Spent yesterday girly as well. Got up late and try something slightly different with makeup, it ended up a bit reddish (which is a change from the usual looking too yellowy), but looked a little lighter than usual so I went with it (doesn’t show so much in the pic, odd light).

Did a bit of shopping, decided to forgo the usual hat and big coat and just go out in a tan leather jacket, I think I was using the hats to hide under a bit, my security hat so to speak, so tried going out in the daytime without it. Still packed a hat in my bag just in case. Didn’t wear it, but missed it’s other function, it helps keep the hair out of my eyes.

Bus (Victoria line closed for engineering work AGAIN) it to Leyton, usual story, wait at stop, wait ages as three of every other bus that stops there goes past before eventually my one appears, and lo and behold, theres two of them in formation. Standing around makes be a bit nervous, even somewhere natural like a bus stop, a moving target is harder to hit so to speak, so I’m happier in motion. Plus I hate waiting around for anything. Nobody sat next to me on the bus as usual, I’m getting a bit of a complex about this.

Trip to Leyton was to go to Doreens, to get some new boobs. I’ve been promising myself a new pair for a while, the two pairs I have, although perfectly serviceable are rather large, one pair is a good D cup and the other is well E or EE or something, they’re in Jordan territory. Thing is I bought them when I and heavier (again harping on about your weight) and totally closeted. Now I’m a bit thinner and going out, well I just felt the need for something a bit more discrete and natural. Go a pair of size 4 triangles, that give me a B-C cup. Will need to do some Lingerie shopping now save that for another day though, Doerens girls where all very nice and very complimentary, but they did try to sell me a few of there dresses, er thanks but no thanks, the’re all a bit er Retro? for me (the 70’s called and wanted their fashions back) . Popped into Peacocks instead and bought a brown (hey it’s an in colour) long sweater instead.

It’s a bit windy and cold, think it might rain to, so head back home. Wear the new ones home, and felt less self conscious, and running for a bus was a lot less er bouncy. Stop at Sainsbury’s for food and booze, guy on check out calls me maam twice, but it’s a bit forced. Nice to see him trying though.

Eat and noodled a bit at home, changed out of jeans into that skirt I bought yesterday and then went to the pictures. I wanted to see the 300 but it was sold out, so I saw I Want Candy instead. It’s a low budget Brit flick, advertising itself as a sort of gross out teen comedy on the lines of American pie, but apart from a couple of moments, it;s actually a bit gentler and more mature than that. It wasn’t to bad, its quite warm and there are a few laugh out loud moments, it’s about two film students making a porn film, but there’s nothing actually very mucky, infact it barely deserves it’s 15 rating. It does have Carmen Electra in her underwear in it though Shes looks pretty good and acts reasonably well too, but how shall I say this, she looks a lot better in FHM photo shoots than she does in a moving picture, Photoshop has a lot to answer for (Bob : Oh you can talk, like your pictures are “Straight out of the camera”). Not a big screen essential, perhaps wait and rent the DVD.

Couple of kids shouted “it’s a bloke” at me in the cinema lobby, but everyone else was generally accepting, a big mixed group even plonked themselves down next to me in the cinema without a second look (well it was dark and they probably couldn’t get a clear view of me )

After the film the night was still young, so I tubed it to the City and went to the WOC for a jig around my handbag. Just got there before 11 to get the cheaper entry price. WOC took ages to get going, even that late, I have to say the DJ wasn’t helping though, the mixes between the songs where a bit rough and sudden and some of the ones she chose just had these long intos or sections without a beat that nobody could dance to and so the dance floor sort of kept petering out. I was pretty much ignored at the WOC, but then I was a moving (badly) target on the Dance floor most of the night, just got lost in the lights and the music (DJ permitting) instead. Plus theres nothing like a trip to a tranny club to remind myself I ming a bit and am (by T-Girl standards) short and fat.

Stayed to watch the Cabaret. The girl doing a Paris Hilton Lip sync was pretty good.

My feet hurt by now and so I decided to leave. Note to self, if you want to go out dancing all night, stay out of heels in the daytime. Decided to splurge on a taxi (£20) instead of the bus and got home by about quarter past
two.

Collapsed into bed. Today, hrmm, lie in, type this up, dunno really, just relax, I don’t think my face and feet can take another full day in makeup and heels anyway

Got to spend another day in Helena mode

I’m usually a once a week dresser, but last weekend, due to mothers day commitments, I couldn’t find the time, Damm and everybody seemed to be out clubbing that weekend and having fun. So the female side was getting angsty and wanted to come out, so during the week while I was booking some holiday for later on, I decided on the spur of the moment to book Friday off as well and spend it in makeup.

Good things:-
Weighed self, down to 10 stone 11, waist is down to 29 and a quarter and Hot or Not up to 9.4.
Pay day earlier in the week and bills have already been sorted (Gas and Electric owe me money for a change and the credit card is clean)

I know I keep harping on about my weight in this journal, but hey, it worked for Bridgit Jones and well I used to be rather heavy and weight loss has become a bit of an obsession of mine over the last year. 10 11 works out to a BMI of 20.5 for my height. Checking ideal weights for males, I’m well under and actually on a couple of charts I’m under ideal weight for a 6′ female, so perhaps I should gain a couple of pounds. The best thing to do would be increase my protein intake and exercise a bit more, build up the lean muscle mass, but, oh sod it, pass the cake and booze

Bad Things, Skin problems, earlier in the week ingrowing hairs have caused a lump and broken skin. ARRRHG I hate my skin and shaving. It’s geting better though, I trying to exfoliate it like mad. Next weekend, there is a possibility I will have to look my best for well, something different, if a certain person ever gets back to met that is.

Cover up bad things with heavy slap as best I can, but still look rough, dress down in black and grey, jeans and new leatherette bomber, no glamour shots today. Think about not going out for about 30 seconds cuase I look so rough, then go nah and head out.

Bus it to Dalston and Kingsland. Shop in Peacocks, I like Peacocks, it’s on trend, still pretty cheap and the stuff doesn’t fall to bits after the first wash (unlike Primark’s) and buy a couple of tops an a denim mini, size 10, which fits easily

(note from Bob, exactly how many denim mini skirts do you need? you already have 5)

I’m starting to find clothes shopping en femme quite relaxing, in male mode, even though I’m fairly we;l practiced at it and never had any problems, its all still a bit furtive, a bit wrong, but as a girl, I can feel like I can take my time, its feel more right. Nose around the shopping centre, get eyeshadow and stuff in Superdrug (another note from Bob, exactly how many eyeshadow palettes do do need, you seem to have about a dozen already). Wander around the Market a bit. Like Markets, there buzy, colourful and diverse, an escape from the chain store conformity and there are often bargains to be found (but not today alas). Get a bit for banter from the Market Traders (It’s an East London market, what do you expect), but its all in good humor.

Wandered towards Hoxton,

Want to take a few snaps in Hoxton. Lynn saw my last lot of pics and liked the music links and suggested I try and get a picture from the location of the video for The Verve’s Bitter Sweet Symphony , I agreed after we established it has Hoxton instead of Hackney (I was scared there for a minute).

Got a couple of shots

Not exactly sure its the right spot, but the chicken shop looks the same. It was still a bit a rough area, lots of hoodies about, so I strode off to Hoxton Square.

Hoxton Square used to be the coolest place in London, for about 5 minutes, but now, well there s a chain noodle bar there and this dodgy looking tranny and and …

Kept going on into Shoreditch

Got a Beigle (Bagel?) and looked around in the leatherwear shops for a leather mini skirt (The Tranny Tart classic) buy couldn’t find one. I like Brick lane another one of streets that sort of represent London for me, its got its Jewish Bagel shops and leather goods bit a the top, the vool/trendy/retro clothes & Bars section in the middle and Bangla town down the end with all the curry shops.

But curry is boy food, so carried on to Spitalfields Market (another one, but as I said, I like Markets). Got some lovely Falfel and cake and timed it right to see a few catwalk shows from London Alternative Fashion week which was being hosted there. Rather good they where too, a bit out of my league fashion wise, but very imaginative and invotive IMHO. And one of the shows I more than suspect a few (all?) of the models where TG perhaps?

Taking photo’s was a bit difficult though, big crowds and the pro’s had all the best spots.

Last port of call is the city, as I wanted to take a few pics of the tall shinny buildings and hit a few, more upmarket, clothes shops.

Worst bit of the day, in the city a bunch of blokes unloading a lorry have to make comments as I walk by, “It’s a fakin tranny init” loudly and repeatedly. Ignore and keep on walking. Pretty much everybody has ignored me or been nice up to that.

Feet are giving up by now, hit Tesco’s for wine and food, get a couple of snaps of St Pauls, the Tate Modern and the millennium bridge and bus it home

As usual, get no trouble on the bus but noone wants to sit next to me. A good thing in a way I guess, the best way to avoid the nutter on the bus is to be the nutter on the bus.

Been quite a day. The fashion shows bit was great, I ate well and shopping and wandering around the markets just well makes me (Helena) feel like well I just sort of belong.

What to do for the rest of the day, sort out the photo’s, do this write up, drink that wine and tomorrow, well, got nothing planned, so might as well stay girly, got some more shopping to do. Plus I have to get in training, need to be able to spend a weekend en femme…

The reason this day came about is because I was booking a long weekend at the end of June. What to do in June, hrm How about a trip to Manchester? Yep Helena Can Sparkle this year

Footnote 
I’m booked into the IBIS Portland street for Friday, Saturday and Sunday Nights, so see you there

Spent yesterday in Helena mode, since the last full day went well I decided to do it again. Plan for the day was shopping in Camden and the West End and lots of nice food.

Got up weighed self, No loss since last week, but how… I’ve been good (honest). Oh well not gained anyway, scale down eating plans. Dress and do my face, try to go for a subtle daytime look, but remember I’m going to Camden, put on a bit more black eyeliner.

Ready to go, check appearance,

Makeup: - look like Data in drag (I do seem to remember an episode of TNG where he was dressed) so usual standard achieved.

Clothes:- Mostly black (hey Camden again) and practical (jeans, clumpy heeled boots, big coat and hat).

Hair : - Dirty blonde mess, how I like it.

Dodge neighbors on way out, landladies car in the drive, but fortunately didn’t see her. I’m don’t really mind the neighbors seeing Helena, as I don’t know them (London life, you know people on the other side of the world better than your neighbors), but I’m not sure how the landlady would react.

Sun is shining, but the wind is cold, glad for the coat. Breaky at Starbucks, skinny cappuccino and plain pastry and tube it to Camden. Got there a bit early, Camden doesn’t seem to really wake until about 11am, so buy some bread and wander down the canal looking for ducks. Eventually find some, but they don’t seem that interested in the bread, so scoff it myself. Markets opening up now and I have a wander, see a “Gothic Lolita”/Victorian type dress I like but its a bit over the top and where would I wear it?, and a leather corset I like but its a bit on the short side and costs a packet.

Stall holders are accepting (first time I have ever been asked if I wanted to try something on), I guess I’m not he first tranny they’ve seen and my moneys as good as anyone else’s. Shoppers don’t seem to mind either.

End up just buying a top and have an early lunch at one of the more eclectic food stalls, some sort of German pasta stuff with a sausage. Not bad, certainly unusual. Can always relie on Camden for some new culinary experiences.

Start taking some pics, realising I’ve been living in London for nearly 9 years now but don’t actually have any pics of it, so I decided to be a bit of a tourist in my own city today and snap away.

Seem to fit in in Camden, nobody give a second glance. but this is what I was expecting, it’s “alternative” central, I’ve seen the occasional tranny there before, even full on DQ’s and a lot of the goths/emos/whatevers can be a fairly androgynous, anything goes really. I would recommend it to anybody looking for somewhere safe to go out in the day, but don’t wear stilettos, the cobble stones are hard enough on clumpy heels.

Tube it to the West End. Buy slap and stuff for nails at Super Drug and Boots (makeup selection is surprisingly poor in Camden unless you like neon), hit a few clothes shops, but starting to feel a bit shopped out now, so don’t buy. Wander around Selfridges, its nice in there, just to look though, prices are a bit scary. Woman on the Hot Hair Wig Concessions is lovely, and obviously has dealt with quite a few T-girls before, she was dealing with another customer, but spots me and says “Be a minute baby girl, then we can have a play” I wanted to stay and play, they had some really nice pieces and I could of bought 3, but I had left the plastic at home, sound financial sense but not so much fun. This is an offer I will have to back and take up another day. Wandered around the food hall grabbing free samples instead.

Just really go with the flow in the West End, and am just another face in the crowd, again not really much attention. I think I spot two more T-girls around the Bond street area, both look quite good, but there voices and mannerisms are definitely tend towards the Drag Queen end of the spectrum. But who am I to talk, over hear two GG’s behind me talking as I leave Selfridge’s, they’re taking the piss out of me in a fairly gentle way, especially about the way I walk. I must be over doing the hip movement. Brings me back to earth a bit and stops me being over confident, must remember I don’t really pass, its just that most people either aren’t that observant, don’t care or think its best to avoid the big scary man who goes out in women’s clothing.

Wander over to Soho, stop of in MAC and get one of those new Barbie lippy’s, bright, slightly frosted coral pink, its certainly a going out colour rather than a subtle daytime look. Ask about makeovers, they can do me, but are booked at the weekend until late April! I may have to take a day off work and do a mid week, but I could do with a professional consultation, my knowledge of the MAC stuff (full coverage etc) has mostly been through experimentation and help on the web and I’m not sure I’ve got the right stuff and/or am using it quite right (Data in drag as mentioned above).

Wander through Soho, here, like Camden, trannies are a common site, so fit in well. Feet now hurt, been out a good 4-5 hours, so get the bus home. Which promptly breaks down at Salders Wells. Walk up through Islington, stopping at Sainsbury’s for Wine and Chocolate. Checkout girls are pleasant and helpful but the switch language and have a giggle between themselves. It could of been about me, by now I start to notice a few looks etc. I’m getting a bit tired (and so is my makeup) and starting to get a bit more self conscious, so get the next bus home, which fortunately doesn’t break down this time.

Home at last boots come off, relief. Have a drink, Rest, surf and noodle about it a bit, refresh slap. Decide I look good (as I said, I had a drink) and take a few more snaps.

Go back out and get a big Chinese takeaway for tea, which with the wine leaves a contented feeling inside (hang the diet). I don’t feel up to going out again so play games and mess with the days photos for the rest of the evening. Clock hits midnight and its time for Helena to go back into her box and for the body to get some much needed sleep.

All in all not a bad day. Going out in Camden and the West End is hardly pushing the envelope and fighting for TG kind (I’ll join you on the barricades another day girls), both are as about a safe places as you are going to get. But pushing the limits wasn’t what the day was about, it was nice just to into the real world, fit in a bit and have the sunshine on my face. Going out in the real world as opposed to TG clubs and doing ordinary stuff is that it sort of makes Helena more real and not just a fantasy or fetish, she’s a valid part of the whole and has a right to a bit of a normality like Bob does. I’m not knocking clubs and sill still be hitting them, I like a bit of a dance with a few drinks and the exotic creatures of the night that make an appearance make for good people watching, but its all just a bit unreal. Plus, another advantage of going dressed to town instead of a Tranny club is that you don’t come home smelling like an ashtray

The day started well, the scales said I was 10 stone 13, Yippie, I haven’t weighed that little since I was in my teens (and that was quite a while ago), wen to town and wandered around Covent Garden, got a nice top in NewLook. Got home and managed to snag a beta key for Lord of the Rings Online and played it a bit, looks good so far, better than Vanguard.

Then started to get ready for a trip to Trans-Mission. Bit of a mare with the nail varnish, was only the 2nd tine I’ve tried to do my own nails, messed it up a bit. Note to self, practice with nail varnish.

Then I got the bad news. Trans-Mission was cancelled due to a problem with the venue. Bother! (actualy some slightly stronger expletives where used). What to do?erm, stay in, watch DVD?, nah go out, bite bullet and go to the Way-Out Club. I went once before, a few months back as part of a trip with the Boudoir, but didn’t enjoy it so much, the atmosphere wasn’t that friendly and the admirer attention a off putting. Plus its a bit harder to get to. But I was dressed, and wanted to go dancing, so off I went.

Tube journey there was uneventful, got there about 9:45 and the place was pretty dead.

Truth is I’ve started going to Tranny clubs to dance, I don’t seem to be able to dance en bob, I just get embarrassed and stay a wall flower, but in Helena mode, well I’ve realised I’m out in public dressed as a girl, embarrassment limit reached, so dancing, however badly, can’t make it any worse, so I do it, with gusto (but without any rythm or style) as I’ve sort of missed out on it for the last 30 odd years.

Place picked up around 11 and I took to the floor. Admirer attention was nil, the trick seem to be ming a bit (badly self applied slap, Primark top, thick tights and clumpy boots) and stay on a dance floor (dancing badly as explained above) full of FAR more attractive TS’s and Kathoeys.

Danced and had a few drinks till the Cabaret, which wasn’t bad.

Need the loo, but there where massive queues (you here all sorts about what goes on tin the WOC toilets…), Feet where killing me by now, so I decided to call it a night and left.

I’m taxi and minicab phobic for some reason, I just won’t take them alone unless I absolutely have to. The reason being I’m a tightward, they are just to damm to expensive when you have 2 feet and an oyster card to use instead. So took a night bus instead (well a couple) had to walk a bit to. There seem to be something going on in Holborn, Police had cordoned off a section of the road and where redirecting traffic. Was clocked on the bus, but nobody made a fuss, just a couple of funny looks thats all.

Finally got home at 3, tired.

I still would of preferred to go to TX, its just feels friendlier and is much easier for me to get to, but I have to admit the WOC has a better sound&light system and isn’t that bad a place to dance in. Hope TX get their venue sorted, but I might go back to the WOC if I need get lost in music in the mean time.

Footnote.
Afterwards I got a PM from a girl on Roses called Alette saying she spotted me at the WOC. Curious.