Bit of a retro post this, by the time I had typed this on Sunday, Roses forum had gone down, but its back now, so on with the waffle.

Plans for this weekend started during the last one, I bought this tee shirt in Newlook with the caption “Make Love Not War” on it as well, the I concur with message but it has a very particular double meaning for me (which I’m not going to explain fully here). It tripped a whole train of thought about a particular look I want to try to create all based on love and war theme (and songs by Pat Benatar for some reason). But I needed some more bits, lots of shopping later (Dalston, Camden, West End) and I had most of it, a lots of bits of bling including a lovely chromed cartridge belt, lots of black net stuff and a vintage (OK 2nd hand) leather mini. Didn’t get everything I wanted though, I was looking for a sparkly CND symbol necklace, but couldn’t find one any where. But there was one more thing, I needed a gun. 

Not a real one you understand, even if it was legal I wouldn’t have one, I detest actual violence, but I’m all for virtual and fictional violence, ah the duality again, so I’m OK with a toy one. I went to wolf armouries to get one  a crazy shop, walking into it’s back room where they have all the airsoft guns is like the scene in the Matrix where they say “Guns, lot’s of Guns” and all the racks of 1000’s of weapons zoom in, I bought an airsoft G36c assault rifle, the G36 was chosen simply because it looked right. These airsoft things use an electric motor to wind back a spring to fire little plastic BB pellets. They come out at quite a rate and sting a bit if they hit you (as I found out from a ricochet when I trying it my kitchen). Actually I’ve been promising myself one of these things for a while, I just needed the excuse, boys/girls and their toys. Accessorised the gun with a torch and a scope and stuff for that SWAT team look. It looks pretty real, a bit plasticy close up though, but its quite solid and is surprisingly heavy. It looks like they run airsoft “skirmish” games locally so Bob might have to go along and play, it could be fun, sort of like live action Counter-Strike.

Also bought a new camera, a 7 mega pixel Panasonic, very small, but with all sorts of fancy stuff on it (I am pretty techy, but camera’s still confuse me). It takes a nice picture, much better than my old one and it even talks to my PC  but its not quite as good as I hoped when taking pictures on the timer, I guess it can’t get the focus right. Also got a tripod for it from a pound shop, which looked like bargain, but turned out really only be worth a pound.

With all this shopping, thoughts of a new laptop will have to wait until next month

Dull week at work, but Friday rolls around and I can start to live. Paint nails neon pink on Friday night in preparation. The chosen outfit was a bit much for shopping, and not the most practical, so the idea was to dress at home, take some photo’s and then got to the WOC under cover of darkness and a big coat (you wus!)

Had a nice lie in on Saturday, got up, did usual noodly stuff and then realised I need some things from the shop. So I went in bob mode, my pink nails would of looked very odd, so I wore gloves. But on a hot day like that I guess wearing gloves looked just as daft. Dressed and snapped away. The outfit was well over the top, but at home, or in clubs, why not? If I’m T something or other then I’m damm well going to enjoy it, a walk in the park in the sunshine in jeans and a sweater is nice, but some times I want to be Laura Croft 

Pics didn’t come out as well as I hoped though, focus was a bit off even with 7mp there wasn’t that much detail. Tricky too, keeping running back to the camera to reset it then rushing back to pose in 10 secs. Did a bit more photo editing on them than usual and replaced the background of my grubby kitchen with something more neutral.

Anyway these are the pics, judge for yourself.

(with apologies to Pat Benatar  )

It would of been fun to shoot this sort of outfit outdoors, somewhere graffitied, derelict and/or industrial perhaps. But walking around in an outfit like that with a replica firearm in public would of probably resulted in a unpleasant vist from one of the Met’s rapid response units.

That’s probably not the last you will see of that sort of outfit from me, I really want to do a “Take the red pill” black PVC matrix outfit and all sorts of other fun things  watch this space …

Changed into a skirt, ripped up tights and fishnet holdups to go out in, seemed more appropriate for clubbing somehow. Left the gun at home.

Walked to the tube, hold ups didn’t hold up very well and kept falling down and spent most of the trip flapping around my boot tops. Wore my big coat, but felt a be odd, it was a warm night and everyone else out was wearing far less, button fell of it as well, bloody Primark tatt. Trains all the way to Aldwytch seem to have disappeared that night, so had to take the Hamersmith and City to Liverpool street station and walk to the club from there. Liverpool street at 10:30 on Saturday night was very well lit and packed. This made me a bit nervous, but there where several police around and nobody really even looked at me twice.

There is this theory going around that if you cross dress an alternative fashion, a goth, a punk, emo etc that often have a bit of gender ambiguity to them, then the general public mostly see you as being part of that sub group first and not obviously a tranny. Well with the ripped up tights, big boots, heavy eye makeup etc I seemed to fit the “alternative” tag, and got virtually no reaction on my trip at all, so this theory might have some merit.

I had been swapping PM’s with a couple of people about meeting at the WOC, Debbie22 a London T-girl from Angels and the lovely Alette from Roses. I’ve sort of missed meeting Alette at the WOC twice before, so tonight, 3rd time lucky?

Got there just before 11 to get the cheaper entry and free “drink” (Still tastes like squash). I’m starting to think getting there early isn’t really worth it though, the WOC doesn’t seem to start get going until later. No sign of Debbie or Alette  Touch up slap, find a way to keep the holdups up, have a drink or two and dance a bit (DJ ain’t great) until the cabaret comes on. Cabaret isn’t great either, drag lip syncs of dubious quality, think about leaving after it, but then I spot Alette from the corner of my eye, thought, OK, I’ll get a stiff drink (for courage) after the show finishes, and then go up to introduce myself. Didn’t have to, a minute later Alette walks up to me and says Hi and then finds and introduces me to her friend Claire too. Claire’s a bit of a photgrapher and I got gadget envy at her digtal SLR.

After the show finishes, Alette and me moved away from the dance floor and chat for a bit, actually a quite a bit, it’s really this first time I’ve spoken to someone in depth for about TGism’s (amongst other subjects), it’s good to talk as the adds used to say, and its something I don’t usually get the chance to do much. Many thanks to Alette for listening.

Later we rejoin Claire at the dance floor, she’s in a glamorous low cut dress (apparently this is rare and she usually wears a top hat?) and is in a quite a flirty mood dancing with everyone. She danced with a man who quite transfixed by her cleavage and spends the entire dance staring at it, I don’t think he even saw her face once, it was a bit hilarious to watch.

Different DJ and the music is getting better now, UV lights come one, find my tee shirt glows  UV glow, strobes glinting off my bling, heaving dance floor and the DJ drops Insomnia from Faithless, big hands in the air moment, that what’s being on a dance floor is all about 

Time flew and its 3:30 and I’m starting to drop, have to call it a night. Said my goodbyes to Alette and Claire (got a lovely pic of the two of them, but they won’t let me show you it ) and taxied home. What could of been a disappointing night had turned into a great one thanks to the company, but the warm night and dancing in all that stuff had taken its toll, totally knackered.

It was a relief to get everything off, eat what little I had in the flat and flop into bed around 4 something.

Sunday, got up, look in mirror and Ozzy Osborne looked back, didn’t manage to get all of the makeup off last night. Back to normality, laundry, food shopping, sewing on a button, but still have the feel good buzz from last night

This is Bob. I’m afraid the usual self indulgent waffle about clubbing, shopping and the other adventures of Helena Love T something or other narcissist and shopaholic have had to be canceled this weekend due to family duty. Although she did force me to buy her a few tops.

Instead, due to the occasion of my sister in law’s birthday, I’ve been around my brother’s place eating their food and drinking their wine and drawing pictures of aeroplanes, helicopters and fire engines for my 2 year old nephew. Normal service will be resumed next week.
Bob

It better!
Love
Helena

Something unusual happened on Tuesday morning, I got a mail saying I someone had bought me a Flickr Pro account for 2 years. That’s about $50 US worth, checked, yep, my account has definitely, been upgraded, I was more than a bit stunned. I looked at the profile of the person who sent it, according to that he is a male photographer from Canada, and not the usual admirer type. They are easy to spot, usually don’t have any photo’s of themselves, no avatar, but leave suggestive comments, have 500+ T girl contacts and are member’s of every TG group going. But this person didn’t fit that profile at all, not a mention of TG in any of his contacts or groups and his photo’s, mostly of landscapes and inanimate objects where superb, which is more than a bit odd, Why me? I sent him an mail thanking him profusely, he replied, no problems and asked me to keep taking pictures. To be honest I would of rather him just leave a comment if he liked my pics, $50 is a bit much, is he looking for something more? , but there is no way on the system to not accept such a gift. Plus I could of easily afforded a flickr pro account myself if I felt I needed one. I guess I’m going to have keep snapping away and flooding the net with my vanity now aren’t I (and since I can now upload big pics, a new camera is a must buy).

Rushed home from work on Tuesday lunch time, I had to do some washing (I had ran out of clean pants and Bob didn’t have any work shirts left) and planned to go to the showing of Leah True’s “Mr Miss World” documentary at the WOC that night, so needed time to get ready. I see the title was changed to Mr Miss Pageant at the last minute, there was a little article in Metro this morning about that, apparently the Miss World people did take legal action to get them to change the name, sigh. Anyway launderette and some food shopping was done, then I got ready to go out. Didn’t really want to dress up, so it was just jeans and a black sweater dress.

To be honest I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to go, I could of just stayed at home and watched it on TV, but I felt I had to. You see I liked one of the items of clothing we shot last Sunday, and bought it off Laura, but for the photo’s she had attached one of her brooches to it, and I had taken that home with me as well Doh!, I had to give it back and since Laura was going to be at the WOC for this do, It seemed the best time to do it.

Started walking to tube station about 8:50, damm football was on, I could hear the sound from the stadium, on a Tuesday? But the crowds where mostly contained within and I got there safely. Got a couple of comments while transferring at Kings Cross, but nothing too nasty. But due to all the time spent en femme over the last couple of weeks I’ve become a bit deflated, paranoid and more self conscious, not sure why, you would think spending more time you would get used to it more? But the effect of this is that even fairly harmless comments are starting to cut a bit.

Got to the club around half nine, but something wasn’t right, no one on the door and it was very quiet walking down the stairs. Got to the door and then it dawned, of course, this was a party, not a regular club night and music was turned down and lights where up, people where socialising. There was actually quite a big crowd, mixed TG and muggles, I think I recognised a few people from their forum avatars, but most where new faces to me, but they all seemed to know each other. I actually felt out of place, like someone who had just crashed into a strangers wedding reception, what exactly was I doing here?

Oh yeah, returning a brooch. Found Laura and returned her jewellery, she introduced me to Debs who I’d seen plays the drums with the Treakles, but is well known for her films/ , I bent her ear a bit about Dirtside Atomic , but she had the good sense to escape me.

Parties, oh dear, I hate parties, at a regular club nights I can just go on the dance floor and get lost in the lights and music, but at parties you are supposed to mingle and talk to people, and that’s pretty much beyond me, I go into wall flower mode. There was a photographer there talking some pics, who had a couple of nice dogs with him, I petted them instead, I get on much better with animals and computers, more my level.

Fortunately the TV show started at 10 and I could just watch that, lurking at the back. The program was good, nice to see something more positive about a TV, and especially one that doesn’t fit the more usual inaccurate stereotypes. I could feel Leah’s stress at having to spend so much time glammed up in the PR build up to the contest, my previous weekend spent mostly dressed had drained me and that was nothing in comparison.

She didn’t win, she tried, but her wit and creativity couldn’t really compete against the other younger and surgically enhanced competitors in what was basically just a beauty contest. The section at the end with her mum was uplifting though, it’s great to see that level of acceptance. I don’t think my mother would take it the same way if I told her about Helena. The section about the Egyptian entry, Darhminder showed the other side, the lack of acceptance by her family and the public in general was quite saddening - we all still have a long way to go.

Leah True made a speech after the program had finished and thanked everyone involved. I tried to get a picture but I was to far away and it was to dark for my camera and it didn’t come out. After the speeches, I thought about trying to get a better pic of Leah, but that was sort of stalkerish and she had a crowd around her anyway, so instead, I just ducked out, dodged a few groups of merry city folk and took the tube home. I really couldn’t stay late anyway as I didn’t want to miss the tube, plus work next day meant an early start, Almost ran across Kings Cross, but got home in one piece. Rapidly cleaned up and fell into bed.

Tranny batteries are pretty flat now. The last few weeks have been interesting times, and I’ve found out a bit more about my limits and limitations, but the balance has got a bit skewed, need to spend some more Bob time outside work, have some lie in’s watch TV, play games, read etc. So I’m definitely going to ease off for the next couple of weeks, I might be up for a quick club trip this Saturday night, but I’m not sure I’ll be charged up enough by then.

“She’s a model and she’s looking good
I’d like to take her home that’s understood
She plays hard to get, she smiles from time to time
It only takes a camera to change her mind”

Kraftwerk

Actually the model was looking a bit rough, but that can be all be fixed in to Photoshop

Sunday was the day of the shoot, I had arrange to meet the snapper, the esteemed Miss Laura Handbag in her studio in Camden, who, as well as being a rock star and cardigan advocate, has a day job as a professional photographer, which is nice. Got up at crack of dawn, shaved, dressed and made up. I usually take an age about this sort of stuff, but today I was ready by 8:30, so noodled around until it was time to go. Just wore jeans and a big black sweater, fairly nondescript, but it was just for travelling to and from as after yesterday’s little encounter I was a bit wary about overdressing (or with that mini, was it under dressing ) in daylight. Makeup was basic to, as I figured I could add more there when I knew exactly what I was going to wear.

Also I packed up a huge rucksack full of everything I might need, boots, accessories, tights, basic tops to layer and most of the Primark stuff I already had to go with the stuff we bought Saturday.

Tubed it to Camden and found Miss Handbag’s studio, rather nice it is too, sort of airy, loft like and full of photographer paraphernalia. Outfits and accessories where selected and shoot started. The sun was really shinning now and so we decided to make use and shoot outside for a few of the more casual outfits. There’s a quiet backstreet next to Miss Handbags studio with lots of exposed brick work, varied surfaces and general edgy urban decay, tastefully decorated by some local graffiti artists giving us some interesting and contrasting backgrounds to use.

The street was mostly deserted, but by the third outfit, we had attracted the attention of a group of lads, they where more curious than anything, and they debated my gender a bit (hey, I’m not sure of it either so I guess we where even), but they didn’t really cause us any trouble. One asked Laura to take his picture, Laura questioned why she should, “because I’m going to be famous” was the reply, Laura,” famous for what?” Lad, “Because I’m going to be on crimewatch” yikes! But after Saturday’s encounter I was getting a bit nervous with this attention though and it showed in some of the later shots on that outfit, so we moved back indoors, the rest of the pics where done in the building or studio. We shot about 6 outfits in total, mostly the Primark stuff be bought the day before, with a few additions from mine and Laura’s collection (mostly hers) but I’m sworn to secrecy on the exact details until the Mag comes out. Not all of it was things I personally would of chosen, but it’s interesting to see yourself in something out of the ordinary (wait a minute, cross dressing is now ordinary!)

Modelling is actually a bit harder than it looks, standing very still, posed a bit unnaturally, on shoes you are not used too can be tricky. Plus I had to smile! if you’ve seen my flickr set , the you’ll see that doesn’t happen very often Also learnt some tricks of the trade, bulldog clips at the back if outfits pulled then in to fit my waist (I have the usual tranny triangle problem, with overly broad shoulders compared to the waist line), tea towel over the head to stop makeup getting on the outfits when changing, poly boards to create fill lighting etc.

I saw some of the shots on Laura’s Mac, I have to say, her camera is pretty awesome, a pro digital SLR that made even me look good, the difference in quality compared to my little compact 3 mega pixel camera is vast (I suppose having an expert work it too probably helped a bit too ). It didn’t even need a flash, even inside, natural light was plenty. A new camera is definitely on the shopping list now, perhaps not a full blown SLR, but definitely a few more pixels and a better lens is required.

All in all it was a unique and slightly surreal experience. We where done by mid after noon and Laura bought me a sandwich – my payment for services to fashion. So technically this was a professional modelling gig Got back into my casual attire & packed up.

I’m afraid I don’t have any of the shoot pics, yet, but I should get a set after the magazine is published, (Mag editor’s rules) and will certainly bore the pants off you with them when I get them

Or you could just get the magazine when it comes out (reminds me, I better subscribe to it now shouldn’t I). Of course I’m going to sound really silly after writing about all this if they decide not to use them.

Got the tube home. Big black sweater was a mistake on the hottest day of the year so far, that plus big backpack, Camden crowds and after the half day shooting in all the gear, I was overheating. Got home very hot and tired, de-slapped ,ate junk food, drank one too many glasses of wine and crashed. I actually needed to do my laundry that afternoon, as Bob is a little short of shirts, but was just too tired. 2 days spent mostly en femme in warm weather was very draining, how am I going to manage Sparkle?

During this shoot, Laura mentioned the party for Leah True at the Way Out club this Tuesday, for the showing of the Mr Miss World documentary on Channel 4. The word is it will be a totally unique experience and anyone who is anyone will be there (including a few muggles) – the social event of the season darlings. So if you can get to the City on Tuesday night, be there. I’m going to try and drag my self along (since I’m now a top model ) so see you there. Booked Tuesday afternoon off work so I can go to the launderette (ah the glamorous celebrity lifestyle) and get ready to go out in time, but will be back to my “normal” look, black polo neck and a scowl.

Footnote
They did use the pic apparently, but I haven;t seen them yet, Have ordered a copy of the mag, but it hasn’t arrived yet. Gratis copy and disk with pics doesn’t seem to have materialised.

Ist mission of the day, go out shopping in the West End, yeah done that before, but this time…. In a skirt! Most of my daylight activities have been done in jeans, for modesty, safety and practicality, usually save my skirts for home, nighttime or clubs. But today I decided since it was warm, what the hell, wear a skirt. Unfortunately the skirts I have in my collection where all mini’s (your basic tranny tart stuff), some extremely mini. I chose a fairly plain denim one thinking plenty of RG will be wearing them on warm day like today. Made up and went out by about 11.

On the way down to the tube, I hear a couple of blokes say “‘ello mate”, I guess to see if I reacted and then one says “told you so, Adams apple”, h must of got a closer look. I adopted my usual strategy head down, keep walking and nothing further came of it. I guess since they needed to have a closer look they must of at least been a bit unsure.

This and a slightly hurtful post on Roses about fantasists had dropped my spirits a bit though.

Tubed it to the west end, wandered around Soho a bit in the sunshine and started to feel a bit better. Got some makeup in Soho MAC and booked a makeover for May, so I can find out what I should be doing with the slap. MAC - lovely as ever. Also got some Urban Decay eyeshadow from Boots, no not MORE eyeshadow, yeah but this was sparkly stuff and I didn’t have much of that

2nd mission of the day, eat in a restaurant instead of takeaway. It was lunch time so I went YO Sushi on Poland street. All part of the plan, Sushi is easy to eat without making a mess, Poland street in Soho so I figure I won’t be the first tranny they’ve seen and Yo is a conveyor belt restaurant, you can just grab the food as it goes by, so there is no awkward waiting around. Actually I go to Yo every now and then in Bob mode anyway as I find going to conventional restaurants alone embarrassing. I do rather like it, though I told it’s highly unauthentic anglicised Sushi.

Ordered a glass of wine, ate Sushi, Sashimi, Katsu Chicken and some of those little custard pancake things, all rather nice, payed my bill and left. Barely raised an eyebrow, staff where efficient and polite if not exactly warm. Mission accomplished (although I did have it set on easy mode).

Got coffee in Costa on old Compton street afterwards, again not exactly difficult, but hey.

Then did some non clothes/makeup shopping for a change, looked at CD’s, DVD’s in Virgin & HMV and laptops in Micro Anvica. Got the new books by Alasatir Reynolds and Elizabeth Moon, plus the latest issue of Ghost in The Shell 1.5 in Forbidden Planet, now I really am entering Bob’s territory.

3rd mission of the day and why I was out in the west end anyway. This is part of the thing I’ve been eluding to in my last few posts. I had thought it was actually not going to happen, but I got an email on last Thursday saying we should meet up on Saturday and go shopping. Basically a certain person (who shall we say is the handbag curator for the V&A ) who does some work for for a certain specialist publication asked if they could take some picture of me as part of small but regular fashion feature in their magazine. I guess what had brought this up was we had actually met before briefly at one of her gig’s and so she actually knew what I looked like, plus as it happens we live in the same borough of London. Originally I was a bit sceptical, and after the comms failure very unsure it was going to happen, but today at 3pm in a cafe in M & S Marble Arch we met up (she was in bob mode though as she had just got back from holiday). The plan was to go get some clothes for a shoot from the new Primark Store on Oxford street, just cheap stuff (I guess that’s why they picked me) for a Spring/Summer Primark themed photo shoot in her studio the next day.

Primark on Saturday afternoon was chaos, still huge queues to get in and a bit of a bomb site inside with discarded clothes everywhere. And so we shopped until we dropped, well she did, I sort of followed around nodding, I’m not really much of a conversationalist, plus I found it a bit awkward, me dressed and she not, and having to talk in public, it was all a bit weird. Lots of clothing was bought, mostly in very bright colours and styles I wouldn’t normally pick, so its going to be er interesting. I’m supplementing this lot with some Primark basics I already have in my collection.

The Primark crowds didn’t really pay me much attention though, far too busy bargin hunting, although I did step on a girl’s toe in the crush, I apologised very quickly and hid behind a pillar for a bit
We filled one of those huge shopping bags you get at primark and queued to pay. Big Big queues for the checkouts, it took about 15-20 minutes just to get to the till!

A couple of snaps where taken with me and the shopping bags outside Primark (hopefully I’ll get a copy of these but I’ll have to wait a bit), and we parted ways. The plan is to meet up again at her studio in Camden tomorrow morning to take the photos.

It was about 5:15 now, been dressed since about 10am and although was wearing my lowest, most sensible boots, the heat and crowds had taken their tole. Shields had totally dropped by the time I got on to the tube two blokes sniggered “that’s a bloke” during the ride, and during walk home from the station I got a bit more stick.

Trouble is I live near a football ground and didn’t know before I left that there was a match on today (note to self, check next time). It had finished by the time I got back but there was still large crowds around. Football is apparently 22 blokes chasing an inflated bag around a field for 90 minutes, I really don’t understand the appeal personally (So why do you live near a ground then you silly cow), but hey its a big world, unfortunately although it appears fairly harmless pastime, this football stuff brings out huge crowds of shaven head aggressive boozed up knuckle draggers. Anyway I walk past a group I think I hear one say “that’s the girl for you so and so”, and so and so goes off his nut, shouting at me I was disgusting, what I do should be illegal, I should be shot etc. Put my head down and kept walking, didn’t look back. I was actually fairly safe fortunately, I don’t think he would of actually tried anything apart from shouting, one characteristics of match days is the vast police presence (which is apparently needed to stop these sort of head cases getting into trouble with the difficult task of walking between a football ground and tube station). A few more guffaws and a teenager saying “that’s a boy” to her mates, but that was about it, got home one piece and poured myself a drink.

On reflection the 1st mission wasn’t really successfully, the mini skirt was to much in daylight for someone with my level of passabilty, I’ll stick to androgynous jeans or perhaps look around for more modest longer skirts and save the mini’s for night clubs and darkness.

I was thinking about going to the WOC tonight as it’s their 14th birthday party, so it might be a good one, but I have to get up tomorrow and get ready for that shoot and a bit drained for today’s activities. But the night is still young and its not worth getting to the WOC before 11 anyway, I might feel better by then.

I’m still a bit anxious about this shoot, its all bright colours and I’m expected to smile and look nice. Whereas in reality I’m a miserable, scowling, minging cow who wears black a lot and who looks like a bloke (as was pointed out to me several times today) I guess if it doesn’t go so well, said publication might be a couple of pages short next issue (unless you are pretty, happy, can fit sizes 12-14, don’t mind wearing brightly coloured Primark clothes and can get to Camden easily)

But then again, all of this will probably get dismissed as pure fantasy anyway.

Footnote
Didn’t go to the WOC, far to tired.

Bob had the weekend to himself, didn’t do much though, went to see “Sunshine”, Danny Boyle’s (Trainspotting etc) new Sci-Fi film.

It was rather good IMHO, it seems it was intended to be a sort of cross between 2001, Alien and Solaris, and it does success on that level, if you like those sort of films, go see it on the biggest screen you can find, I think if you wait till DVD you will miss out, as it does look rather special. But you might have to hurry, I feel it won’t a huge hit and will divide audiences, the knuckle draggers will be bored witless within minutes, and the rest will either see it as pretentious unrealistic overdone bollocks with plot holes a mile wide, and a few (like me) will be swept along with its grandeur and intensity.

Also got the bicycle out for the first time this year, a bit of air in the tires and a squirt of WD40 on the bits that are supposed to move and its was a s good as new. Which can’t be said of the rider, a few muscle groups which hadn’t been used in a while got a bit of a work out.

Did a little more shopping too, bob mode though, looked in boots for that eye colour specific shadow I mentioned before and found out I did it wrong and the brown was supposed to go on the lid, looked in to the new Primark on Oxford street, but couldn’t see what the fuss was about, I didn’t see anything in there any other big Primark has. I had to buy some more tights too, M&S this time, as I badly laddered one of the Wolford pairs I praised so much in previous post, when trying them on the first time.

Back to girl mode on Monday afternoon though, I decided to go to that club GLITZ IT UP I mentioned earlier, for its opening night, only for a flying visit though. After a few weeks of dressing in shopping clothes, pushing it up a notch for a club made a change and was quite fun, short skirt, tight scoop neck top, lots of black Makeup was all black and pink, tried some glittery black eye stuff (Miss Sporty brand?) with turned out to be a sort of paste rather than a powder and it fecked up the look and my brush a bit, so a bit of a reboot was required. Used some coppery dazzle dust instead to get a bit of a sheen instead (Shimmery/glittery powder eye make up in black and pink added to shopping list). Was rather happy with the final result, one of my better ones IMHO.

The club was supposed to open at 7 or was it 7:30, since it’s work tomorrow, I planned to do an early/early, got the tube there and arrived bout 8:10. The club is right out side Manor House tube, exit 1, which is great if you don’t mind taking the tube, plenty of buses go past it too, and they have a limmo that picks people up from Soho, but I have no idea where people in cars would park though. Got in, nice welcome, paid my six quid and 1 more for the cloakroom ticket. Then my heart sank, cloakroom ticket number 2, the place is going to be empty. I suspected it wasn’t going to be that popular (Monday night and N4 for goodness sake), and it was really early, most Tranny clubs I’ve experienced don’t seem to get going until at least 10:30-11 , but for its opening night you think the promoters would have dragged along everyone they knew to fill the place up. Went up the stairs to the club, and my fears where realised, the number of staff outnumbered the punters Got my complementary glass of fizz, and looked around a bit. Actually it’s rather nice inside, a bit small but the décor is much better than any T-girl club I’ve been in (but that’s only the WayOut and Trans-Mission) and even the free drink was far better than the WayOut’s cocktail (Which tasted like orange squash the last time I went).

Sank the fizz and bought another drink, prices are slightly cheaper than the WOC too (£3 for a Bacardi Breezer) and they gave me free nuts and crisps. There appeared to be a couple of groups in the place, a group of guys and one girl and one girl on her own, so I went over to her and introduced myself as I didn’t want to sit alone all night.

She turned out to be GG, well at least I think so, making quick assumptions about peoples genetic gender (and sexuality) from first appearances in Tranny club can lead to awkward situations IMHO. Her name was Maria (music was a bit loud, not 100% sure) and she lived locally, regularly goes to places like the WOC (She did look a bit familiar actually) and has several TV friends, one of which asked her to come along here. The TV friend in question was lying in a fish tank like arrangement in another part of the club for some reason though. Anyway we made small talk and shared a bottle of wine; it was a bit stilted, awkward and spark free though, due to the loud music and me having all the conversational skills of a dead mollusk.

Music wasn’t bad, usual dancy stuff, but pleasantly free from the camp classics you always seem to get a T club (wot, no “Its raining men” its not a tranny night if you don’t hear that “classic”, twice). DJ knew how to mix tracks too. Pity no one was dancing.

Club stayed pretty empty, but by about 9:30, a few more wandered in, including a couple of T-girls/DQ’s. We finished the wine and took a couple of turns around the dance floor, with a couple of the other girls. But that’s was pretty much it for me, played on the poles a bit, said my goodbyes and left around 10.

I was told there was going to be a show at 10:45, but I really couldn’t justify staying for it, work tomorrow and I’m usually have to get up for that by 6am. Tubed it home.

Although it was a virtually empty club and I left early, it was still pretty pleasant inside (plus no one was smoking), had a few glasses of wine and a chat to a GG (I think), so all in all, by my (admittedly fairly low) standards, it was actually a good night out. I’ll probably go back to this club, it’s apparently running every Monday from now one, May Bank holiday perhaps as I’ve already previously had that week booked off work, so I can stay late (and arrive late), see the show etc. Hopefully by then it will have found it’s crowd and be buzzing, hell perhaps it got going later on the first night and I just left too soon? But if things continue the way there where, I have a feeling it might not be around in May for me to go to.

Tuesday and back to work, got up early and put on boring clothes, clouds in the sky, problems on the trains, dull office routine, but there’s a few bits of blue poking through those clouds and it’s a short week

This is becoming a habit, almost routine, but its not boring, so lets do it again. Good Friday -Got up early, weighed, De-fuzzed, dressed and made up.

Lost a pound or two, I’m actually technically slightly underweight now for a bloke. The problem is I tend to go a bit mad over the weekend, especially in Helena mode with drink, snacks and chocolate, and then punish myself during the week. Well not punish exactly, but stick to about 1500-1900 salad heavy low fat low carb calories a day and walk about ten miles a day. Its not really a healthy way of doing it, I need to balance it more.

Dressed very casually, layered tops, jeans, new boots from last week and a white sleeveless puffer, bit chavy in fact Tried something a little different with the make up after I saw a eye shadow palate in boots specifically for people with blue/grey eyes (such as myself), basically light blue on the lids, and then shading dark to light browns from the the socket to the brow. With a mostly brown eye liners with a little black in the corner, it worked quite well IMHO, contrasting lid/socket colours is definitely something to be played with. I’m wearing the smaller boobs, and more discrete heals and apart form the eyelids, makeup is subtle, so in a way I’m slightly androgynous today, not overtly fem.

Get out by about ten, Lovely day, light wind and warm bright sunshine, plan is to head west, Notting Hill, Kensington, Knightsbridge sort of way for a bit of shopping in the better stores and this time the girl is packing plastic Actually I don’t want too go too mad though, still thinking about getting a laptop and want an ultra portable which cost a bit more. Undecided whether to go Apple or stick with Windows though.

Tubed it over to Notting Hill gate, I don’t like the West London tubes, they are so infrequent, you have to wait around to much, and just hanging around in public is when I feel most er vulnerable? well something like that, as I’ve said before it doesn’t make me happy. But the journey was uneventful.

Wandered down to Kensington past Trendco Wigs as I’ve heard there mostly T friendly. They had a really nice looking one in the window, blonde but with dark roots, roots on fake hair, I love it, and multi-tonal wigs always seem much more realistic then flat single coloured ones to me. But the shop is shut for Good Friday oh well maybe another day, I doubt it would of been cheap either.

Wandered through to High Street Ken in the sunshine and hit the shops. Just a few bits, a couple of simple bras that will fit my new boobs better in M&S, a vest from H&M, leg warmers to pack boots with from Claires, makeup pencil sharpener (always loosing these things) from Superdrug. Get a couple of Clinique creme stick liners thing from Boots, Brown one for eyes and a black/brown for brow’s, (haven’t seen any one else do a brow one before). I like these creme stick things and am gradually replacing my lip, eye & brow pencils with them as they seem to be much softer and go on easier. There not cheap though, other brands do the same sort of thing for a third of the price, but there was a buy any two items get a free gift promotion on. I can’t resist free stuff and it was actually a rather nice package of slap, in smaller trial sizes though. The lippy that came with it is especially nice. Main purchase of the morning though was from Hotel Chocolat, Hrrm Chocolate Sorry. Homer moment .One of these

It’s about lunch time now, grab a feta cheese pasta salad and head towards Hyde park. Eat the salad on a bench, lovely carbs with a fatty olive oil pesto dressing, really nice actually, not the healthiest salad in the world though. I thing I seem to do when I’m out En Femme is eat Al fresco, in the park on a sunny day like this, I rather like it, but I’m going to have to go for a lunchtime sit down meal one day (puts down note on the things to do list). Wander towards the Serpentine and take a few snaps.

Try to get a pic of me with the timer, but it doesn’t come out so well. Bloke offers to take my picture for me but I decline. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be if he got a better look at me, and I’m not sure I trusted him not to run off with my camera.

The park is very popular, like me, lots and lots of people are out enjoying the sunshine, its nice to just be one of the crowd ambling along and feeding the ducks and swans. So far so good, no negative reactions to me at all, I suspect though, since this is a wealthier part of town, upper middle class people don’t want to “make a scene” and unlike most chavs, are able to think before blurting words out.

Continue on to Knigtsbridge to gawrk at the really expensive shops.

Harvey Nicks, absolutely fabulous darling, head in and wander around, but I’m starting to feel a bit self conscious, since I’m just wearing cheapo Primark and NewLook tatt among all these designer labels. That and the fact I’m a 6′ tranny. But I’m generally ignored, look at some nice clothing and then recoil in horror at the price tags, its not that I couldn’t afford it if I really really wanted to, its just that I cannot justify spending THAT much on a bit a cloth. Even see a sort of white lace top/vest combo that looks very very much like one I bought in Peacocks a couple of weeks ago, but the one here is 10x the price! Find the hosiery department, this was actually one of my things to do, I wanted some Wolford tights, as a laddered my last pair and they only seem to be available at the more upmarket department stores. Woldford do cost a lot, £19 for tights, but they do actually last well and just look and feel better than any other tights I’ve ever worn, so I think they are worth it, just. Can’t find the size though (large because of my height) in the style I want though, so pluck up a bit of courage and talk to a sales assistant. Who turns out to be very nice, we get another assistant to help, who finds the right sized pair in a stock draw and its all smiles. So thumbs up to Harvey Nicolas staff, a bit snooty to begin with, but actually lovely when you engage. Continue around the shop, free chocolate samples in the food hall think about getting a glass of wine in the bar, but just feel so under dressed for it, maybe another day.

Look in the window at some other other designer stores (Prada etc) on Sloane street, but don’t go in. They are all in silly money territory and to be honest, to me a lot of the stuff looks to me to be a bit ugly, vulgar and staid, it’s more about shouting just how much money you have instead of style. But I might be a bit odd (I’m wearing fake boobs, lots of make up and a blonde wig, Ok I am a bit odd ).

Harrods next, its a bit of an weird shop and to be honest, more of a tourist attraction that a store, but I do like the food hall. Get pastries.

Eating here is another thing I want to do one day. Wander a bit, get sprayed with some nice scent in the perfumery, see the 4′ giant Easter egg and the £1,000,000 egg. The million pound egg is actually only half an egg and about a foot long, not really worth a million if you ask me, but it does have this huge diamond encrusted necklace on top of it which probably pushes up the cost a bit

Last call of the day is Oxford street, take bus instead of walking through the park as I’m starting to tire. Think about going to the new Primark, read in the paper there was nearly a riot there when it opened on Thursday, but people are having to queue up to go in! To Primark of all places. I might comprehend this a bit better if this was the only one around, but London already has half a dozen, including a vast one just up in Hammersmith. Go to NewLook instead, see some really bling black combats I like, but they don’t have my size, so decide to go to the other branch up the street to see if they have it.

Think I spot a few T girls today, a couple of maybes, one in M&S in Kensington, one on Oxford street, and one fairly sure in Selfridges, she was rather well dressed though. T-dar always pings when I see a tall girl wearing a lot of makeup up and curiosity make me take a second look. Didn’t speak to any though, most t-girls I see out to look away if I notice them. I understand many don’t want to engage in public, a group will attract more attention and our voices are almost always a total giveaway, but if you see me out there, wave

Wander though a few of the department stores on the way up, but only half heatedly but I’m really starting to tire now, been out hours, and although the sensible boots are helping, its still hard work all this shopping. As I tire I feel the shields are dropping, I’m getting more self conscious, less confident, I half hear what I think could be a couple of comments and the Oxford street bank holiday crush is a bit oppressive. Make it to the other branch of NewLook, and joy, find the pair of combats I wanted. NewLook are as smiley as ever and try to get me to sign up for a store card, I know they do this with everyone, but its in a way flattering when they ask me. That’s its for the shopping, duck through Soho to Charring Cross road to catch the bus home. Get home just before five, it’s been a long day.

Reflect and chill for the rest of the day, eat and have a few drinks. Watch TransAmerica on DVD, I’ve had it a while but only just got around to watching it. Like it, it seems well researched too and Felicity Huffman makes a pretty good TS for a GG.

Will let Bob be himself for the rest of the weekend, he’s been good want to go and see the film Sunshine from Danny Boyle and maybe get the push bike out in the sun.

But there is a new club GLITZ IT UP opening on Monday, so I might have to get a sparkly mini skirt on and go dancing. But Mondays is not a good night to be out late (Work on Tuesday ) and the club doesn’t actually look like my sort of thing exactly (it looks far more down the camp/DQ end of the scene), but it is really local for me, so I might only pop in just for a quick look.

Happy Easter

Footnote:
It looks like Glitz it up is now closed, Monday night in Finsbury Park, didn’t really stand a chance did it.

This is a bit of a retro post, but I wanted to wait until I had the pictures that go with it available. Problem is my PC and camera don’t talk to each other, it’s my PC, it doesn’t like anything that looks like a memory stick or card and won’t talk to them, I just get an unrecognised USB device error. I’ve tried reinstalling drivers, poking about in the BIOS and googling the problem, but still can’t find a solution. I work in IT and supposed to be good at this sort of stuff, but I still can’t figure it out. So instead I took my camera into work today and used my laptop there to get the pictures out. I really need to get my own personal laptop, perhaps Helena can have her own (MacBook perhaps?) and leave the big PC to Bob and his games and graphics apps.

Anyway, back to last Saturday (insert wibbly wobbly time travel effect here). Girl for a day again, I seem to be averaging one day in 7 female at the mo, which sort of feels about right. Following a thread on UK Angels
about shoe sizes and the difficulty in finding ones that fit, I decided to go shoe (well ankle boot actually) shopping, and in quest to get a pair of normal boots that fit properly, actually try them on first in the shop, en femme. I’ve tried on boots/soes in tranny and fetish places in bob mode without a bother, but they are only any good if you want 5″ stilettos, normal shops and comfy footwear was the challenge.

There was going to be something else to do today, but that was cancelled and tentatively put back to the 14th or 15th. But then there was a bit a communication breakdown, and I pretty sure it’s not going to happen, I don’t really think I’m sort of the T-girl they are looking for anyway. Oh well no worries. Just have to drown my sorrows with lots of shopping, alcohol and junk food… Wahey!

Got up, weight stable, skin a bit better, dressed, just jeans (tights underneath) and a black cowl neck sweater dress I got last week (NewLook) and did the makeup, a bit stronger than usual for daytime, not sure why. Went with a sort of plum for the lips and nail varnish and purples/pinks/greys/blacks for the eyes, using a palette I bought last week.

Back to the plan, managed to get out of the flat by about 10:30 and walked to the tube station, got 3/4 of the way there and realised a) I had forgotten to bring my debit or credit cards b) didn’t have a hat either. I’m confident enough now not to need the hat to hide behind, but the wind was very blustery and was blowing my hair all over the place, and I would have liked the hat just to keep it out of my eyes. As for the cards, well I don’t often bring them with me when I go out either, I usually only pack my bag with exactly what I need and could afford to loose:- just enough cash, emergency makeup kit, hair brush, tissues, oyster card, cheap camera(always the Tranny vanity), with my flat keys and spare get home money tucked into my jeans. Basically because I’ve always felt I could be a preferential target for bag snatchers, they assuming I couldn’t chase them in heels and wouldn’t report a crime due to the stigma of being a bloke having to report his handbag was snatched. Nothing this bad has every happened to me but I would rather be safe than sorry. But today was a big shopping day, and I only had so much cash on me, so I was actually planning to bring them. But I didn’t go back, I was out now and was staying that way, I might of bottled it if I went home.

Tubed it to Marble Arch planning to walk back down Oxford Street as I knew I would pass 2 or 3 branches of Evans and a Barrett’s, and they stock the big sizes I need for my elephant feet. First branch of Evans was a disappointment, nothing there I liked, since we are moving into the Spring/Summer season ankle boots are becoming harder to find. Carried on, got a sweater at Next, £6 on sale (in pink cause I’m a girl see), belts (not more belts) at NewLook, grabbed free samples in Selfridges food hall and got nail varnish top coat in Boots.

Walk into Barrett’s and find a nice pair of ankle boots in their tall range that come in size ten and ask to try them on. Girl in shop doesn’t bat an eyelid and fetches a pair for me to try. Which I did, but they are too tight, my feet are wide and the boots have a pointy toe and this always seems to cause the problem with the width. They didn’t go all the way up to 11 and there wasn’t anything else I liked so I made my apologies and left.

Wandered into H&M (do you call it H&M, Hennes or Hennes & Mauritz?) some of the new Madonna stuff is nice but very pricey. Think I spot another T-girl, very tall, curly brown hair, wearing mostly black, with a T-girl sort of face. I think she sees me looking and avoids me though.

Second Evans branch in the Plaza centre and success, found some ankle boots in the sale size 10. Try one on, a bit big, but comfy, a different style in size 9 is too tight. Ask bloke (male shop assistant in Evans!) to try the other one, again no problem. Walk around shop in them, big, but with socks and gel strips/pads I reckon I can fill them, so I had over the cash, £35 reduced from £70, and get a voucher for 15% off next purchase as well. Easy, no problems with shop people or other customers they probably get trannies in every day, they certainly seem used to them. Celebrate this awesome success with some honey BBQ chicken pieces from the KFC in the plaza food hall, not bad, but not great and a bit messier than I expected. Just overhear some teenage girls on a table behind me, I think they where discussing if I was a bloke or not.

Carry on down Oxford street, get cheap sushi (I love sushi plus it’s easy and clean to eat when wearing lots of makeup), and eat it in on a bench in Soho square. Take a few photo’s. Gel strips and pads from Superdrug and on towards Covent Garden. Wind near centre point nearly takes my hair off.

Walk into Firetrap’s store near Seven Dials because of this article in the Sun. But they didn’t have it, just over priced jeans wear. Get called “Sir” when heading out, Hmmph, ignore and walk quickly out the shop. I’m not the confrontational type and anyway I’m big enough to deal with the odd comment from little people.

Wander around Covent Garden a bit, go into MAC and get a little angled eyes shadow brush, MAC are as nice as ever. Find I’m down to my last 70p so get the bus home.

Reflect, overall not bad day. Evans and Barratt’s where fine with a less than convincing 6’ tranny trying on shoes on a busy Saturday morning, the rest of the chain stores down Oxford street didn’t mind me either. A couple of comments, but I get at least one every time I go out, and since I must of past a couple of hundred people on a sunny day and interacted with several, I think it was a good trip overall. Got some nice stuff too.

Decide to test walk new shoes, fit gel bits & put on socks, new belt and a different coat, got cards and walked though my local park to a cash machine and supermarket for alcohol and junk food (already done the shopping). Shoes are fine, easy to walk in, sun is still shinning, feel good. In the supermarket, they have the radio on, hear “You’re gorgeous” from Baby Bird being played, smile and fight the urge to burst out laughing

Fill the rest of the day spending some quality time with my DVD player, LOTR online and a nice bottle of Cabernet Shiraz. Watch the last few episodes of Torchwood, I may loose some cool points for this, but I’ve come too really like Torchwood, the early episodes weren’t great, but it really picks up later on. I read an interview with Russell T Davis in the Metro earlier in the week that they are filming a 2nd series, and I’m looking forward to it. Also watch Idiocracy . You may not of heard of this one, basically it got made, then buried by its distributor Fox, no advertising, very few screens, very quiet DVD release. Its from Mike Judge (Bevis and Butthead, Office space, King of the Hill etc) and it’s a SF satire, very average bloke from 2006 is frozen and wakes up in 2500 to find he is now by far the smartest person in the world and the USA has descended into total stupidity and chaos due to the dumbing down of the human race. It’s pretty funny, more than a bit scathing and slightly scary in a sort of prophetic way.

Idiocracy is not a bad film (not great, but not bad), and not so anti that its release would cause an outrage, so I’m not sure why it was so buried, it would of done OK. But I have a theory Fox isn’t entirely stupid and does this sort of thing with anything that could develop a cult following. Fox cancels show/buries films with this sort of audience (e.g. Idiocracy, Firefly, Futurarma etc) and word of mouth among the fans (Browncoats etc) about how great it was and how evil the suits at the big Fox corporation are for ditching there favourite show and it this results in gained support (without the need for expensive marketing) and hence big DVD sales and a possible resurrection later on (e.g. Serenity, the new DVD Futurama movies etc). I’ll get my tinfoil hat.

Back to shopping. My personal realisation is this, if you want shoes that fit, you just have to go out and try them on first and they actually don’t mind you doing this.