Getting ready Saturday morning, phone rings, I’m in the bath, and the phone is in another room, bugger. Get to it, sopping wet, just as they ring off, voice mail, work, quick chat with the operator, turns out they shouldn’t of called me anyway, not my area, another person’s. Yeah it was going to be one of those sorts of weekends, I hate being on call. Weather looked awful, little tee shirt and summery Ra Ra skirt I had planned wouldn’t suit, rethink, ended up in shorts, an old sweater, brown tights and comfy boots. Virtually copied the look of a GG saw earlier in the week, cept different patterned tights. Same belt and bag as last week Hrmm, not sure about it all, about that, perhaps I should stop copying the outfits of girls young enough to be my daughter. Still it should be comfortable, and shorts are still in.

Experiment with gels on the flashes for a change, end up with a yellow gel on the right hand SB800, different, subtle? To much?, not enough?

Looks cold out, and might rain, get coat and hat, mucho noodling about means its 11:30 when I finally get outside. A Bus stops right in front of me, must be the right one for Dalston, cause its single decker, don’t check the number. Except it isn’t, it heads off into Islington, wrong direction, oops. Get off, get Starbucks and decide to just walk it.

Was payed on Friday, that, plus some spare cash lefy over from last month and my annual bonus meant I had a pretty penny burning a hole in my pocket. Darted into town on Friday night and picked up a couple of lenses (12-24 F4 and a 24-70 F2.8, used the later for the pics) and a new laptop, an ickle cute EEE 900 (oh they have just released a 901, I read afterwards ) .  The EEE is so small it will fit in a handbag, got the black windows XP version. Bang goes any of my geek cred, Windows not Linux well I have some windows software I want to run on it, and to be honest I don’t generally have problems with XP, it just sort of works for me.

But I still had a few quid left after those toys, and Helena needs shoes, well no strike that, Helena just wants shoes especially some really outrageous ones, but a few pairs of nice walkable ones could be useful too. Had seen Priceless (Ohh nothing but the best eh, well Jimmy Choos don’t come in my size so there) had some quite nice ones on thier web site, all in size 9, so decided to check them in store, and the nearest store was Dalston.

But they don’t have any size 9’s at all at that store apparently Wander around the other shops, do get a nice sweater in Peacock and a cardi (Ok I’m getting old) in Matalan (remember the card for  a change).

Keep walking, for the outrageous shoes, best placed looked like Doreen’s in Leyton, they had a number of impractical stripper/drag queen platforms on their web site:), follow the road the bus takes (mostly, couple of wrong turns), but buses seem a bit rare, decide to just keep walking, rain is holding off.  Maybe a mistake, walking through Hackney I get a bit more attention, laughter and some name calling from a passing car and van, bloke exclaims loudly “It’s a fakin geezer”, stares etc. Drops the mood a bit. 

But make it to the park by the river Lee (or that Lea?). Practically deserted, and the grass was cut recently, it’s all very green and pleasant and quite pretty really. I guess the dodgy weather has scared most off. Take a photo.

One slight problem with all that cut grass and the recent rain, the cuttings starts to stick to my (synthetic) suede boots, need to sit on a bench and clean it all off with tissues nicked from Starbucks.

Take some more photo’s under the bridge, it’s a bit crusty and graphitised, interesting bit of urban decay going on.

There’s still no sun but its getting warm now, still a bit of a way to Doreens, bus turns up, yeah why not. Doreens are eager to please as usual, and get the usual buttering up. But they don’t have the exact pair I saw on the web I wanted (black and perspex) in the shop, try a couple of other pairs, end up with an all black 6″ peep toe strappy platforms.

Subtle, no, practical, no, tasteful, no, fashionable, no, trashy YES and actually a lot easier to walk in than you would think, I’ve got 3″ courts that are harder. Have an outfit all planned to go with them, pink, accessorised with chunky back plastic, all trashy tranny tart tastic. Saving that one up for my birthday

As itd got so warm ,take off the coat and hat, touch up face and head up to Walthamstow, as there’s another branch of Priceless. And they do have size 9s One pair fits nicely, medium heel, double strap, actually quite comfortable, £9, sold nowt else fits as well though.  Since Priceless is in the shopping centre, it would be rude not to have a look around the other shops wouldn’t it Find a lacy white dress and some black leatherette jeans in Applesnow, jeans are on sale £2! Dress isn’t my usual style, but I think it could be used as part of a Magic Theatre outfit, one thats going just that little bit sissy, yikes, well its is a dressing up night, might as well go OTT

Dollis shoes are having a closing down final sale (they are even selling off the racks), find some size 9 white stilettos, fit OK, but not really what I was looking for, ask how much though, £4 they reply, well I have to at that price don’t I. Keep going, down into the market, yet another closing down sale, red fishnets, 50p you say, might as well, will think of something to wear them with later. These closing down sales are all well and good for a bargain, but it doesn’t bode well.

Ok Shopped out by now, 2 tops, 1 dress, 1 pair tights, 1 pair trousers and 3 pairs of shoes, good haul. But it’s a lot to carry, plus time was getting on and I hadn’t eaten yet. Although good for bargains, food options in E17 seemed to be mostly Burger King or KFC or the like, not what I fancy (limited veggie choice and they don’t serve wine), so tube back towards town.

Dump shopping at home, touch up the face and head out again. Am hungry now, its 5:30 and all I’ve eaten all day is a pain au chocolate and have walked miles. Return to GU Islington, well actually its the first time I’ve gone in Helena mode, but guess it will be OK. It’s usually quite there in the during the day anyway. Order their rather good Falafel burger and a glass of wine and find a cosy corner to start my new book. Kingdom beneath the waves, mentioned it before I think, anyway, it’s a cracking read, a must if you liked the Court of the Air. Polish off the wine, the burger and a few chapters of the book, and go, barman waves good bye. Actually he was nice, good service and called me Darling, twice (OK is that sexist? but what the hell, I liked being called Darling).

Actually start to realised since I took the coat and hat off the number of looks had reduced and no negative comments have been heard (The girls in Doreen’s praised my legs though, but they do know how to butter up a customer). Dunno, did the jacket emphasise my shoulders to much? Was the hat just wrong or what, or is it that I was in more accepting area’s or just got luckier with the people who saw me. Answers on a post card.

Feeling pretty good now, nice people, food and wine upped the mood and I sashayed off down to Angel. Did the shops, automatic reaction really, but was pretty much shopped out by then, really had to go to the super market though, no food in the flat as usual. Was actually looking at the clothes in M&S (as I said earlier, I’m getting old), but spot Chardonnay on offer (and in the chiller) in the food hall, settled, food shopping to be done here. Still think there range of low calorie veggie/fish ready meals is inferior to Tesco’s though.  Bus home for a change, not.

Evening fun, no, on call still just eat, drink, surf, play a little Conan, early night

Sunday, work calls again, and again and again, various system need baby sitting Watch Kinky Boots for the first time, fun, a little bit of dramatic license from the original story, a bit fairy tail really, but as I said, fun. Jenny Sand, whom I was at the pictures with last week, was an extra in it, tried to spot her in the club scenes, but I failed. Am in Ian mode all day, but wear my silly new shoes while I watch the film, as seems like the right thing to do Notice they have Made in England on them…
(Don’t think they where actually from the factory the film loosely based on)

Bath after the film, won’t be any calls at this hour. WRONG! do they have a camera in my bathroom? Manage to reach the phone this time, oh more things for me to do Late night, oversleep bit late for work on Monday, but the boss doesn’t appear to mind, systems are running.

Next week, birthdays, oh joy
 

Saturday, what to wear, what to wear, floaty summer dress bought last week, no, not right, might rain anyway, ended up in a polo neck (how unusual), tiny denim mini, denim jacket, and big brown boots. It looked good, well I think it did anyway, but not exactly practical, the skirt was just too short, and it rode up a bit when I walked making it even shorter, modesty was preserved a bit with almost opaque tights and if worst came to the worst, big pants, but I’m going to be pulling the skirt down all day, and those pretty boots kill my feet after a couple of hours. Oh to top it off I’d put the D cup forms in instead of the usual B’s. Can’t go out like…. Oh sod it, yes lets. Vain top heavy tranny in a tiny skirt and too high heels, stereotypical or what. Well I did the nondescript combats and stuff last week.

Set the camera very low and angle upwards, that plus a wide angle lens, elongates the legs, bit of a cheat really, I’m not really that leggy.

Meal and night at the pictures with the Roses was planned for later, but what to do in the mean time, that preferably didn’t involve to much walking, well there was a couple of shops I wanted to hit, especially Top Shop to see that Helmut Newton Photo machine thing OK should be able to manage a little walk around Covent Garden and Oxford Street, so out we go. But first nails, the girls I’m off out with always have great nails but mine always look like crap cause I do them myself, badly, so wanted to get them done properly, but where, well could always get them done in the West End, but that’s expensive and you sometime need an appointment, so local? Bit of a risk perhaps? (unaccepting? Outing myself?) but I’m in the Oh Sod it mood, so totter off to the local nail bar.

They don’t really blink when I ask for a manicure, they have a couple of customers in, but I only have to wait 5 minutes before they can do me. Nice girl trims my cuticles, files my nails, massages my hands and paints my nails. It’s a nice experience being pampered, it felt very feminine, and comfortable, and definitely worth a tenner. Detect no problem with me being TG (though she mostly spoke Cantonese to her colleague so I don’t know what was said) and she even compliments me on my figure. So after paying and thanking them, I cross the road to take a picture of the shop. When I’m putting the camera away find I’d smudged the varnish my thumb nails getting the camera out the bag, they had had the fast dry spray on them and been under a drier for 10 minutes, they where dry to touch, but not cured yet. Doh!!! You are supposed to leave them for at least 15 minutes aren’t you, stupid me. So back to having crap nails again as usual

Get packed bus to Covent Garden. Have my little nerd around Forbidden Planet and get the new Appleseed DVD, browse around a few shops, I like but can’t really afford (Diesel, Miss 60), plus MAC and a few others before ending up in the Bunker Bar bellows Neal’s yard for lunch. Hadn’t been quick about getting ready, so it was getting on now, hungry, the only thing on the menu that appealed was fish and chips, bit too big a lunch, but Oh sod it. After lunch read a few chapters of the book, with a glass of wine.

Did a few more shops after that, feet where letting me know in advance there was going to be trouble later and I think one of the gel pads I had put in had folded up and become uncomfortable. Went into Liberation technically a fetish wear dealer, but done out as an upmarket Covent Garden designer boutique, not a seedy sex shop, interesting, one of these days I’ll end up buying a rubber outfit and go to a fetish club, just to see what its like, but not this weekend.

Continuing on the Fetish theme, walked around the corner and up the street to Coffee, Cake and Kink It’s a coffee shop come fetish art gallery and its also known to be quite welcoming to the transgendered. I do like the fetish aesthetic, and some of the photography is fabulous, (plus I like dressing up in shinny tight outfits) but the whole BDSM thing isn’t really me. Unusual, the place, the staff and the customers (mostly normally dressed 30+ middle class, couple of younger gay guys, one guy 55+) all have the art gallery look to them, its just the material on display isn’t what you would normally get.

I (Like every other customer I guess) mentioned the steps (not stairs) down to the basement gallery (there where no seats left upstairs), they are nearly vertical and quite difficult in heels (glad they don’t serve alcohol, they would be lethal after a couple of glasses of wine), It’s a listed building the woman serving replies and they can’t fit better stairs, but I do get to have a better view of your legs … 2nd compliment of the day from a GG, maybe this OTT outfit isn’t to daft after all

Plonk my self on a sofa in the basement gallery, they bring my coffee and cake (glad I didn’t have to carry it down), big cafetiere of coffee and a slab of walnut and sultana cake. Oh and it’s good, very good. Sit on a big sofa, sip my coffee and nibble my cake with another couple chapters of my book in the slightly surreal surroundings. Find the twisted gel pad in my boot and remove it. Couple of the customers notice me, a woman watches me out of the corner of her eye, older gentle man says something about the contact phone numbers in TV TS news I was flicking though (that little photocopied booklet you can find in a few shops around town, I’d picked up a copy in Liberation), apparently they never answer the phone, er not really my scene I reply (true, it isn’t). Back to CC&K, It certainly an interesting little place, and the coffee and cake is very good (not cheap though), certainly makes a change from Starbucks. I would never really go there as Ian, it would be dunno, pervy?, but going as Helena, in a tiny skirt, somehow seemed more right, more acceptable (to me anyway) … weird.

Coffee did its thing (bit pot, black and strong) and the boots where sorted, so ready to hit the shops again. Up to Tottenham court road, Office has a factory sale shop going (looks like a temporary thing), lots of shoes at clearance prices, even some size 9 (not a big selection though), one or two maybe’s, but both really too tight.

Oxford street, American Apparel again, find a white Lycra polo neck (those again, well they cover up the neck and arms) size small, ask, they say the small which looked about right is an 8, oh, well I’m normally a 12 for stretchy tops, so take the medium instead. Pick up another white top in a little independent sale place, £5, picked up a very similar top (slash neck, can be worn off the shoulder, just long enough to double as a dress if you are feeling bold (or tarty)), in The Vestry for £30 previous week! Another shoe sale, Faith, but they don’t have many 9’s and none that

Going up the escalator in H&M I’m pulling my skirt down for what felt like the 17th time that day and hear a male voice behind me say something along the lines of “oh, I liked it the way it was” , don’t think he actually saw my face though, possibly he didn’t realise what he was looking at. That and a wolf whistle (possibly non ironic, it was at a distance) earlier meant I wasn’t doing to badly on complements from men either. Well certainly wasn’t blending in in this outfit, lots of looks, a few comments, but didn’t hear anything derogatory coming my way and was it me, or was crossing the road easier? So this outfit wasn’t a totally stupid decision then perhaps? But it was the West End, anything goes really.

Last stop on Oxford Street was Top Shop, I’d heard about the Newton machine somewhere and wanted a look, partly due to my interest in photography and the mans work, and just because I just like my photo being taken Find the place on the lower ground floor, but there’s a queue for it and time is getting on. I’d arranged to meet the others at six in Soho and it was now about 5:30. Queued for about 10 minutes, and the queue didn’t appear to move, damm, If I wait it out I’ll be late for meet up, possibly very late, so bail and head towards Soho

But do stop at the refurbished Soho MAC on the way, just for a quick look, hasn’t changed much, but spot something in the pro range you don’t get in the other shops, an ivory paint stick, still trying to do the highlights under the foundation instead of over powdering, so buy. Girl on the counter is chatty. Fix hair and check slap while I’m here and have a mirror and, hrmm, foundation over top lip is looking a bit thin, not good, but don’t have time or kit to redo it.

Carry on towards the centre of Soho, had duck into a doorway to adjust the chest along the way, forms had shifted and had almost fell out of the bra, 2nd time that I’d had to do that today. My D cups are actually an old pair I got from “That” shop in Euston years ago, for rather a lot of money, really before Helena existed and I was very furtively experimenting. Nowadays I don’t wear them very often, they look crap, orangey stuff wrapped in cling film, but they are a bit more fluid than my B cups and give quite a bit more bounce and jiggle, actually they feel quite nice, but security wise, they don’t always stay put, plus they are quite heavy. Also D cups on a 6′ size 12 isn’t going to help me pass by unnoticed. Next time I wear them might use a some tape to hold them more securely

As I’m walking by get my first it’s a Man hur hur type comment, oh well it’s to be expected I guess. Make it to the restaurant in time, but grab a photo outside first.

Had the big camera with me, but hadn’t been taking many shots, well I’d photographed a lot of the West End before anyway.

Inside, just as it starts to rain, and there’s Jessica waiting at the bar with a glass of wine for me, she’d spotted me taking the photo’s. The place was Café Boheme on old Compton Street, actually I’d suggested it and booked the table, it was near enough to the cinema, guess it wouldn’t be a problem for us being on Old Compton Street, had mostly good reviews and well I just fancied it. Problem was I’d never actually eaten there before, so it was actually a bit of an unknown quantity. I’d hadn’t told the other girls this, oops me bad. But no one else had any other suggestions, so we went here. Chat to Jessica and Jenny and Sarah turn up as well. Jessica’s had a little anti wrinkle work done (oops should I say that, but she’s mentioned it on Angels, so…?) and it looked good. In fact the other 3 all look good, and are dressed far more modestly and stylishly in long skirts, the dodgy old tart in the denim mini looks a bit out of place. Also they are all a bit further down the route than I am, but they joke that since I’m wearing denim, I must be TS

The place is packed, so we have to prop up the bar and chat while waiting for our table. Which when it does come is a bit of a squeeze to get in, they pack them in tight in Café Boheme. The food is French Bistro style, but after that big lunch and cake earlier, I’m not actually that hungry, the others orders starters and I just eat some of the bread. Mains, just an Omelette, with a side of fries, but a bucket of them arrives… Greedy girl clears her plate, course she does, but that’s the calorie budget well blown, could of done with some ketchup but was to embarrassed to ask for it at a nice restaurant. We eat, talk, drink a few more glasses of wine, an enjoyable meal, for me, hope the others felt the same way.

Since the film we are going to see is Sex and the City, we where planning to get Cosmopolitan’s, but time had been ticking away and we’d (especially me) had been sinking the white wine in the restaurant, so well just get one after the film was the plan. Walked with Sarah towards Leicester Square, realised I’d photographed her before at the Magic theatre. Get another that’s a bloke comment walking across the square, singular bloke, Sarah is very passable, I’m not.

Get the others to pose for a photo in front of the cinema with the big sign, plus get a girl to take a picture of the 4 of us. Trouble is the camera picks focus on the sign, not us, they turn out almost unusable Had to shrink one down a lot to hide the problems with the focus I should of overridden the automatic and picked the focus points manually, still have a long way to go with this photography lark.

Do get a nice pic of another group of girls going to see the film. There’s are quite a few groups like this, a lot dressed up too, bit of an event feel to it all, its not just a regular night at the pictures, feels fun. Very few men though, wonder why

Concessions (just water for me) then the film. Jenny had booked seats and got us some nice ones in the centre. Cinema fills up, which isn’t bad considering the film has been on release for two weeks already. Film starts after rather to many ads. Like it, as I said earlier, not the worlds biggest SatC fan, but I knew enough about the characters and set up to not get lost. Funny and cute but with a little drama and sadness, happy ending though real problem is its rather long, arse numbing long (and mine is padded) Lord of the Rings long. Like 3 TV episodes ran together with no breaks. But if you like (but you don’t have to be a total fan) the series, go see. Odd thing was, looking especially at Jessica Sarah Parker, she isn’t as young as she used to be (aren’t we all sigh), the face is looking a bit over taught and the body is well toned, she’s working to look good but its all gone a bit hard edged (the Madonna look?) add a couple of rather silly outfits (But it apparently OK for 40+ women to wear shortish flared skirts and over the knee socks…. Have to have a go at that:)) and a bit to much makeup (too much blusher esp) so she looked, dare I say it, a bit “Trannyish” . Other TG relevant bits, well I’m sure I did spot one DQ in there and there’s a little speech on labels towards the end that felt resonated a bit. Anyway, give yourself a treat and have a proper girly night out with SatC (if you haven’t done already).

As I said earlier, its long, we went into the pictures at about 9 and left at 12. Too late for a cosmopolitan now we reckoned (could of done with one, the wine had worn off) and we where all tired, we said are goodbyes and went our separate ways. Bus home, deslap (been a long day and a not insignificant amount had fallen off anyway) and undress, find the bra had left a big red mark on my right shoulder due to carting around those big ones all day.

Sunday, try on the tops from the day before, £5 no brand one fits perfectly, AA medium top is too big! Well it is if you are looking for that spray on look. Funny thing is I’ve got a dress from them in large with is nicely slinky and figure hugging, leggings in medium that are really difficult to get into, but a medium skirt that could do to be a little tighter and now this top which is almost baggy. Sizing isn’t very accurate. Have to take it back, lucky I kept the receipt, another trip to the West End then, and since I’m still in that Oh what the hell mood, in Helena mode. Oh and that photo machine is in Top Shop for one more day, see if I can get to that, and I’m still haven’t had my cosmopolitan.

Shaving hurts, makeup doesn’t go on well Decide to dress down, yesterdays experiment with the big boobs, big heels and tiny skirt in public was er interesting (and probably not that last time that experiment will be performed ;)) but wanted an easier life on Sunday, so old grey jeans and yet another polo neck. Can’t even be bothered to take photos or pack camera (little one isn’t charged anyway), but dithering and a little lie in meant even with a quicky makeup and simple clothes I’m not out the house until 12.

Hungry, didn’t manage the usual supermarket run on Sat and the only thing I had to eat left in the flat on Sunday was a croissant. Walk down through Islington, it’s a sunny day and I’ve ditched the killer heels for the comfy boots, so it’s nice. Stop in the Pitcher and Piano for a Fish Finger Sandwich and glass of wine and yet another couple of chapters, doing so much of this sitting in bars reading I’m getting towards the end of the book. Guy behind the bar serves me with a smile and calls me Miss, though I’m sure he clocked me anyway.

Bus to town, AA exchange the top without a problem (tried it on later, trying on polo necks in store with full makeup is to messy, and it does fit properly), get a couple of CD’s in HMV (yes I still buy them), checked cheesecloth shirt in another cheapy nobrand place (want to go cowgirl ;)) and finally get to Top Shop. Queue for the machine isn’t that long this time and moves eventually. Lend 2 young GG’s in the queue my mirror so they can touch up their mascara. I just though it was a photo thing, but now, it’s a bit more than that, there’s a makeup guy and a stylist there as well, the makeup guy puts a little blusher and lip gloss on me, and the stylist offers me some shoes. You won’t have my size I say, I’m a 9 (if I’m lucky), oh yes we do, she says, and finds a pair of strappy heels (Top Shop own brand of course) that will fit and suit. Well I have to wear them now, actually not to bad, not sure if they are exactly my style though. And I would of cleaned up my feet a bit more if I’d know I was going to be wearing shoes like this. “Slightly” camp make up guy smiles at me in shoes and says they suit me In fact it’s all done in a friendly and helpful way, no problem with me being trans. Its my turn with the machine, its not really the original photo machine which took pictures on a timer (which was high tech in the 70’s), they have a modern digital camera and flash with a wired remote, plus a big mirror and fan to blow the hair around (note to self, get fan out for next home photoshoot) I pose and take my pics standing on the mark, but am worried I should of stood further back, as I’m a bit taller than most. Hand the shoes back and thank them. You get to keep a print of one of the photo’s. I get mine, oh dear I should of stood back, cut the top of my head off, plus its not the greatest pic in the world, IMHO my home ones are better (and my infrared remote is far more subtle), but it was a fun experience, nice to have a bit of a girly pamper again. The machine has left London now, but if you can get to it in Dublin or Manchester, do so.

Feeling much better towards Top Shop (Arcadia group made me redundant 3 years ago) I head towards the shoe department to see if they have more size 9’s . Not a lot catches they eye, but do find a pair of fairly outrageous black strappy ones (with Perspex heels for that stripper look ) that could be fun, but they don’t have any 9’s left. You lot been buying all of them? Also find really nice military style long coat, fits well, but its pricey and since its summer now I wouldn’t need to wear it until October. Will look for it in the sales later this year.

Shopping done, still have the cosmo to drink though, look at a couple of places, but end up in a Slug and Lettuce in Soho. Can’t say it’s the best one I’ve ever had (and I actually haven’t had that many) but goes down well enough, near the end of my book now, so get another glass (little one) of wine to help me finish it. Book was Digital Plague, the follow up The Electric Church by Jeff Somers, good fun fast moving cyberpunk with a nasty streak and an anti? hero who has the worst of luck, fun read, there’s another follow up coming along, will certainly get that.

Well that’s enough, Tesco trip to replenish food (and wine) stocks and tube home. Exiting the station a, possibly drunk, idiot sitting alone on the already narrow stairs up from the platform for no adequately explained reason, remarks loudly and sarcastically hasn’t that bloke got great tits as I pass. Sigh. And they’re the small ones too.

Took photo’s when I got home. Don’t look good.

It’s been a busy few weeks recently, a lot of Helena time, with company even, and to be honest I’m slightly worn out, have shopped, been out and eaten and drank far too much. But next couple of weeks, due to family and work will be quiet ones.

Not sure I was up for it, had something planned for the evening, had something planned for next week that would probably require a bit more of an effort on the appearance, and probably a new outfit, so some shopping had to be done, but, well I just felt a bit Meh, tired, run down. Original choice of outfit was a bit much, mini, off the shoulder top, but it didn’t work, felt to OTT for daylight, going through the clothes found pair of grey combat or cargo trousers (what’s the exact difference?), which I’d forgot I’d bought, they where comfy and modest, top, hrm can’t find pink top bought last week, but find pink (more cerise) sweater bough ages ago and never worn before. I like pink and grey combo, right that’s the outfit, not exactly wow, but modest and not attention seeking, should suit the weather and the task in hand. As well as feeling a bit down, felt a bit heavy too, but the trousers and sweater are both 12s and they are still fairly baggy, so can’t being doing to bad? Still look a bit fat in the pics.

Made up and out, still feeling, well, not up for it, is going out as Helena becoming so routine its getting boring? But as I’m walking along past some houses I see a cat outside a house, one of those tart cats that just hang around trying to get attention off anybody passing by. It’s a cute splodgy little thing and I pet it for a bit, cheers me up. Nice cats have that effect on me. Head through the side streets to Clissold Park. It’s quite a big park, but again it’s another one of those “if you aren’t local you wouldn’t know about it” places. Stroll, watch ducks, should of brought some bread, carry on to Stoke Newington.

Church Street in Stokie is a quite a cool place, off the tube and a bit out of the way, not well known, got a sort of villagey feel, mostly independent shops, the chains haven’t found it yet (oh it appears Nando’s has ). Get coffee and a cake from a bakery, look at few shops, wander around the little famers market. Saturday morning noodling.

Reason for going this was actually a shop at end of the street on the main road, Lemon Monkey , a sort of Deli/Café/Cheese shop thingy, notice it the last time I was around here, they had a list of cheese and specific wines on a menu that sounded nice. But the menu seemed to have changed and there wasn’t anything that grabs. Plus it was too early for lunch anyway and I’d just had a cake, move on, jump on bus.

Had the shopping to do, destination was Brent Cross, simply because I hadn’t been there in ages. Britain’s first purpose built shopping mall I read, and a favourite of my Mothers on family trips to London when I was (much) younger. So bit of a nostalgia trip really. Needed to change bus at Finsbury Park to get there, see bus I need with no driver, waiting at a stand, so have a while, so head up the road. There’s a little cluster of Afro Hair and Wig places just up from the station, worth a look, my syrups getting a little tired. One place is selling 3 wigs for a tenner, but that was over priced, all ghastly. Quality is better in other shops, spot a couple of maybes, do I still want blonde? Keep thinking about going dark. But it’s just a browse, nothing is purchased.

There’s the bus, it’s stopped at the lights, leg it to the next stop and just catch it. New silver boots bought last week are proving good, easy to walk in and can even run in them Plus they add a bit of bling to an otherwise plain outfit.

The bus winds its way up through Archway, then through the leafy lanes of Highgate and Hampstead (hey haven’t been there in a while either), then Golders Green before crossing the North Circular into car land and Brent Cross.

It does look a bit old now I look at it again, and inside its smaller than I remember, perhaps I’m just bigger and older and/or have been spoilt by places like Blue Water.

But it does have shops. Next weeks outing a group trip organised through Roses to go see the Sex and the City movie. In all truth I can’t say I’m the biggest SatC fan in the world, but it’s a local night out with the girls, so that’s what sold it. But what to wear? Well obviously a designer cocktail dress, a very expensive bag and a pair of Jimmy Choo’s would be ideal, but I don’t have them, can’t really afford them and don’t have the body for the dress or shoes anyway. Don’t think my normal casuals, denim or combats would cut it either (so that’s 75% of my wardrobe out), my lacey Magic Theatre outfits or my dress up stuff would be ridiculous and it’s not a night for office type wear so what? Had seen a fashion article in one of the free papers during the week about Maxi dresses, it mentioned little cropped jackets or cardi’s go with them to cover up shoulders and arms if you want (necessary for me really). Well got a little cropped jacket (or 3) and those strappy white shoes from a few would go, so just need a dress. Really did want a long one, but can’t have it to low cut at the top either, limit choice, hrmms in Wallis and M&S, but settle on a pinky one from New Look. They didn’t have a 12, so try on a 10, fits surprisingly, well it’s got a stretchy top that covers the (artifical) bust and is meant to be floaty. Actually not 100% convinced I’ll be able to do this look, think I’ll need a belt with it to get a bit more shape. Plus is definitely a sunny day sort of outfit, weather is changeable at the moment and it’s not really Sex in the City is it (Frump in the City?). Oh well still a week to go, can change my mind in the mean time.

Also pick up some very light (NW15) Studio Stick foundation from the MAC concession in Fenwicks. Usually use a light powder foundation (Studio Fix) for shading and trying to cover up the top lip shadow, but it can all go a bit dry, wanted to try a light cream foundation to blend in with the studio tech and paint stick. Still experimenting with that slap.

Apart from a moment where everyone seemed to be looking at me, I appeared to be blending in quite well, yeah a few double takes, but no comments where heard, and shops where all polite and helpful, no problem with using the changing rooms either. The dressed down look probably helped, but I guess a lot of people looked at me and just thought, “Hasn’t that bloke got big moobs”

Now its lunch time, but the only decent places for lunch (i.e not junk) appear to be Carluccio’s, Wagamama’s or Yo Sushi, nothing wrong with them, but I’ve done both of them loads of times and thy have queues of people wanting to get a table (The mall had got pretty busy by now).

Decided to eat elsewhere, fancied something non chain and quiet. Went out to the bus station and got on the first bus that sounded like it was going somewhere interesting (can be a fun game that, if you have time to waste).

Bus is heading back towards the centre of town, down the Edgware road through Kilburn, looked interesting enough so jumped off.

Look though a few shops, Primark, Krisp etc, cheaper places than where in Brent Cross, but nothing stands out, and although a few bars/restaurant look like possibilities, still not desperate for lunch you can only have so many calories a day, why waste them? New boots are working out, perhaps a little tight on the toes, but not uncomfortable and certainly less tiring than the big heels, so keep walking towards town. As we go from Kilburn to Madia Vale, the whole character of the street changes, seems wider, shops replaced by large mansion blocks. Number of people and the amount of traffic seems much reduced too.

The street crosses Regents Canal and on the bridge (well it’s more the top of the tunnel) there’s a little restaurant/café, I remember seeing it ages ago when I was last up this way, never been in though. Menu looks OK, it’s in a lovely spot, and the walk has now given me an appetite. The dinning area is right over the canal looking towards Little Venice, its open at the back and has a great view, but I can’t get one of the tables right by the edge, they are popular, and I don’t blame people for lingering there if they get one. Simple plate of pasta with salmon and a glass of white wine satisfies.

Glad I waited and found this place, it’s rather nice, a table by the waters edge, a bottle of wine and some company would be a great way to spend a few hours on a sunny day. But I don’t have company, so move on. Find later the place is called Cafe Laville and its gets very mixed reviews for the service, but I have nothing to complain about.

Better be heading towards home, but it’s actually not that late, so decide to walk East down the canal, it’s in the right direction. But finding it again (it goes into a tunnel) needs a little diversion through a few side streets.

Nice down here, a bit of water and greenery, a break from the city streets, sun is shinning, feet don’t hurt, still have a few hours, so keep going down the towpath, through the zoo to Camden. A pleasant afternoon’s amble. See quite a few ducklings on the Canal.

Camden, Oh here again, duck away from the market, did that last week, fancy another glass of wine, big Weatherspoons by the canal looks naff (normal, all Wetherspoons places are naff IMHO) and its packed, but a slightly rough around the edges, much more laid back cocktail bar on a side street called Fifty Five is mostly deserted, has nice music (for an old fart like me) and compfy seats, fits the bill, get my wine, put my feet up and read a couple of chapters of my latest book. But that extensive cocktail menu looks very interesting a 55 Collins is ordered and another chapter or two goes by.

Cocktail is very very nice, vodka, champagne, raspberries, all sorts, goes down very easy, but then I find standing up slightly more difficult, oh my, wasn’t there a lot of booze in that glass It’s approaching 6, they have a happy hour then, 2-4-1 on cocktails, no better not, don’t have anyone here to carry me home… Plus I’m off out tonight anyway so head home via London Overground .

And the kebab shop for some chips, not exactly a healthy balanced dinner, but figured I walked miles so it would be OK. Read a bit more and watch the first episode of the new Doctor Who DVD, Catherine Tate is surprisingly good, looking forward to the rest. Think about changing into something a little more “evening”, but nah, can’t be bothered, anyway, tonight’s venue is the Oak Bar, and I’m probably overdressed for there to begin with. Freshen face, really it could out done with a complete reboot, looks off, over powdered, but still in Nah mood, it will be dark soon and nobody will really notice. Bad Tranny, Lazy Tranny.

Get to the bar around quart to nine, was easier than last time, as I’m not in an attention seeking mini skirt. It’s fairly quiet inside, band are still setting up, Laura Handbag are with them. The band I’ve come to see is The Pretty Route for any one who doesn’t know, used to be Laura’s band, The Treacle’s, but they split (amicably) and most moved to Brighton and reformed as The Pretty Route. I saw the original Treacles once last year and have wanted to see TPR play in a while, I like what I hear on their myspace page and since they where playing locally, I couldn’t miss that. BTW Laura is reforming the Treacle’s in London and has a new bass player (Chrisse I think) and Singer and although I was introduced to her and we spoke a bit, mud for brains can’t remember her name I think they are looking for a drummer though, if you can bash skins, get in touch with LH. Since it was an amicable split they’ed invited Laura to join them to play on a number that night.

Doesn’t take to long to all start up, It’s a pretty good show, but they can’t really match their studio sound live unfortunately, but jump around a bit and take photo’s. It’s a small crowd though and not many seem to be up for it, apart from one guy who leaps around like mad thing. Pics don’t really work, only have little cam and it needs the flash, but that overpowers the stage lighting and it all looks a bit dead.

Afterwards I’m really feeling the effects of the long day and all the booze (I was in a bar see…), feel a bit lonely and so quietly disappeared home to crash.

Odd sort of day really. Felt a bit down even though nothing really went wrong or bad happened. Not sure why.

Weekend, usual routine, well not totally usual, have some company for a change. Clothes, just jeans and a jacket, and new boots. Ends up looking a bit like (use your imagination) Kim Wilde from the Kids in America Video. (OK use a lot of imagination)

Rain, is it, isn’t it, think no, so go with light jacket, but pack a brolly just in case. Next stop Camden. There yet again, but this time I meeting Jane at 12 at the tube station. But a text says she’s running a little late, didn’t like just hanging around, you always get noticed more if your are just standing around (and a couple of lads did and mentioned it) have found if you are moving around looking like you have a purpose, you are noticed less. So walk to get a cold coffee thingy from Costa and mooch around a couple of shops.

Find Jane and wander into Camden. She’s looking for some sensible pull on leather boots in brown. Whilst Camden has an awful lot of shops selling boots, unfortunately sensible ones might be a struggle, but platform Goth, PVC thigh, spike healed snakeskin and cowboy boots are all in abundance, it’ just that sort of place. We look though a few places but there’s not a lot suitable. Do want some cowboy boots myself though, even find a pair in size 41 euro, but they are just too tight, need 42/43. Might just have to go back in boy mode and buy male ones, since they are pretty unisex, both Ian and Helena can wear them There are a few more regular shoe shops, but none have the right sort of boots, it’s the wrong season for boots really, choice is limited. Aldo have some skyscraper heels that even just look painful, and it’s a regular shoe shop, not fetish stuff, are 5″ stiletto’s in at the mo?

Quick lunch from the market, well not so quick for me, Jane’s nearly finished hers before mine is ready, but its good, veggie pasta freshly cooked, worth the wait. Showed Jane around the rest of the market

OK there was a degree of leading her into places where I wanted to do some shopping going on though, sorry. Was on the lookout for an outfit the Magic Theatre in July, ended up getting a corset. A 26″ (yes I can get into it, when I first came out as Helena, I struggled to get laced into a 34″ corset) black satin under bust, proper steel boned corset that takes the inches off, going to wear it, I think, with a frilly white blouse, little black and white lacey skirt and possibly the thigh boots, should work, for burlesque though, not Tescos Jane though is more sensible when it comes to clothes, I can’t get her to to reach out to her inner drag queen She does get a Matrix tee shirt for her son (so she says :)) in Cyberdog though. UV lights in there light up my tee shirt a treat, must remember to wear that one clubbing one day. Sneeze and a chunk of makeup comes off with it try to patch it up with powder, but it doesn’t look right

The market’s a bit diminished though, what with them rebuilding half the Stables and the Canal side having burnt down, so we get around it all in a couple of hours, then retire to a branch of Grand Union (it’s quiet) for a drink and a natter. Well I drink, Jane’s on orange juice, she was out with the incorrigible Miss Hart the previous night, plenty of Champagne was drunk apparently and she’s still feeling the after affects Helena “Lack of social skills” Love struggles a bit with the conversation though.

Plan for the day was to meet up with Jessica in Camden, go eat and then go to a comedy club, but we are a bit early for that, so we decide to just head towards Covent garden (where the club is) and browse a few more shoe shops before dinner. Tube to Tottencourt and walk down Neal street. Man says to his mate, “they’re two blokes” . But really apart from that it feels like we have been noticed less than usual, breaking the usual chance of being spotted = number of T* in group squared rule, perhaps I wasn’t concentrating.

Shelly’s are still having their closing down sales, and I find some boots I like, sliver mid calf, pull on, with studs and straps and chrome bits, all a bit rock and roll, my size to and reduced, out comes the plastic again. But they are not really Jane’s sort of thing, being synthetic and flashy, she has taste, but she does finally find something suitable in Aldo’s across the road, not the boots, but a some very nice leather courts with a sensible mid heel. I would of liked some too, but big foot here needs a large 9 or a 10 and nice shoe shops don’t tend to go that large Jane’s a 7, bitch

Call Jessica Hart, she’s been at Harvey Nicks and need to change into her evening attire before dinner, so we will meet up later. Kind of move in different worlds me and her. Few more shops, slinky stretchy black dress in Ted Baker is a possible, but very pricey for just a little bit of lycra, so maybe another (pay) day, still can’t find boots for Jane. But the Doc Martin shop does have my boots in brown, since the pair I’m wearing are working so well (no blisters, not footsore even after stomping around the market all day), might have to go back and get another pair.

Few more shops, pick up a brush and powder in Charles Fox, not my usual MAC, but it’s cheaper and they do a huge range of colours, I’m finding the MAC powder either too cold & pale or too orangey, so wanted to try something different. Have to help the sales girl taking the tabs of the self adhesive bits that hold the compacts into the palette, I have the nails, she doesn’t.

We end up on Villers street, near Charing Cross looking for the club, the address says it in the “Arches”, we think we find them, but no sign of the club, carry on down the street, but nothing looks right, return back to the Arches and ask a shop keeper. She points over there, right by the sign that says “Comedy Tonight” someone has just put up. Obvious with the sign :O

We are a bit early, so move back to the HA HA Bar and Grill around the corner for a glass of wine and dinner. Jane has recovered and so a bottle is ordered. Jessica make her entrance, glammed up in a sparkly top and leather skirt, feel a bit underdressed in my moochy jeans now. Food, shared starter, why not, they do these platters, but Jane’s not eating cheese, Jess is not eating fish and I’m not eating meat, and the platters are “Cheese”, “Seafood” or “Meat”, oh, well skip starters then. Retro food, fish fingers, haven’t had them for, er decades? Why not, good too, scroff the lot, though they look more like goujons than the bright oranges rectangles of my childhood. Another bottle of wine is polished off and it’s on to the Covent Garden Comedy Club.

The stage is tiny, but there are a lot of seats all around, but they sit us right at the front, do you think they might of spotted something about us? There’s 3 turns, and a compare, and I haven’t that laughed that much in ages. THe bill was Milton Jones, Tom Wrigglesworth and Alistair Barrie with Nik Coppin as the MC. Apprently one of then has been on telly, but I don;t watch telly much., It was really really funny stuff, at other comedy clubs I’ve been to, you always got one or two duff ones, but this lot where all on top form.

But a couple of members of the audience did mange to upstage all of the acts with, well I’m not telling (and I wasn’t one of the two), but I do have photographs … which are staying off flickr and this blog, if sufficient funds have been placed in my numbered Swiss bank account by midnight…

Memory getting hazy now, the extra glasses of wine during the show didn’t help. Entrance to the comedy club entitled you to stamp, which go you free entry to the a local night club other side of Embankment tube, the night was still young so off we went, past a drumming troop coming up Villers street.

Little bar club thing called Motion, bouncer is frisking people at the door, but he decides not to bother with me (sigh of relief to both of us) and just takes a peak in my bag and waves me in (didn’t see how the other girls got on). Its small but busy, 80’s tunes are blasting out and a hen party of plastered 20 something’s are dancing away, I’m kind of pulled onto the dance floor by a pretty young thing (didn’t need much encouragement) and am soon jumping up and down to New Order and the Human League. Well its my era and I’m dressed for it

But by about 11:30 I’m done, lightweight love, remember my shopping (for a change), say my good bye to Jess and Jane, and make why way home, catching some air on the bridge first.

Tube home and fall asleep in my makeup as usual. Jess, Jane, thanks for putting up with me, and the comedy, club, good call, a great laugh, will do it again, recommended, but only if you aren’t shy.

BTW I’ve had to turn on the registration back on for comments, sorry, but I was getting a lot of spam, the pluggin stopped most of it, but some got through and had to be terminated manually. I know it’s a hassle, but I don’t want to read comments extolling the benefits of penile enlargement, and I feel, perhaps, this is something the majority of the readers (both of you) of this blog aren’t actually that interested in either.