 9:30), add in contingency time and it was time to go, had changed into some more comfy boots and put the killer heels in bag to get their. As I walked down the street to the tube a cat walks up to and demands a fuss, I oblige, puts me in a good mood. Which lasts as far as the tube station, where a bloke shouts “Show us your dick” as I pass no I don’t, head down, keep walking.

Tube runs quickly and I’m a bit early, and no more comments on the way. Spot a couple of familiar faces out side the club, basically the night is ran by the same people who run that Striplite club, and the promoter and compare are out side and they recognise me too. In, on with the boots and get a quick drink and sit down before the acts start. There are plates of biscuits out

First act is SHH an Argentinean Dance duo (girl who sang and boy who worked the synthesisers), most of the songs are in Spanish and I don’t understand a word and I guess most of the music was pre sequenced, but it didn’t matter a hoot, they rocked, I was dancing and cheering like a loon. But did find some time to grab some photo’s to, mostly little one, but sneaked a shot with big cam in from the side where you could get a shot from between the speakers, but not be seen so well by every one else.

She’s doing that just leggings look too. After the performance, I thank them, and buy their latest CD “Gaucho Boy” off their manager (or promoter or something like that) . CD isn’t bad, but it’s not up to their live performance. The singer is down in the crowd after that, think she stayed the night and had fun, I even managed to have a little dance with her (well there was a group of about 5 of us) for half a track in between the acts. It’s not every night you get to dance with an Argentinean pop star I try to get a picture of her on the dance floor, but let the clubs resident photographer (Nick Von Fiction, again from Striplite) see big camera as I try (pic didn’t come out unfortunately), he says its OK to use it if he doesn’t catch me I’m a bit more discrete with it after that.

Crowd is growing, though a slightly disappointing number are just in jeans, mostly it’s the blokes not making an effort (but not all of them) more of the girls put the work in and there are quite a few rubber and/or PVC outfits around, plus corsets, lingerie and uniforms. But as far as I could tell, I was the only tranny, (but I couldn’t be 100% sure) a few guys where sort of partially cross dressed, including the compare, Nathan Strange in red PVC thigh boots, but I was I think (again I can’t be 100% about this) I was the only one who was trying to present as female. Odd, thought this sort of thing could have been popular with the T*. No one seemed to mind though me though, got a few smiles, a few complements me on my outfit and a couple more people took my picture. I said trying to present as female didn’t I’m not sure if everyone got that and I might of just come across as a drag queen I did use the ladies and well, I’m not sure, but I might of got a couple of looks of disapproval in there though. Saw what I looked like in a picture (lent my camera to someone), gawd I looked a state, shyed away from cameras pointing in my direction after that. Slightly hypocritical that? But I didn’t take anyones picture who didn’t first give me permission first or was on stage performing (who are fair game in my book, they are there to be seen).

Next act is Blanche Dubois, a boylesque performer who strips from a military type uniform to a sparkly dress to a thong with a tassel on it. It goes down quite well, not really my sort of thing, but you have to admire the courage and confidence to get up and do that sort of thing.

After him there’s a pole dance, from two girls, in fabulous make up and ballet shoes. And they use the ballet shoes, dancing en pointe. It’s very different, original, athletic and had its own strange beauty. I liked it a lot. One of the girls performing is Nyuszi the cake lady from Striplite. Get pics with little cam, they aren’t very good, shutter way to slow, but faster would of killed the lighting, bah.

Following a short DJ interlude, there’s the 2nd band (they are quite good keeping things moving). The Beautiful Deadly Children are a rather over the top and more than a bit camp Vampire Goth outfit, with a singer, a dancer (both in wild opulent costumes) and a couple of guys playing keyboards. Its silly stuff really, not unpleasant, fun in fact but I wouldn’t buy the album.

Mixture of big and small cam pics that, can you tell. In the next break I’d try to get a few more people pics, but they aren’t working, only a few come out and they are often over exposed.

Also try to say hello to a couple of people (OK attractive young women) I’d met at Striplite, but its little more than a Hello, I’m tongue tied as usual. Those hapless attempts at interaction don’t take so long so and my feet are killing me by now, so lurk in the back on a stool for most of the time now when acts aren’t playing.

Next act is another band, Eyelash. According to their facebook they play Alt.Rock.Pop.Metal, which seems to be a good drescription and they rock, they really do, enjoy them a lot and the rest of the crowd seems to agree with me. The band is 2 guys and 2 girls, both dressed for occasion in rubber, the lead singer has quite a presence (and can really sing too), and lots of photo’s get taken with both big and small.

The big cams pictures, are well some of the best gig shots I’ve ever got IMHO, its all about the light and subject isolation with depth of field, but more people have looked at the little cams pics on flickr. Why, guess cause there’s more leg on display in those (didn’t have to hide around the edge taking them). I would like to see Eyelash perform again, and will look for the CD (will make do with the tracks on their facebook page in the mean time).

Ow, ow feet. Next performance is a fashion show from An unusual fashion show
Nikita Sablier a corset creator with a shop in Kingly court, Soho (I’ve been there before). But it’s more like a performance with a story and characters than a straight fashion show, slightly kinky weird, but also creative and different. Pics of course, all from big cam.

Again it gets the light so well, couple of the pictures not perfect,, too unfocused but the other 2 with picked out faces or bodies, think they are pretty good, for me. I say me, its clever optics, electronics and luck really.

Last act of the night is Burlesque, with a twist, Sophia Landi disrobes quite quickly, but that’s not the end, she puts on a display of rather bold fire eating after that, how does she not get burned? Brave lass.

Its gone 1am that’s it, I’m pooped, feet hurt, get coat and change into comfier boots. Torture garden was on the same night, till 6am, guess a fair number of the young and strong moved on to that after the Festival, but I had to go home. There’s a takeaway around the corner, get chips, what no mayo, salt or vinegar? Had missed the last tube by now, can’t walk so it’s a cab from that convenient minicab office. I guess I dodged the crowds from the Purple Turtle and the huge Koko place opposite by leaving a little early there’s no wait for a taxi and I’m whisked straight home. Clean up and out like a light.

Lie in on Sunday, for a long time, bit of a hangover too. Ohhh, flats a bombsite, I’ve 100’s of photos to process, washing to do as well and what I really want to do is just stay in bed and eat my Easter egg.

Get up eventually and start on the photo’s. Can face doing them all with Capture NX or Zoombrowser, they are both so slow with RAW files, but the fast Capture one software I used to use with my D80 doesn’t work for a D700 or G9 I got that software as part of a package with a memory card, so it was virtually free and I can’t really upgrade it to the latest version can I, which does support all my cameras. Digging around the Phase One website, I actually find I am entitled to 1 free upgrade, woot!! Upgrade it from 4.01 to 4.7 and we have full camera support. It actually works really well with the G9 it has more options than the Canon software, esp highlight recovery, which saves a couple of the pics. Stay in slobbing boy mode all day, do managed to tidy a little, get the washing done and find a shop open on Easter Monday that sells bread, but its mostly pictures pictures pictures.

Monday, last days of the holidays, back to girl, just well, cause I can, but its not a planned things to do sort of day. Get ready eventually, minimal makeup, just paint stick and powder, no photo’s, nearly went with combats but went to skirt and leggings in the end. Tube to town, no one comments.

MAC first, need some primer, of into Soho. Girl in shop is friendly and help full, I get the primer, some concealer and hand in 6 empty containers to get my free lippy, choose a really dark one, called, funny enough “Dark Side” for a change, MAC lady likes this one and explains it can be worn full on or as a stain. Was all nice, but they ask me my name, so they can look me up on their system. As I’m paying my name comes up on the till as “Mr Love”

Oh well, I’m feeling a bit down and that doesn’t help. Lunch in Yo Sushi as they have a “Blue plate” offer on Mondays with every plate the same price. Funny thing is most of the expensive dishes appeared to have disappeared off the conveyor, wonder why. Back to Oxford street, look in a couple of shops, mostly so I can check my reflection in the mirrors to make sure the makeup is still on after lunch. As I leave Esprite a sales woman tells me their’s more ladies wear down stairs. Feels better, glad she didn’t tell me about the men’s wear upstairs. Pic up some bits and pieces in Boots while I’ m their, wipes and soap and stuff. Getting a few looks but no comments (in a language I understand anyway).

Wander round HMV, hear Star Wars music, its showing on the plasma screens, oh that’s animated one, the Clone Wars, haven’t seen that. Call myself a nerd and there’s a Star Wars film I haven’t seen! Rectify that and buy the DVD.

What next, well, to be honest I didn’t need any more shopping, yes that’s true, there just wasn’t any more clothes I felt I needed. Shall I hand my tranny badge in now? (nerd failure and tranny failure in one day, bah). Duck off Oxford street to a quiet pub (one of those Gothic theme pubs like the London Stone) and have a glass of wine and read a bit.

Wander down the street to the bus stop, don’t need clothes but I’m out of food again, decide to do a full shop at Tesco’s near Angel and get on the bendy bus. Which wasn’t the right bendy bus, have to get off at Holborn to prevent my self from been driven to the City and instead just walk to Angel instead. Town’s quiet, streets are almost empty and the sun pops out, it became nice and peaceful. Browse in a few shops that sold clothes I couldn’t afford in sizes I couldn’t fit into on the way for no apparent reason, hit head on ceiling beam in one of them.

Did end up taking a few pictures on the way, but there’s nothing special and I’ll leave them till next week.

At Tesco’s I load up with a weeks worth of healthy stuff and some wine woman asks me to watch here shopping at the till while she gets something else, glad she trusted me. Pay, bus home, put on the Clone Wars and open the wine. Eat healthy dinner but still have a bit of a craving for a cheese sandwich.

Been a busy few days and I’m a bit drained, nothing is planned for next week, will probably take it easy, but the week after that should be all go, hell there’s multiple possible nights out and places to go, what to do?

 Oh side note, at a request I’ve removed the need to login to comment on this blog, but all comments will have to be moderated. If there’s to much spam and nastyness I’ll go back to the login system. But you don’t have to comment if you don’t want to.

Friday, up at 5:30, in work at 7:35am, out 3:35, back home 5:10, having managed to redirect pretty much everything on my plate. Reason, well going out again, Friday is the new Saturday (for me it seems), but couldn’t really wangle working from home again so it dash home and quick change job.

Face, ow, slash cheek with razor, but bleeding stops and manage to cover everything up with slap. Think make up works OK, but the suns mostly gone in, and a light bulb is for more forgiving. Change, simple jeans, LS top, leather jacket, boots, very casual. All goes together quite quickly without feeling rushed, even have time for a sit down and a glass of wine, perhaps I’m getting better at this? No photoshoot though, big camera still being fixed.

Out by 8 something, destination is Seven Sisters, it’s only a few stops on the tube. Reason for Seven Sisters at 9ish on a Friday night, well this thing called Lemon Squeeze popped up on Facebook, that described ittself as “North London’s new Comedy/Drag nite for gay girls ‘n boyz”, decided to go, as it was free, local, should be accepting, didn’t have to dress up (up as in fancy/posh/fetishy, not fem, dressing as Helena is technically not dressing up as far as I’m concerned) and well I needed a laugh (been another of those weeks).

Find the place, its in a Bar/Restaurant called The Mango Bar & Restaurant, tis just outside one of the tube exits. Inside it’s dark, quite big, and not that full. As I’m getting a drink a woman introduces herself to me, she friendly, turns out to be the night’s promoter and asks how I found out about it. Get some olives (it’s a Tapas place really and the staff speak more Spanish than English) and a Caipirinha (A good one too) and find a table in the main area. Isn’t full really, just a couple of groups of people at other tables, feel a bit conspicuous being on my own, but its dark I can lurk in a corner till the acts start.

Don’t have to wait to long, and when they start I move closer up. From what I can gather, the majority of the people there are actually friends or partners of the comics and compare, there aren’t many general punters at all, in fact, I might have been the only one. The lack of a big audience combined with the size of the place causes a couple of the acts the struggle, guess they just needed a bigger crowd to work off. The performers don’t really need a mike (good cause it was playing up), though one asks for one anyway, not switched on, as he just wanted something to hang on to

As usual stupid features here can’t remember their names. First there was the youngish bloke with a beard, he struggled a little with the lack of audience, not many laughs. After him, larger bloke, from Redhill wherever that is, he struggled the most, fewest laughs. After him I think was the youngish bloke with a guitar, he sang and played and was very funny. Oh and there was Miss Katy, who I’d seen at Corset and Diamonds as the compare, think she knew most of the comics personally. Don’t think she was impressed with the audience size and venue.

Little intermission after that, another cocktail, they are good and the barman is friendly, those 2, plus a beer, plus the wine before hand and I’m getting a little wobbly. The promoter comes and talks to me again, she’s a bit disappointed by the turn out to, but she’ optimistic. Buy the guitar playing comic’s CD.

2nd set and there’s a different larger guy, much funnier than the other one, then there’s a youngish woman, funny and quite dark and deadpan. She asked at one point for a show of hands if anyone had kept any of their new years resolutions, only I put my hand up (well I am, one resolution was to go exploring alternative night life outside the TG scene :)), later in here act she needed a member of the audience to participate, and she pointed at me…. I must have had drank to much cause I agreed and got up (in a slightly wobbly fashion) on stage, grinning like a loon. My recollection of this is hazy but I’ll try and recall it as best I can. This part of the routine was reading from self help “book” (it was actually just a prop) of how to interact with people in a friendly manor or something like that (she’d mentioned anger management and the like before hand…), she read the advice from the book, but then followed it though with comedic tactlessness, one question the “book” was something like “Offer some information your self and then ask the other person” , so she said something like “When was your last period, I haven’t had one for 3 months”, gets a laugh … but that’s an interesting question to a girl like me, well I had to answer, so I replied with the truth, “Never” .

After her was another girl, in a dress and carrying a ukulele, she sang and played also and was also really funny. That’s was about it for the comics, there was another act on after them, a drag act (I feared the worst) but she was still doing her makeup, so there was another interval, got another beer. Most of the comics and their friends seemed to disappear at this point.

The drag act did come on later, and was surprisingly pretty good, she look quite natural and sang and told jokes. Glad it wasn’t just a lip sync. Audience had thinned to about 6 or 7 though by now but she soldiered on and gave it her all.

Did take some pics with little cam, but it was dark and I couldn’t really get a good balance of exposure and flash, so they are not very good. Plus the flash might have been a bit off putting to the acts, sorry.

Face book has given me a few of the names of the acts (, but I can’t link them up with the faces, (can’t guarentee its accuracy either) sorry.

Jay Forman
Rachel Stubbings
Mackenzine Taylor
Pat Burcher
and Others…

Thought the night had advertised there would be dancing and a DJ till late afterwards, I wasn’t convinced this would really happen, so decided to call it a night, there was just enough time to get the last tube, wanted to say thanks to the promoter, and well anybody else around, couldn’t find them initially. Spotted a couple going through a door, I stuck my head around, it was the kitchen and a group of them seemed to be having a discussion, they didn’t sound that happy, I sort loitered a little bit then said thanks and left. Think I shouldn’t of been in there

Oh well. Personally, I think I was quite a good night, I had some nice drinks, a few good laughs, spoke to a couple of people and it was all free and local too. Plus nobody seemed to care that I was trans. But no one really could describe the night as a total success, given the turnout. As I found with Papillion and the like, getting a good turn out to a new club these days is very hard, and promoters have to be pretty tireless and be very well connected.

One thing, the facebook page did describe it as being a sort of Gay/Lesbian comedy night, but well apart from the drag act, all the comics and their material was, as far as I could tell, straight. Though I guess Miss Katty and some of here friends where holding up the L part of LGBT, the barman who made the cocktails seemed to be a bit camp, and then there was me, but It wasn’t quite what I expected. No problem though and no big angry shouty blokely blokes around.

Manage to get the last tube home, get chips (ARRRGGG!!!) on the walk back. Home, check mail, finish bottle of wine (that’s a quite a lot of drink for a Friday….) clean up and crash.

Saturday, owww, that was a lot of drink, mild hangover. Hungover and have a face that’s go too much stubble to makeover, but not enough to shave, so decided to do bloke mode and save Helena mode for Sunday.

<<<< WARNING WHAT FOLLOWS FOR SATURDAY IS CAMERA PORN, PLEASE SKIP FORWARD TO SUNDAY IF THIS SORT OF THING OFFENDS OR, MORE LIKELY, JUST BORES YOU TO TEARS >>>

Didn’t like the pictures from the night and didn’t like being without my SLR. Well I’d been mulling the camera problem over the week actually and had come to the conclusion I really had to get another one (number 4). I have savings and am due a reasonable bonus from work in June, most of which will add to the savings but I’ll have a couple of K spending money left. But since the interest rates are so minute at the moment, there’s little point me leaving money in the bank, so why not spend my bonus early

The camera I’d decided on was a Nikon D700, a couple of models above my D80, it’s technically a professional body. Why, well its full frame, the sensor (the chip in it that records the image) is the same size as 35mm film, much bigger than my D80, and far far bigger than the average compact camera’s sensor. The advantage of a big sensor is that each pixel can get more light and this results in less noise, even when the sensitivity is raised. Basically a Nikon D700 can shoot ISO1600 noise free, ISO 3200 very well and 6400 useably, whereas my D80 is only really useable up to ISO 800 and my Canon G9 is a mess above ISO 200. ISO 3200, a fast lens and you can practically shoot in the dark. It’s the perfect club and gig camera and should be pretty excellent for photo shoots too. Add to that 12mp, professional grade metering and autofocus, uncompressed 14bit raw files, high res screen, bright viewfinder, live view, magnesium alloy chassis, weatherproofing and a host of other features and well, what’s not to love Well there’s the price I suppose, but as I said, I’m spending my bonus early.

Out via the bank to transfer funds and down to Calumet near Euston. Bloke takes the piss out of my hair on the way, I get grief even in male mode. Here we are, at the big camera shop, um an err a little, wander around, then deep breath, OK lets buy this thing. They let me play with the display model for bit, take few shots with it a in a couple of minutes I’m all smiling and excited, geek with new super toy, I have to have one. Buy it, plus a remote control (radio one, my D80’s infa red one is incompatible), another flash gun (the new monster SB-900), the Nikon Raw conversion software, a few little bits for my Studio and a compact flash card (D700 takes CF not SD). Didn’t want to buy that card. Original plan was to use my SD cards with an adaptor, had already got the adaptor, but find out, is an adaptor from SD to CF II, not regular CF, they are thinner, bugger. This leads to a problem, how am I going to get the pics into my PC? It’s notoriously picky about USB devices and my D80 and G9 won’t talk to it, so I take the SD card out and use my Pentax (which does talk to the PC) like a card reader. Dunno why it is picky, voltages or something? Trouble is the Pentax won’t take CF. Bit of a dilemma.

Leave shop with big bags, much lighter bank balance, smile and even the hangover has disappeared, it seems the best cure for that is shopping

What to do about that CF card…. Maplin on Tottenhamcourt road has a possible answer, a PCI USB card I can put in my PC to give me new USB ports, hopefully they will work with the camera.

Get a couple of new novels at FP, a sarnie and then the bus home. Unpack a few items, wow the manual is thick.

Lenses, I’d just bough a body, but had already 4 lenses I could use (and 2 I couldn’t as they are designed for smaller sensors), the one zoom I had I could use was the sigma 24-70 which was being repaired, so that left me with the primes, at 24, the 35 and the 50, but that’s enough coverage. Cropped sensor DLSR’s have the effect of magnifying an image about 1.5x, so a 50mm lens works like 75mm on a full frame or a film camera. So when was shooting my little photoshoots in my kitchen with the D80 I use a 24mm (usually the 24-70 zoom as the 24 f1.8 prime is a bit soft :(), which is really like 36mm on full frame, so my 35 f2 prime is now my main full length portrait lens. Result, it’s as sharp as a razor blade past f.2.8 (and not half bad under). Still fancy a extremely wide zoom though, might have more shopping to do.

Spend the rest of the afternoon messing around with my new toy, trying the remote control (doesn’t need line of sight ) using CLS to control the flashes and just generally being a big kid.

As evening comes, its time to try and get the pics into the PC, the screen on the camera is very nice, but it can’t post them on Flickr. Camera doesn’t talk to PC. Bugger. Install new card. Seems to work with normal USB devices, plug in camera, it detects it as a camera, which is more than usual, but then, it falls over, bad device and it can’t read it. bugger, dam and sod it! Try in vain googling the problem, searching tech boards, downloading software. Nowt works. Double bugger, dam and sod it! Wait a minute, I have a card reader somewhere don’t I? it didn’t work before, but would it work with the new ports? Have to hunt around for a bit to find it. Plug in, device installs correctly, yeahhh!!! Plug in card, it reads, Yes! We have a workflow. It reads SD cards too and doesn’t need to be shut down or anything, you just plug them in and it reads them like a floppy, woot, better than before. Geekself is happy once again

Its dark now, and I’d shot enough pics of my flat, so go out into the night so see what it can do. My local streets weren’t particularly photogenic that night, so its not an interesting picture but it was just a test.

That’s a nearby parade of shops, it was about 10pm, shot with a 1/30 shutter, f4 and ISO 2200, yes that’s 2200, and after I’d processed the RAW can I see any noise, only a tiny bit in the dark sky. None of my other camera’s could get any where near that quality in that light. In fact there aren’t many other camera’s made that could. Night photography is normally done with a tripod and long exposures, with this I can shoot from the hip.

Geekself goes to bed happy.

<<<<< END OF CAMERA PORN >>>>>

Up late, sunny morning, today is a Helena day, face, er, still not much stubble, hurts to shave. Makeup doesn’t go on well, or is it just in the bright sunshine I can see it as it really is. Take ages choosing what to wear, end up with a grey top, black skirt, brown tights, black boots and tan jacket. Bit over coordinated? Bit dressy uppy? Skirt a bit to short?? Dunno, but I quite like it. Set up new camera and lights for a few photo’s

Need more practice with the new camera and the lights, but the batteries on one of the flashes die before I’m really happy with the light. But checking the files later, I’m quite impressed, sharp and detailed everywhere without looking over processed, rich colours without looking over saturated, very little post work is required. Good things could happen with this camera. Realise chain and bangles don’t match the boots, after I’d taken the pics, poo. Change them for gold(ish) ones.

Sunny day, nearly lunch time, lets get out there. Was only planning to pop to Camden, yeah there yet again, but I had a mission this time, had worked out a fetishy outfit and just needed another corset (Well geekself got the new toy, so the girlself needs a little indulgence too, to keep it all balanced :)).

Cross road near flat, car stops to let me pass, driver must of got a good look, as he drives away he shouts at me “She Man, She Man”. Well I’ve never been called than before I suppose. This was where things started to go wrong. Queue for Cash machine, it runs out of money before I get to the end of the queue. Miss train by 2 minutes, next one is half an hour. Try to take tube instead, realise I’d forgotten my Oyster card and have to pay extortionate cash price. Miss lift at Mornington Crescent by 30 seconds. Get stared at all the way coming though Camden, can’t find a pub or bar with a veggie meal option (all seem to be serving roast dinners). Get more comments, bloke outside pub goes “Is that a Geezer, It’s a facking Geezer init”, the pub was on the other side of the road. More stares.

All pretty minor annoyances, but it seems to add up and my confidence drops. Make it into the Hawley Arms, feeling down, but they do have a good veggie selection, decide to eat there. Comfort food.

Comments and stares, in Camden? Didn’t get that last week. Perhaps I was unlucky, but I guess I must of got the look wrong. Makeup rough? Outfit over coordinated? Unfashionable? Skirt too short? Heels too high and me not walking on them right? Probably all of the above and more serves me right I guess. Certainly if I show a lot of leg I get clocked more, guess it attracts attention and thus closer observation, then they realise what they where looking at But then again I’ve been to Camden in a short skirt a few times before with less reaction so…

But the staff in the Hawley Arms is friendly and the food, a veggie pie, is nice. Start to feel better. Glass of wine and my new book helps.

Cross the road into the Market and my favourite Corset shop/stall/retail outlet thingy Burleska. Yep they have the leather 28″ (I’m working on that) under bust I was looking for. Try it on, girl running the stall tightens me up, hrm still a couple of inches wide at the back when she stops tightening. She says I could get into a 26″ (flatterer) but I decline, this is tight enough, if I can shift the weight (so why did I just have pie?) I can do it up properly. One little success for the day. Wander around the market looking for another piece of the outfit, I wanted a white long sleeved gauzy almost see through blouse to wear with it. Couldn’t find one Revert to plan B, use the short sleeved gauzy one I already have with long leather gloves.

Time to go home, still getting the stares Miss train again, so wait it out in a bar opposite the station with my book and glass of wine. Book gets good, so decide to miss the next train and get more wine

Train, shop, home, sort pictures out. Not an entirely successful day, but I made it in one piece.

Work on Monday, camera shop calls, they can fix my 24-70 lens, estimate is not outrageous, woot. Still waiting for news about the D80. But what am I going to do with that when it’s fixed?

Next week, Easter, bank holidays and I have a couple of extra days off as well Might make it out on Wednesday to Soho and plan to wear my new outfit to an arty alternative fetishy night on Saturday. Though as usual Billie no mates is clubbing alone and I can’t even bring the new camera along for company either.