Thursday, cold coming on, lethargic, tired, kept yawning and sniffling all day. Wanted to do an early start/early leave on Friday (As I;ve said befor, my department is quite flexible with time keeping as long as you don’t take the piss) but my work colleagues wondered if I would make it the state I was in. Getting ready to leave they said I should take the laptop home, just in case.

Wasn’t an act, I’d been feeling down physically and mentally all week. Dunno why mentally, it was a sort of miserable I’m totally useless at everything and anything, am a total waste of space, why do I even bother sort of things going on in my head. This happens quite often. Physically, just the usual winter cold.

Friday, work colleagues where right, I felt pretty rotten, cold, bad sore throat and the tiredness. So fired up the laptop and worked from home. Actually did some work this time too, reports needed to be changed as users had changed their minds. Other users with questions and queries about figures on other reports that had to be dealt with too (hint to users: Garbage in = Garbage out). But the work was a bit sporadic, baked some muffins and painted my nails red in the gaps. Started feeling better later on and as the work died down in the afternoon I made plans to go out.

Striplite was on in the City again (see feb 2nd post “Workers and Play”) that evening and I felt like dressing up in something ridiculous, getting a bit tipsy and having a dance. Outfit was assembled from various bits and pieces I’d worn to the Magic Theatre or photo shoots previously. The theme for the night was leather and lace, easy peasy with my clothing collection. Bathe, shave, makeup, seems to work OK, outfit, a bit OTT, well not a bit, very. Dam my weight, I could get that corset done up fully before, now, there’s a couple of inches free Use extra extra large forms to fill the top. End up wearing 2 skirts, lacy one on top with an old gauzy one underneath sort of working like a petticoat.

No fancy studio shots, the D80 is still back with Nikon being fixed, so have to rely on the little G9, its not a bad camera, but it you can’t get a wireless remote for it

Just have one of the muffins for dinner, pack the rest. Put on a long coat, scarf and hat on, hide the outfit as best I could, coat fits odd, mixture of me being bigger and the skirt sticking out. Pack comfy boots just in case, but I’m attempting the trip in the thigh boots with the 4″ heel, yikes.

Off into the night, bus to Angel, nobody seems to notice me much. Change bus at angel, well had planned to, indicator thingy says the 43 is 14 minutes away, oohh, that’s like 2 weeks in bus years. Didn’t want to push it hanging around a busy bus stop for 15+ minutes (those thingys are always optimistic) on a Friday night, esp as the after work crowd could be bladdered already. Jump on the tube instead. Boot lace came undone, so I’m a 6′ tranny in a curly blonde wig, tying up the laces on her leather stiletto thigh boots on the Northern Line at around 9pm and nobody gives me a 2nd glance, you got to love London sometimes

Bank, forgot the exact exit number I had to take, but could remember the direction and spotted some familiar bits. Sloping down section was really tricky in those boots. Find the familiar exit, up the stairs, at the top a youngish girl in black with blonde dreds asks me if I’m going to Striplite. Yes I reply, she explains she is going too and in fact was supposed to be working the door at 9 (its quarter past now) but she wasn’t sure of the way from here. I give her directions, (it’s only 3 minutes away) and we walk towards it, but I can’t keep up with her in my boots (she’s wearing huge platform goth things) so she goes on ahead. Not sure if she was worried about being late or just didn’t want to be seen with the big silly tranny.

Round the corner, London Stone, Striplite, pay my 5 pounds and we are in. Hrmm not many people who look “Striplite” ish in, is mostly regular folk, some look a little drunk already to Make my way to the kitchen (we can use it as there’s no cloak room) to change into the rest of my outfit and pack my coat away. As I’m faffing around 2 girls come in to put their coats away, both young, very attractive and wearing leather corsets. Wow. I ask one “You look like you know your way around a corset, could you help me” (its hard work trying to tie it up from behind), but she directs me her friend, as she is the expert. She puts some tension into it (but it won’t go up all the way) and ties it off. She says her name was Missy, for the purposes of this evening anyway, I tell her I’m Helena, but only at the weekend. Little more from those two later.

Sort out the hat in the loos (the only mirror in the place) get a drink and sit in a corner waiting the entertainment to start. Bit sad really, at a place like this on my own with my social skills. I asked a few others if they where coming before, but they where all of to Eastbourne for the weekend for a Trans-living or something do at a hotel. I think a lot went to that. But I hoped there would be enough of a show here for me to be able to lurk at the back and not look to sad.

But the entertainment isn’t starting in any hurry, so get another drink, a couple of people do try to talk to me, an older gentleman tells me I’m look very attractive, I thank him, then he asks if I’m chat-up-able, no I reply. He leaves. Another woman tries to chat with me, she’s not really dressed up but has nose ring and looks like she could (though she er isn’t quite one of the younger pretty ones, me nasty, sorry). It’s a bit of a struggle (me being me) but I gather it was her first time here and she was a bit disappointed by Striplite, being rather small and hoped the Festival of Sins was better, I didn’t know what it was like, but knew the Purple Turtle, where it’s held, is bigger than the London Stone.

More fetishy people are arriving, but still its not a huge number and there are still a large number of muggles in the bar. But they seem good natured, a few lads, quite pissed by the looks of them are dancing around a bit and trying to chat up every attractive female going past. One is even a bit curious about me, he stared at my chest for a couple of seconds and then asked “Are they real”, I answered honestly, “No”.

Start touring the room asking anyone interesting looking for a photo, nobody refuses and some of them turn out quite well I think.

Also since I don’t have any good pics of me I hand my camera over to a couple of people to take mine. Don’t work so well, but that’s just cause of the subject for the camera or photogrpaher.

Entertainment does start, there’s a film, something in black an white about gay saunas and slapping and who know what, doesn’t appeal, don’t really pay attention. Must be on at least the third drink by now.

Next performance is quite good though, that Missy girl I mentioned earlier and her friend get up to do a turn, it’s a dance routine, to the Prodigies “Fire Starter”, made a bit special as they do it with lit Sparklers. Honest, it was more impressive than it sounds, best act of the night. Missy’s wig falls off during the dance though, she’s actually blonde.

Slow shutter speed and flash gets the light trails from the sparklers quite nicely.

There’s a gap before the next act, so another drink, try to dance a bit, a couple of girls are dancing but really the dance floor never really seems to get going. The girls dancing agree to pose for photo’s and take one with me

When she sees the picture that dark haired girl remarked “It’s little and large” Facebook later tells me her name is Nicky.

The cakes come out as well, grab one, nice, but remember my muffins, go back to my bag to grab them and add them to the cake tray going around. No one seems to minds and I think they where all eaten and no one has, as far as I’m aware, died of food poisoning either (though the face book page is quiet….) . They do mentioned bring you can brink cake on the Facebook page, but I’ve not seen anyone else do it. Perhaps its one of these thing where I taking it all literally and at face value again, and really bring cake, instead of reading between the lines, one of my numerous communication skills problems. Even my with outfit, I went with leather and lace, but lots and lots of it, no one else has gone quite so over the top, one girl, one of the organisers I think, remarks “You need a lot of confidence to wear that much lace”, I replied “No just a lot of alcohol” well its true I’d had a few, but really, dressing like a silly drag queen at a fetish club is very easy compared to trying to dress as a normal woman and walk down the street in broad daylight. That still makes me bit nervous and the odd crisis of confidence arises every now and then.

For most of the night I do appear to be the only trans person in the place (unless my T-DAR in wonky), but another girl turns up later, must be at least 6′ 6″ even without heels, with cyber dreds, a rubber dress and drag queen eye makeup. I look a little short and plain in comparison. We do try and talk a bit and I take a photo. Was, again, a bit strained, didn’t even get her name

Third act starts quite late, its “Russella”, the UK’s only drag queen supermodel (as she billed herself) doing “An excerpt from his original twisted play about princess Diana” . It’s a bit weird, funny I guess, not side splitting with Russella wearing various masks (The queen, Prince Charles, Camilla) before revealing a bloodied princess Di. Not a patch on the Firestarter routine if you ask me. There also an extract from a film Russella’s (do I address as He or She?) film on the same matter. Again not fascinating, to me anyroad.

After that it’s a bit quite, I’d hoped people would be dancing, but not a lot is happing. Don’t think it was one of their best nights really and the turn out was quite low. Reckon its getting close to midnight, time for Cinders to go home. Boots, yeah I can feel them, but think I can manage with them to get home. Get my coat and say goodbye.

Walk quite slowly to the nearby McDonalds, well I only had the muffin for tea. Bloke exclaims “GAY” as I pass him in the street. I personally think conventional descriptions of sexuality are inadequate when the gender of one or more participants is fluid. Get my chips from McDo, staff are disinterested and bored, well would you be if you had to work at McDonalds at Midnight on Friday. Girl coming through the door says “‘ello Darlin’” as I leave, her boyfriend goes “‘Ello Mate”.

Round the corner to the bus stop, wobbly pissed guy is waiting there, ermm, but he just asks me which bus he needs. I tell him. Bus takes a while, another group of people turn up to wiat for the bus, Eastern European I think, pissed guy also asks them about which bus to take and proceeded to tell them all about his fascinating work as an auditor. Fortunately the bus turns up quite soon after that.

It doesn’t get me all the way home, have a 10 minute walk after, well 20 in these heels, and it takes the effort of a 40 minute one. The well lit route home takes me past a few kebab and chicken shops. I keep harping on about my weight and complaining clothes don’t fit, but what did I go an do, stop in kebab shop for more chips, using the logic the last set where dinner and these are supper. Where has all my self control gone?

Finally home 1ish, was getting to be a struggle towards the end, these boots are not made for walking. Clean up and crash.

Saturday, lie in after Friday, what to do, well my nails are still bright red so I guess I better dress. Shaving hurts and makeup doesn’t go on as well (or is it that I’m doing it in bright daylight and can actually see it properly), use the Studio Sculpt sample as I feel I need something more fluid. Clothes are grey sweater with a hole in them, some white cords from Primark, tan cowboy boots and a black coat. Cords are too baggy, but I would be able to get into my skinny white jeans at the moment. Boots not right, the ones I wore to Riverside a couple of weeks ago would have looked better, but they are hard work, and even in the cowboy boots me feet are protesting a little. The look, with a black hat, is a little too contrasty and will stand out a little, but its fairly modest and practical, esp after Friday night. Photo is an old school on the stairs with a timer shot.

Out by lunch time, sun is shinning, miss train by 1 minute, don’t want to wait for the next and decide to find lunch in Islington. Must be somewhere new I think and what do I fancy, fish perhaps? Wax Jambo is a bar I haven’t been in before (it only a few months old), I’ve seen it packed on a Saturday night, but it looked quiet that lunchtime. Pop in, ah a short food menu and there’s fish finger sandwich at the top, yeah That’s lunch sorted.

Nice place, food portion is generous and service is with a smile, like the music and the décor is stylish but with a touch of eccentricity. Not sure I would want to be here in the evening when it’s packed though.

Down though Islington, nosying at the shops, Cop-Copine, Karren Millen, River Island and other expensive places. Not to buy, just to look. Only thing bought are some fat metaboliser pills from Holland and Barratt. But all this is not what I’m really looking for, Striplite has a big sister club, Festival of Sins, which is held in a bigger bar in Camden (mentioned above) and looks like there’s more on and more people. The next one is on Easter weekend, soon, and was thinking of going, but what to wear? The sin for the next one was Pride, so what’s Pride look like? The plan for today was to look for an outfit, or at least look for inspiration for an outfit. So where to go for that, Camden of course. Catch bus from Angel over to Camden Lock.

Yeah I’ve been to Camden loads, but it always changes a bit, and I still like it.

The development of the stables market is continuing, you can look around and see some of the new bits.

Though it does look a little new, commercial and forced, I think part of the charm was the slightly grubby 2nd hand nature of the place. Hope when the people and stalls get in there it will add life.

Wander around the new Cyberdog too, should I go Cyber to Festival of Sins? Nah not really me.

As I’m taking the pictures of the statues a tourist remakes to me, “They are tall, like you”.

Keep wandering around, Gothic Lotita again, there’s a really nice long frock coat (and it goes all the way to extra large) I could wear with a skirt and lacey blouse, but how is that Pride? In one of the Chinese places there a shinny silky black and red cheongsam dress, that perhaps, slit the skirt to the thigh and wear it with rubber or PVC opera gloves and stockings? Perhaps that might work. Though a skin tight dress around my stomach, hrmmm. Have to think about that one as well, perhaps something I can wear with a corset is required. Anybody got any suggestions?

As I’m finishing my tour of Camden, purchase free, weather turns nasty, starts to rain, go home perhaps, but need to do some food shopping, but M&S doesn’t have anything good in the meal for 2 for £10 section and its still quite early. Jump on another bus to the West End instead. They really should sort out the light phasing on Great Portland Street.

Oxford street again, really am touring the old haunts aren’t I. Pop to Soho and look for more Sin inspiration there? Nah those shops are a bit tacky, so just wander around a few on Oxford street. Think about getting those gladiator heels from Evans, but they don’t have my size in stock. Looks like shinny leggings are making a little comeback for spring, with over sized off the shoulder tops and waist belts, maybe it’s a look I can carry off.

Weather is getting worse, it even hails for a bit.

By the end of street my feet are hitting my tranny vertical limit (The amount of time in one week a T-girl can take walking in heels), now it time to go home, pass a original thinking busker who has a drum kit attached to his bike, grab veggie sushi from the Korean Grocer behind Centre Point and go find a bus. Bus is packed, Victoria line is down and it raining so everyone wants on. Bread, beer and butter from local shop and home. Boots off.

Think about going to Papillion for a minute, nah, had enough, tired, crack open a beer and put on a DVD and watch Angelina Jollies lips and cheekbones for a hour or two with my sushi.

Sunday, photos to sort out and cold makes its self know again, feel very tired, clock change make it worse, so Monday, tell work I’m working from home again. Started work at 7am so didn’t feel bad when I snuck out to do laundry in the late afternoon.

Next week, well there’s a couple of things I could go to on Friday, again, what’s with Friday at the moment, is it the new Saturday?

Friday, working from home, well “work”, actually all I did was sort out a couple of jobs and send a few emails, just to look busy. Dash out at lunch to get a mother’s day card and present and post them, can’t forget mothers day, not with my mother. Actually fill in the time when I should be working by washing up, taking out recycling and putting my little photo studio back together. My much used 24-70 f2.8 Sigma lens is getting worse, there’s something loose and it refuses to focus every now and then. Bah another thing that needs repairing. Swap to the 18-55 Nikon kitten lens.

Give up work entirely early afternoon and start getting ready, run bath and try to sort some of my jewellery, evil gnomes had snuck into my accessories bag and tied everything up in massive knots. Has to be gnomes, what else can do that? Broke one piece trying to detangle it all.

Bathe, shave, dress and makeup, takes a while. Still a few bruises around the eye that needed covering up, a smokey eye job is still required, but less brusing than the previous week. Lippy is the bold MAC New York Apple, think it works OK here as it contrasts the monochrome of the outfit. Had been planning to wear the jeans I got last week, but then felt I wanted to wear a skirt, find black denim mini that used to fit very generously. It doesn’t any more

Have a little photo shoot afterwards.

Those boots are the ones I got a few weeks ago, 4″ (I measured them) Stiletto heels, not agnoy inside the flat, but I wasn’t sure I could mange in them out, so went for a test walk. Just round the corner to the Newsagents for a bar of Galaxy. Managed, but it’s slow and inelegant and they are already managing to make their presence felt. Nope can’t cope with them all night, switch back to comfy old Next boots with 2.5″ block heel.

Wow times getting on, arrg nails, quickly slap a little almost clear pinky stuff on them. Damm, would of looked better with some darker stuff but that takes to much time.

Finally packed and ready and am out by about 10 to 7. Had to meet up at 8, but decide to give the bus plenty of time. As I leave the flat, see the right bus, damm, by the time I’m at the stop it’s gone, bah again. Wait for next one.

Another arrives eventually, not quite right one so have to change later, when i get on the right one crawls to the West End, but I’m still there with 20 minutes to spare. Comfy old boots work better, I can strut, always feel much more confident when I can walk quickly. Tour a couple of shops, into the Trocadero, into Claires accessories, well they have mirrors, check, yes face still on, looks OKish, lets get going.

Oh haven’t said why I was here, Jess Hart organised a meal via Angels, sort of like the month before, but this time on Friday and a little less formal, no booking etc. Originaly it was going to be a small group, but by Friday 8 or 9 people said they where coming.. We had arranged to meet at in front of Boots in Piccadilly Circus. Got there 10 minutes early, no problem had to get some Mascara anyway. Get phone call from Louise, she and Saffy where going to be late Trying to do girl voice on the phone in public, little tricky, but it’s the West End on Friday night, nobody really cares.

Spot Jess as I’m queuing to pay. She’s look very smart and must be getting thinner every time I see her, whereas I’m getting fatter and scruffier. We wait out side, its gone 8 and its just the 2 of us are here. But Olga and Natalie turn up in a bit, the others have/do call/text to say there also running late. Standing around we are kind of obvious, the old tranny rule of “Chance of being clocked is proportional to the number in the group squared” is in effect. We decide to find somewhere to eat, and let the others meet us there, check a few places, but there are full, but Boulevard Dinning Room on Old Compton Street looks OK and we can see there are empty tables, so we decide to chance it.

But it turns out the empty tables are booked, and there will be 8 of us, restaurant ums and errs, but they reckon they can find us a table, but we will have to wait. We get a drink in the bar and wait. Have to wait quite a bit. The others turn up in the mean time, Louise, Saffy, Alison and Kimberly all make it, that’s pretty much everyone. It’s pretty much the same people who went last time even the restaurant is almost opposite the one we went to last time. Dunno what it was this time though, finding it hard to talk and am a bit quiet. The others are making up for it though.

Table, ready, finally, (think the people on it where kicked off after paying their bill) The rather flamboyant and very gay waiter leads us in, we are all Ladies and Darlings. Nibble some bread for a starter, still feeling fat and had the Eggs Royal of the light menu for the main course. It’s not bad but the Hollandaise sauce is not quite hot enough. Oh Hollandaise, this was supposed to be a light meal and that’s all butter Have to use the ladies, hear a noise as I leave the table. When I get to the cubicle, realise the button on my skirt is missing that’s what the noise was. OMFG I’m so fat, this skirt used to be almost falling off me, sob, sob. When I get back to the table Jess had recovered my button. Have to sew it back on. Also have to never eat again.

No one wants dessert, thank gawd. Was a nice meal, everyone seemed to like the food and conversation didn’t flag (apart from me) and I think in general it was a success. Food, wine, not to bad (cept the sauce I guess) and quite reasonable for Soho on a Friday night. Must have been nearly 11 by the time we had finished though.

Not the end. Louise had found another club to go to via her Facebook contacts, called Code. It’s a Lesbian club, on Brewer Street, nearby. Jess, Olga and Natalie called it a night, cya again some time girls, but that left Louise, Saffy, Kimberly, Alison and yours truly to go clubbing. Find the place, its not hard and entry was reduced, cause Louise added us all to the Facebook group, thanks Lulu. Actually I only intended to stay for half an hour or so, just for a look see, but it sort of turned out differently.

Upstairs it’s a bar, busy but not absolutely packed, 95% female, what do you expect Nice cocktails too.

Couple of people we know turn up, Monica (the organiser or Corset and Diamonds) and a friend (sorry, forgotten her name, me bad) but they are doing a flying visit, handing out flyers to their new Thursday night club, (Clubbing on a Thursday! for the young I guess) but they do stop to chat. For a bit, Monica has to quickly relearn to drive for a Job, yikes, in London! I’m starting to think she’s a bit mad (but in nice way). Other face I’d seen before is the famous Karol Cross think Alison knew her and invited here down, she’s looking very very glam.

Move around into the back of the Bar, one of the male bar staff, another rather flamboyant and very gay guy, is eager to please, he seems a little curious about us. Yes we (well me) do stand out a bit, but no one seems to mind.

Had a few drinks by now, music was coming though the floor and it was time for a little boogie. The upstairs bar was starting to empty out a bit anyway. Down the stairs and around the corner, ahh this is where everyone went, smallish room with 2 sort of sections to it with some alcoves, a bar, a DJ booth and mirror balls on the lowish ceiling. Oh and what must be over a hundred young, almost entirely genetic female, people dancing their socks off. Well I have to join in

Gets rather warm and I have to take my jacket off. Didn’t want to do it, tee shirt has almost capped sleeves and my pale blokey arms on show, but its was just too hot. I do stand out, I’m just about the only one in a skirt, am the only one wearing loads of makeup and am pretty much a head height taller than anyone else, plus I generally look like a man means a big neon “Tranny” sign hangs over my head. But as I said before, none seems to mind to much, get a few little looks and smiles, and a couple of girls sort of dance with me for a few seconds or so, but mostly I’m just left alone in the corner. Accepting enough.

Saffy, Kimberly and Karol all move down to the dance floor and join in too, think they get a more positive reactions. Try to chat to Karol, but the music is too loud, can’t hear a word she said But the music is good and the DJ very well animated, jumping around and waving her hands in the air getting keeping everyone moving. I jump around like a loon to a danced up version of a Kelly Clarkson hit.

Switch to Vodka Redbull to try and keep going. They don’t have sugar free Redbull :(. Realise I’ve lost my jacket, panic, ask at the bar, look around, eventually find it on the floor. Have to have a breather. As I stand in a corner, a girl asks me to move, nicely, she has to get her drink which she had left on the floor behind me. She’s taller than most, slim, black tee shirt, black jeans, long black hair in a pony tail, good dancer, pretty face, actually I’d been noticing her all night. She compliments me on my tee shirt, I try to return the compliment, saying I liked her eyebrows. Which is true, I did like them, they where really well shaped. But it was a rather odd thing to say, she smiled and thanked me anyway. Didn’t speak to her again. Me being useless with people as normal.

Lasers come on and I’m still dancing. I love laser beams.

But by about 2:15 I’m flagging and the bar had ran out of Red Bull, say my goodbyes to the Angels and go back upstairs for a pit stop. Blot face to stop shine and check hair, the camp bar man from earlier approaches me and asks about how I get my legs like that. Walk 10 miles a day I reply (which is true 4 or 5 days a week). He doesn’t like the idea of that.

Out into the night, its 2:30 by now, have to get home, bit cold, but I have a vodka jacket on. Turn down offer of a cab and go to try and find a night bus. Do get some attention as I walk though Soho, but mostly the sort of reaction a blonde in a mini skirt walking alone at night gets from slightly drunk men, just ignore them. Car, silver Audi, slows down by me on Shaftsbury avenue, but I think they get close enough to see my face, they speed up quickly after that. Walking at night alone, not sensible, even in Soho.

It’s Bloomsbury when I decide to wait for a bus, well they where on division and I wasn’t 100 percent sure they where stopping at the nearer stops. Have to wait for a while, my bus, no where insight, but one that will take me nearly home turns up. Sod it, get that.

Jump off on Essex road, shortcut through the park? No stick to main streets. Stop for chips at a Kebab shop, remember skirt button, really shouldn’t have. Turn towards home, black cab pulls up by me, driver asks if I need a cab. Didn’t have his light on and a black cab touting like that, suspicious. OK I’m being paranoid, but its better safe than sorry, so I ignore him. I’m only 15-20 minutes from home anyway.

Do a little shortcut, but its though a really quite nice posh area in Canonbury and it feels safe. As I get to this little square, realise I can’t hear any traffic, just my boot heals and the birds. Stop walking, wow, a full chorus of bird song is going on, and there’s no other sounds, no traffic, no people, no phones, no sirens, no alarms, no aircraft, just mother nature singing away. It was ever so slightly magical.

But I don’t stay to long, its late, I’m tired and the Vodka jacket is almost worn off. Back on my way , nearly home now, finished the chips, have to cross street, odd man talking to him self 20 yards behind me, around the corner and home. Phew. Its 3:30am That’s a long one for a Friday, by the time I’m cleaned up and stuff its 4, crash. Then work calls me a 5am when they shouldn’t have.

Saturday, wasn’t really up till gone 11, couldn’t do another Helena day, had sort of mentioned to Jess I might catch her in a club on Saturday night, but that was in the Restaurant, I didn’t expect to be up so late, decide to have an early night instead, and stay in Ian mode. How dull.

Do manage to get out the house, into town, but that was to take my camera and lens in to a Nikon pro shop. Both need fixing, and it could be 4 weeks before I get them back my Flickr stream is going to be quiet for a while. Pick up that skirt I couldn’t find in my size (14 now :() last week from Miss Selfridge though.

Sunday, couldn’t go far cause of work, but I could do girl if I stayed local, started to run the bath, but well there was this game I downloaded on Saturday night, Runes of Magic, a free to play MMORPG that’s a bit like World of Warcraft. Thought I would just have a quick play to see what its like while the bath ran, then, as if by magic, poof, that’s most of the day gone…. No Helena time But I did create a female mage character and wore a dress all day (well a virtual one). Game is OK, think I’m getting bored of it already though.

Next week, Facebook has provided me with a few places to go, Friday and Saturday nights, but I don’t have anyone to go with Might just be a saddo and go out alone anyway.

My employer is doing well at the moment, it’s in an industry that is fairly recession proof, but due to a commitment to reduced costs they where announcing redundancies this week. Fortunately I wasn’t one of them, in fact my whole department escaped unscathed. Not sure how though, I surf the web for 20% of my time there. Little bit of brick shitting went on though, esp as my given surname is at the wrong end the of alphabet and we where called into the managers office by name order. Job should be safe for a while. Oh and what, I have some spare cash near the end of the pay month, well, I suppose I could go for some retail therapy to recover at the weekend Well there was a couple of items I wanted anyway to finish off some outfits anyway.

By midweek I was starting really to need some Helena time anyway, hadn’t had any for 2 weeks, when I miss it, it does really sort of start to become a need, a drug? Or perhaps a detox of sorts, though a mental one (I tend to eat and drink more in Helena mode than Ian) it can be very relaxing and generate contentment, in a way it straightens me out in the head. It’s hard to explain. Saturday didn’t come fast enough. Though did have to see me brother and sister in law on Friday, they had news, I’m going to become an uncle (technically) again.

Anyway Saturday, was far too hairy, unpleasantly hairy, that had to all come off. Gash neck while I’m at it Wish I could get rid of the extra weight I’m carrying that easily though. Had to weigh my luggage before the holiday meant I had to step on the scales with it, yikes, big number I didn’t like, I was in boots and clothes, so they added a bit, but really I must be a stone overweight. Holiday eating may of made that worse too. That’s not going to shift its self

Makeup, the cut on my eye was healing, but it had all come out in a big yellow and purple bruises, do my best to cover it all up.

Doesn’t work out to bad I think. Clothes, was planning very down jeans and stuff, but a GG in a simple grey dress, black leggings and tan boots had caught my eye on Friday, changed mind, was going to emulate her, eventually find grey Jersey Dress that I can still get into (it stretches) and black leggings, add tan boots, grey legwarmers and a black coat. Think it works and although the dress is short and tight, the leggings and muted colours sort of detart it all. Hope it’s not to much for Saturday shopping. No proper photo’s this week, took everything (lights, backdrop etc) down for the holidays and hadn’t put it all back up, plus the big camera really needs to back to the shop, the flash is still buggered.

Ready by 10, early than expected, had an A plan and a B plan for the day, B plan was local shopping, Dalston and Camden, was going to do that if I was late getting ready and/or the weather was bad. But the sun was shining and it was still early, so plan A is a go, Lakeside shopping centre. Why, well why not, somewhere different really and had only been there once before, ages ago, and that was a flying visit in boy mode. Plus it completes the set, Bluewater, Westfield and now Lakeside

Couple of buses to Liverpool street station, actually needed to get to Fenchurch street and the bus should of gone further but seems to get in a jam, so jumped off. Decide to walk the rest if the way, wasn’t far was it…. Grab a coffee and pretzel from Pret and wander off. Lots of builders in the city at the mo. Very few litter bins though, have to carry my coffee cup around with me after I finish it.

Realise I don’t know the way, get a little lost, but then find Aldgate station, ah I know this, it looks a little different in daylight but familiar enough, just go down there, and turn right and it’s the Way Out club (see Trannying in the city has its uses), and beyond that there’s an arch under the railway where there’s an entrance to the station. Off I toddle, had checked train times one was going soon, should make it for the 10:50. Go past Charlie’s bar where the Way Out is held, hrrmm funny, it mentions club nights at the bar on Saturdays, but doesn’t mention the nature of the club. Round the corner, here’s the arch and er there’s no entrance. Oh, confused, I’m sure it was here. Must of got it wrong Spend the next 10 minutes wandering around trying to find the station, get there eventually, but miss that train I was after

There’s another train in 20 minutes, get my ticket (Just ask for lakeside and they knew the right station) and a copy of Glamour magazine from WH Smiths, well I’d forgot my book, plus its cheap, small, undemanding and it had a free bag with it Finally manage to ditch my coffee cup at the sandwich place.

Get on train, read mag, have a few seat to myself in the quiet coach (though that’s concept that doesn’t seem to be well understood by a number of people who are yakking away on their mobiles). It departs on time and trundles out of London towards Essex.

As the stops pass by the train fills up, finish mag, get slightly worried I might of missed my stop as I wasn’t concentrating, but no, here we are :).

Cross the bridge and enter through House of Fraser, not really my sort of place, but find a mirror, face still on though little drop of coffee on chin needs to be wiped off, hair messy though, give it a quick brush. Right look not entirely unpresentable now and confidence seems to be holding, so let’s get on.

Start to trawl the shops, Peacocks (Peacocks next to House of Fraser, how weird) summer lines coming in strong, but it’s all a bit colourful and skimpy. Miss Selfridge, oh I like that skirt, complex coated denim mini, not available in my size though. Vestry, what’s with that primary blue colour, its everywhere, it doesn’t suit anybody as far as I can see. River Island, that T shirt is nearly right, but only nearly. Barratts have those size 9 cowboy boots in the sale, should I, nah they are just to similar to one I already have. Evans, Black/gold Gladiator heels, very now (according to Glamour) and would fit me, but not sure what I could wear them with and it’s not really my look (Plus my toenails are in a state). Primark, oh a hat cheep dark grey trilby sort of thing that might go with a particular look, OK take it and get a cheep pink blouse for another outfit while I’m at it. All Saints, always worth a look, one day I might even buy some stuff there, hello All Saints and Primark in the same mall. Lakeside does have a bit of chavy reputation, but it has some upmarket stuff as well.

Back to the shops, Ah New Look, that’s what I came for, and yes they have that tan cropped leather(ish) jacket, and er oh dam I need the large don’t I. Try in on in the changing room, yes I really did need the large. Bought. On a role now, see Shoe Zone, cheapo size 9’s a plenty, some funky heeled shoe/boot/shoot type things for a tenner, fit OK, yeah I can use them.

Shopping bag collection is building up and I’ve only done half the mall. And I hadn’t had lunch yet. Fairly interesting place, bit older than the other big London Shopping centres, and you can see its faded a little, but its holding up, its not really that shabby and its got that odd mix of up and down market places I mentioned which is good for a tight arse like me. Sign of the times, a few places look like they have closed (Have Principles closed all their stores?), but only a few, the Mall in Watford near my work is starting to look like a ghost town in comparison. I guess these destination malls are surviving the crunch a little better than the local ones.

Reaction wise, well, I don’t really appear to be notice much, no comments I could hear, some laughter as people pass by, but they may of just been laughing at something else as I don’t here any associated remarks at my expense. A few looks to, but not that many, might just cause I appear to be the tallest woman in the centre. Generally acceptance appears to be high. Convinced wearing leggings helps, shiny tights get you noticed, flat opaque leggings don’t.

Thinking about lunch now and wander up into the food court, but it doesn’t appeal, it’s all mostly junk eaten off cardboard and its very crowded, decide I want proper sit down meal instead. Remember when I came here before there where some restaurants outside, by the lake (guess that’s why it’s called Lakeside) how do you get out there?

Wander about a bit more, miss the entrance to the lake, but do find Top Shop. Was really still on the look out for a tee shirt, it had to be skinny, white with a cool black design on it, a particular outfit demanded one, no can’t find one here, but those jeans look nice, black, denim but coated with something that makes them look almost like leather, skinny leg but with quite a high waist, in my size, and on the sale rail Try them on, tight (even the size 14 is tight sob sob), but not too tight, and I guess they are meant to fit like this . I can use these.

Take them to the checkout to pay, ah they where not on sale they where just on that rack cause they where the last ones left, oh. They are not cheap, Oh sod it, in goes the plastic. Bought.

Eventually find the way to the outside bit, but there’s a few more shops, Punkyfish, nice t shirt, but I’m not paying that much. Suzi’s wigs, have heard of this place, it has a reputation for being TG friendly, as I’m browsing a lady ask me nicely if I need help, obviously spotting my syrup, thanks but no, just browsing. Selection is wide, but it does seem to be a bit more glam (it’s a simple realistic daytime wig I really need) and is a bit expensive, so no new hair today.

Finnaly get to the outside bit. Yes they do have a lake

There’s a number of restaurants, mid to low chain places really, Bluewater and Westfield have a better selection, none grab me immediately, so wander by all reading the menu’s to see what’s what. As I’m reading the menu outside one of them, the Gourmet Burger Kitchen, an attractive girl is leaving, as she passes me she smiles and says “The food in there is fabulous”. Well I’m a sucker for a pretty face (and I have to say in this case, a great cleavage too) in we go. They had 4 different veggie burgers on the menu anyway, so it’s not like I’ll starve.

Turns out to be a good recommendation, staff are really attentive and nice, one waitress calls me darling and the food is pretty good too, lentil burger reminds me a bit of bubble and squeak though. Plenty of chips too, served in a bowl with a few scattered on the plate beside it. Think about this, was it they where just being generous, or where they just clumsy filly in the bowl, or was this a carefully designed physiological ploy to make you think they where being generous by serving a pre costed set amount in a bowl that is slightly too small. I think about trivial things like this to much sometimes, but then again chips seem to play non insignificant role in my Helena life

Oh full now, think I ordered to much food (couldn’t resist that side of Wasbi peas) dam and I was I complaining about my weight earlier. Leave reasonable tip, it is just a burger place, but the service deserved it. Fix lippy in the loo and back to shopping.

Jane Norman, didn’t find them earlier, they might have the right tee shirt, as the jacket I want to wear with it came from there, but no they don’t. But another place, virtually opposite called Republic does. Seems to be a sort of “designer” outlet, selling multiple over priced brands, but they did have this white tee shirt, with a black and glitter swirly bikerish design on it that includes the lettering “Death From Above” . Think that will work if I wear high heals

Think that’s my shopping done, have 5 carrier bags now, and feet are starting to protest. These boots are not that high really, but there’s just something about the fit that makes them hard work. But look over there, Hotel Chocolate, I can just get a little chocky for a treat before I go (er what is about being in Helena mode makes dieting almost impossible?). Get a little pack of 6 petite boozy raspberry chocs for my treat. And a dirty great Easter Egg. Last year I wanted a particular one, but when the day for Helena to buy it (A Thursday to be exact) they had all sold out When I saw it on the shelf I decided I wasn’t making the same mistake this year and so acquired the egg early.

Right that’s really enough, time to go. Find a couple of little places for photo’s on the way out first though.

Over the bridge to the station. It only has one platform, trains go both ways, unusual. The clouds in the sky look like the ones at the start of the Simpson’s and all I can hear is traffic noise from the motorways. Its not really a nice area is it, but I guess the idea of malls is you only have to look at the inside.

Thirsty, get drink from machine while waiting for the next train, it fizzes up when I crack the ring pull and half goes on the platform. Bother. Apart from that the train journey home was uneventful.

Back to London, its gone 4, time has flown, and feet hurt. Have to find a bus home in the direction of home, but don’t know where to get one, get a little lost but find a street going back to Liverpool Street, ah its much quicker this way. Young man asks me for directions on the way, I’m not able to help him much, don’t know that street. Gawd I’ve lived in London so long, but I still get lost in the City.

Back at Liverpool street, don’t want to walk much further, get water (was still thirsty) and a small portion of veggie sushi for dinner from M&S, trying to be good now. There’s a bus going the right way. Oh not quite the right way, have to back track a little at Angel and grab another one.

Nearly home, pick up a bottle of wine and some juice and some crackers (what did I say trying to be good) at a local shop before finally trudging home.

Phew, felt like a long day, but was only really out for 7 hours. Still reactions where good, sun shone, got my shopping, ate too much, can’t complain (OK I did a bit).

Feet up, watch DVD, open wine, think about going out again, fall asleep instead.

Sunday, laundry and extended clothing trying on session. OH I really need to shift some Kilos

Next week, dinning with Angels again

We only hit and run.

The flight was scheduled to depart at 7:50 am, and you are supposed to check in 3 hours before, and it’s at least an hour to Gatwick, add in contingencies, so that’s a 3:30 am start, ouch. Had Friday off work, ran around getting last minute bits and pieces and packing, managed to grab a little sleep, but not much.

Taxi is 5 minutes early, the journey is fast, no queue for check in, sarnie and pint at 5am, boarding is on time, isle seat next to two women, plane ready to depart and…. Half hour delay due to low level cloud at Innsbruck. Oh well. Listen to MP3 player.

It is only half an hour delay, flight departs, it’s a smooth flight and the woman next to me doesn’t want her breakfast and gives it to me We circle Innsbruck a couple of times (nice view) before landing and weeeee we are in Austria. Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming.

Hour and a bit coach ride and we are in Mayrhofen and yes holiday has really started Hotel is medium sized, quite traditional rooms really, room is just a single (yes holidaying on my own, how sad), rather small, but it’s on the 1st floor, and has a balcony with a view. Not a bad view either and the sun is shinning.

Spent the rest of day unpacking, taking pics, shopping and just getting the layout of the town, lift pass didn’t start till Sunday, no riding today.

Mayrhofen, not quite what I expected, but not unpleasant, lots and lots of hotels, cafes, sports and touristy shops, but still a few signs of being a real town underneath. Find the essentials, the lift station and the supermarket quite easily.

After the 4 course dinner in the hotel, I just lay my head down for a little rest, and boom out like a light. Must have been up, er not sure how many hours. Wake later in the night, try to get back to sleep, but can’t excited, snow day tomorrow, end up getting out of bed at 5:45 local time. Which is 4:45 UK, yikes.

Had heard horror stories about the queues for the main lift in Mayrhofen, and how you needed to be there before 8:30 at the latest unless you would be stuck for ages, so was determined to get an early start. Also there “might” of been a little giddy school boy/girl/woteva excitement going on

Breakfast buffet, need self control limit it to 2 courses, change into full robocop gear, get the board and walk to the lift. Er slightly early, 7:45am, eager beaver or what. Wait till 8 when it opens and get one of the first lifts up. Sun is shinning, but it’s been a cold night and the pistes are solid.

Nervously take board to bunny hill, ride the T-bar up the little slope to the top, strap in, deep breath, launch. Oh I still can snowboard try another 2 times, yes not a fluke, get bored with the bunny hill, take chair lift up the mountain and zoom down a red run, weeeeee, do it again

That’s enough for a warm up, go back to the area around the main lift, the Penkenbahn with the cafes’s and shops and most important, school meeting points. Snowboard lessons start at 9:30, feel good about it, hang around until. Oh the sun is getting up isn’t it and er oh, I’ve forgotten sunblock well you don’t need that at Milton Keynes snowdome, but on a sunny day on a snowy mountain, you really do, even if its sub zero, direct sunlight, plus light reflected off the snow can burn pale skin like mine real fast. Cadge some suntan cream of a British rider waiting for lessons like me.

Lessons start with a grading, three turns down the hill and the instructor points there, a few others are sent to join me inc 2 young Dutch girls who find my accent a little funny, most others are sent elsewhere. Looks like the group I was in where the ones turning fairly confidently, the others, er wheren’t. We are told to come back later for afternoon lessons while the rest get led off for a morning session.

Do a few more runs in the meantime, reds mostly, can’t find any nice blues, even find my way onto a black accidently, yikes, but make it. Have my new little W20 camera with me and take some pics. It seems to work well enough in the mountains, and a week of collisions, falls, snow and general abuse doesn’t seem to of hurt it.

Lunch, meat, sausage in fact, well there isn’t much veggie options on the mountain, it’s meat (mostly sausage or schnitzel) and carbs (pasta, bread or potatoes) mostly, so sort of abandon vegetarianism for the week. Me bad

Back to the school, another little grading session and we have our group, 3 Dutch girls (2 in their 20’s one in her 30’s), one English girl (20’s turns out to be a holiday company rep) one English guy, 40’s and er me (too old and presenting as male at the time). Nice balance I think (i.e. mostly girls). Our instructor was to be Mike (an Austrian actually) or “Spleeny” as he was sometimes know (he explain as it was due to the fact he had to have his spleen removed after a snowboard accident !!) and lessons where in English. Local lingo was German, but English signs and speakers where everywhere, which was odd as half the visitors to Mayrhofen where Dutch. Also some of the newer looking signs had Cyrillic lettering on them as well, signs of the increasing number of Russian visitors to the Alps.

Next 3 afternoons where in this group, rode on my own in the morning, had lunch, relaxed for a bit, had my lessons, did a couple more runs and retired, mostly.

First day, I seemed to be riding OK, bit kept colliding with people, but what can you do if people just stop in front of you. Also kept bashing my head on the safety bar of the lifts, ouch, would been big ouch if I wasn’t wearing a helmet. Snow in the afternoon sun went a bit slushy. Get shown Red 7, a great run.

Similar on Monday, though less collisions now, guess I got lucky (or just expected skiers not to see me) and less head cracks. A couple of tumbles, not much. Mike showed us a nice wide blue, not many of them in Mayrhofen, and got us to practice carved turns. These are fast turns where you ride right on the boards edge, both contact points following the same track leaving a pencil line in the snow, the board’s sidecut turning you, no skidding or sliding, just quiet and fast (and mostly importantly, really cool looking).

Thing I got these, mostly, just get speed, lean over, balance and let the board do its stuff. Actually I think my board was flattering me, it virtually carved itself, and picked up speed while it was at it. Bit to much speed some times…

Tuesday patchy low cloud around the hill, little snow flurries happening too. Fog banks move around, could suddenly find myself in cloud, barely able to see the piste, poor light makes reading the bumps hard, have to ride by feel sometimes, lessons about weight on the front foot and bending knees make a lot of sense in these conditions. After a quick turn on a black, and a leg burning run to another cable car, we where taken up to another part of the mountain, wow bright sunshine, we are out the cloud, flat ski way (my board can run fast and flat, make it easier), wow another really wide blue, more carving practice. Let rip, go ballistic, past the instructor, little fall on one run, but mostly good. Then its over to a red that runs parallel, looks steep, but that looks like a flat after it, build up speed, lots off, launch into a turn on the flat, er its not, and its bumpy, its too bumpy, loosing control… bang , edge catch, flipped over, land on my back, banging head. Shit.

Body armour and helmet take the worst, I don’t loose consciousness, sit up and give the thumbs up to the rest of the group smiling. But it had shaken me quite a bit, some confidence gone. Slow down a lot now, don’t put in turns on the steeps.

Way back from this section of the mountain is nasty, Red 16 I think, flats, narrows, steeps. Even some up hill, all across a ridge line, no safety fence either. Scares me, decide not to visit this part of the mountain again. Falling leaf the final steep bit like a newbie.

Back on the chair by the black 18, the Harakiri, Austria’s steepest groomed run. The top and bottom of this are fine, even rode across it myself, but OMFG the steep bit. Not doing that. No way. Ride this lift a few times during the week, see plenty of people falling on it, loosing skis and all sorts.

Down the last run of the day, Red 3 I think, make down, not to fast, girl on our course falls, just before the ski way that lead back to the main area with the gondola, I ask if she’s OK, fine she says she is and I continue, put in a sharp heel side turn to line my self up into the centre of the little skyway, she runs into the back of me, falling again. Didn’t know she was there, sorry Apologies all round.

Was my last lesson, confidence was a little shot, but I think I learnt something. Buy whole group drinks, twice, for putting up with me, turns into a little après sessions, my only real one of the week. It was nice and a good way to end up the lessons. Huge queue for the lift back down though.

Walk back to hotel, change, beer on my balcony, evening meal and crash, waking up late at night. Had been doing this all week so far, couldn’t keep awake in the evening, not a great sleeping pattern. Managed to get out for a short while one, was a bit of rain, took the D80 for some night pics.

Wednesday, up the other mountain, fatigue was getting to me now, up a bit later and got the bus to the cable car. Well it was the cable car to the other mountain and it was a bit further. Weather was cloudy, but as the cable car went up we broke through the clouds into sunshine.

The other mountain, the Ahorn, wasn’t was busy as the main Penken, but it had far fewer runs. Also up high it was a bit bit bleak, windy and desolate. The one big blue run at the top was hard corduroy and my confidence was low, but after a few runs it came back a bit and some carves where laid down, but what’s with its the chair lift with the no foot rests? Tried one of the reds after, oh steep and , but manageable, chair back up was an ancient 2 seat nondetachable. Few more runs on the blue and I’d had enough of the Ahorn, its limited. But I have to say, the views where really good.

Running down the blue, think sod this lets go back over to the Penken, will have to get to back to town first to get the Penkenbahn back up, no problem there’s a red all the way down. This was a long one, a nearly 1.4 km vertical and I don’t know how much horizontal. And it was work, either little narrows ski ways, often with no safety fence, the type of run I hate as they are to narrow for me (the wus) to put in proper turns and go slow, spend most of the time on one edge, calf burning. The other bits where wider, but black run steep, try to turn on them, but side slip a bit, more time on one edge. It’s exhausting, have to stop 3 times or so for a rest. Finally, town, and a gentle run in, total relief.

Actually I’m glad I did it, no it wasn’t “fun” but it was a challenge, and it felt really good to finish it, like I’d done something. And the view where pretty special too.

Walk back to town and get a beer and meat sandwich (there’s a great butcher opposite the Penkenbahn lift station) for an early lunch. Realise I’d missed the Ice bar, an igloo bar on the Ahorn, something I was going to have a look at, oh well, another day (or year, I couldn’t face riding down that hill again soon).

Do go up the Penken and ride a few more runs, but weather turns a bit, take more pictures. , I did run into a few girls from the course, but apart from a few pleasantries they really didn’t want to hang out, expected really, I was old enough to be one of their parents.

Right I’m not falling asleep early tonight, force myself to go out, alone, unfortunately. The Ice Bar by the Penkenbahn in packed, rammed, mad, girls are dancing on the bar, cheesy euro pop and tehcno’ed up folk tunes with oldies (Sweet Caroline OH OH OH, there are sing along bits to most of the tunes) are playing at high volume and everyone is in skiwear with a bottle of beer, out of there skull, Austro/Dutch Apres at its maddest. But it’s not that much fun alone and sober though. Move on, wander around the town, but end up in the Sports Bar just down the road, there’s a band on, just a couple of guys with guitars, playing covers, but they are pretty good and its worth staying for another couple of beers. More wandering, checking out what’s going on, ending up in the Scotland Yard, Mayrhofen’s “English” pub, bit weird really, it does look very pubby inside, most people are speaking English, drinking pints and even playing darts, but there’s Austrian lagers on tap and people can smoke! Only stop for one.

Back to the hotel, didn’t fancy trying the night clubs, especially since they go on to 4am, après seems to run from 3pm to 4am, some people spend more time partying and drinking than skiing and boarding in Mayrhofen. Hell some groups seem to even have Apres Ski “team” tee shirts and silly matching hats, having a drinking holiday not a snow holiday.

So that’s my night on the town, bit of a disappointment really, but that’s just because I’m sad. Get to bed later though and sleep though the night.

Thursday, tired, up a bit later, oh these are the queues at the Penkenbahn people talk about, not really to bad to be honest though, have to wait 15 minutes to get on. Weather had turned for the worst, more fog, and it was snowing, getting worse through the day. This plus fatigue and the confidence hits and I seem to have lost it a bit, riding is awful, side slip the steeps, have trouble getting up heelside, just don’t seem to do even basic turns well, try another bit of the mountain I hadn’t been to, but bah can barely see the slope. Early lunch, spag boll,

Try a simple blue after lunch, fall. Decide to head back, weather isn’t getting better. Only way back is a blue ski way, don’t like, fall, then it goes flat :(, board off, walk carrying it, dejected. Last run, Red 3 back to the top of the Penkenbahn, ride it slow and scrappy. It’s not even 2 and I’d had enough.

But a Hot Chocolate with Rum and wipped cream (”Lumbumba” I think they call it) in the bar works a little magic, it’s a great pick me up. Go out for a couple more runs, little better, but still not great. The cloud is very low and the snow is coming down in buckets by now, its getting hard to see, so one more Lumbumba, and its back down to town quite early. Do some more shopping, byt some 80% Rum minatures for my work colleagues and a model Piste Basher for my Newphew. Crash again right after dinner, energy state zero. Sleep all night.

Friday, last day on the piste, feel much more energised, been fresh snow over night, even in the village, get up early and am on the piste by 8:30 to get the fresh stuff.

Cept the cloud hasn’t moved, another bad visibility day And my riding still sucks. But a few more runs on that wide blue and some clearing of the cloud and it all starts to work again, yeah I can do this, feels much better, ride and ride and ride, blues, reds and even a black. Get slightly off piste at one point, and stuck, have to walk out, not far but my binding has jammed, managed to unjam it later, but its still dodgy, need to go back to the shop

Lunch is late, past one, been riding for hours with just a hot chocolate break, have the classic Autrian dish of goulash soup with bread for lunch, with some extra chips cos I’m famished.

Right I can do it now, time to hit the park. The Vans Penken Park, with the jumps and rails. I’d told myself I’m going to go here, and its Friday afternoon, it’s now or never. Snow is falling and visibility is bad now, it’s even a little hard to find the beginner section of the park, the “fun” section, there’s also the “Public” section with the big jumps and the rails you have to jump on, ad the “Pro” section with the OMFG jumps and rails.

Couple of rides throughs with wobbles and I think I know where stuff is, try a ride on box first, hit it, but fluf the landing, try another, get the angle wrong, slip and ride it on my knees, try a little jump, but too slow, slide back down it without cresting it. Dam. Next run, that big box, hit it square and stomp the landing, woot, I have slain the park Well not quite, I have to do a jump don’t I, have the wrong angle for the 2nd box, but get over to that little jump with far more speed, climb it and do a little pop on the lip and……

I don’t remember what happened next.

Next thing I remember, groggily, was being helped onto the back of a snowmobile, someone telling my glasses lens was in my pocket. Don’t remember the ride much (pity I’ve always want a go on a snowmobile) but remember felling better by the Gondola station (not the Pekenbahn, another one that went to a different village) but the people insist I’m strapped into a stretcher. It’s a comfortable ride down in the stretcher though. An ambulance picks me up at the lift station, they wheel me into the back, still in the stretcher, take my blood pressure and ask me to fill in my name and address. Fully conscious by now and wondering what the fuss is all about. They inform me I will have to pay 85 euros for the Ambulance ride, I don’t have the money on me, but they say I can pay it later. I’m dropped off at a doctor surgery. A doc sees me and attaches a gauss to just above my right eye. Get the first look at myself, there’s a few cuts and bruises but its doesn’t seem to bad.

Doctor says I should now go on an ambulance to Maryhofen to get a skull X-ray, but I wasn’t having it. I felt fine, though thinking about it later, I must have been out cold for a few minutes to even have been picked up by snowmobile. Perhaps I should of, but so far so good, no headaches or delayed concussion, think I’m OK

I guess I must of landed on my head (how?), with my goggles forcing my glasses into my face. This is why I have the cuts there and why the lens had popped out and the frame is twisted. The frame is titanium, it takes some force to twist it.

They had already called an Ambulance to take me to Mayrhofen, but I declined and sent it away. They did charge me 70 euro’s for the examination and the gauss though. That nearly cleaned me out., dam only 10 euros left, in a village I didn’t know, my snowboard was back at the life station and time was getting on. Oh and I had to be on a bus at 7am the next day to get home, so no going back tomorrow. ..

Only choice walk back to the lift station, so I paid the doc, took a couple of sweets from his bowl on the counter and got on shank’s pony. I had some rough directions and a map, but well after about 10 minutes was convinced I was going the wrong way, was, turned around, back 10 minutes, see a sign to the lift station, follow it, another junction, no sign, ask at a shop. Woman in shop speaks English and points they way, but says its 2km, and there’s a ski bus that will take me there. Walk a little, but times still getting on, its go 4 now, and the station will close at 5 plus I have to get back to Mayrhofen, but ah, bus stop, and the time table says there a Ski bus at 4:10. Cept there isn’t, well at 4:12 there isn’t anyway and I’m a getting a little agitated.

Young woman passes by me on the way to a local shop, she’s carrying a video camera and recording everything, don’t know why, guess she’s just making a holiday video. After she comes back out of the shop she says “Hello” to me (I must just look English) and asks if she could film me, guess I was still a little befuddled, so I agree, she asks where I got my injury and I explain the sorry tail.

Think she takes pity on me after that, she goes other to some people nearby, 2 guys, her friends I guess, if they can give me a lift to the gondola station, they agree, it’s not far and they have a big Volkswagen 4×4. Turns out the group are the Prague and they have driven down to Maryhofen for Skiing and boarding. They are all young, 20’s I guess, but seem well off and speak good English. They drive me right there, no worries, I offer them 10 Euros for their trouble that last 10) but they refuse the money and bid me on my way. Normally I wouldn’t ever get in car with strangers, but I guess I thought I was desperate (though actually the bus did turn up later) and she was quite pretty (and blonde) and they all appeared genuine. Strangers aren’t all bad. Many Many Thanks to the Czechoslovakian 3.

At the Gondola station I’m told to go up stairs, and the lifty brings my board out from a rack around the back, phew huge relief. And there’s the bus back to Mayrhofen. All back in one piece. Again big big thanks to everyone who helped me after my self inflicted missadventure.

Still a bill to pay though, not enough euros and no cards (my debit card had been cancelled the week before due to the bank detecting it had been “compromised”, didn’t loose any thing though). Did have an emergency stash of pounds though I’d got out of my savings just in case. Store board in the hotel’s ski room, change and back out, its half 5 now. Hotel reception changed some of the pounds into Euro’s and gave me directions to the Red Cross station. Turns out not to be far, hand over the cash for the ambulance bill. Didn’t know you had to pay for this sort of thing in Austria, I can claim it all back on Travel insurance, but that’s some forms to fill in

That’s it all sorted, end of holiday, little misadventure at the end, I would of rather made the jump and left in triumph though. Had a bunch of Euros still, well I needed a beer, so stopped in the supermarket, get beer, oh and some chocolate and some apple schnapps and some crisps, hang the diet.

Also buy a dress, Helena reflexes kicking in now the snowboarding has come to an end, snowboarding, when I’m riding, consumes me, the only thing I can think about when riding is the snow and the next turn, this is one of the reasons I do it, but off the board, well old habits are hard to break.

A shop near the hotel was selling these traditional Tyrolean dresses for 39 Euros, much cheaper than anywhere else in the village and I though it would be cute to get one for dress up. I explain “It’s for a friend” to the lady in the shop, not sure she believed me and I walked out with one. Didn’t try in on of course. Mistake, confusion of euro sizes, mean when I tried it on later in my room, it didn’t fit, too small no time to take it back either Oh well, I guess the luck all sort of balances out good and bad.

Drink my beer, pack my board, eat my last hotel dinner, have a big dessert and crash, though just remember to set alarm for silly O’clock beforehand.

Saturday, change dressing on wound (I’d packed a first aid kit just in case), a real shiner of a black eye is developing, big bruises, but the cut is healing, it shouldn’t scar (gawd I hope it doesn’t).

Last hotel breakie, final pack, check room, wave good bye to the mountains and it’s on a coach at 7am (6am UK time, yikes again).

Innsbruck airport is tiny and boring, spend last few coins on a beer. Plane isn’t delayed and we are back into the UK for lunch. Baggage reclaim, all there, shuttle, Gatwick express, tube, final trudge home. Flat is as I left it, police sirens can be heard in the distance and the weather is grey, home. No snow, no mountains Dash out to shop for supplies, get junk food and a bottle of wine, eat junk, drink wine, crash out for 14 hours.

Sunday, nice lady in Specsavers fixes my glasses and I watch the Watchmen (which ain’t bad).

That’s the mountains done for 2009, only MK (oh and Hemel soon) for my snow fix, till 2010.

Normal service will be resumed next week, assuming my eye has heeled up enough.